Never, in my entire life, have I wanted to drink. It never looked "fun" I was already "Grown Up" by the age of 13 taking care of my alcoholic mother and my younger, troubled sister. Now my mom has been sober for 5 years and I feel like I can't handle taking care of myself. I can't do anything. I don't want to do anything. I'm not ready for college. It's too much of a step in the right direction. ... I don't let anyone into my heart. I can never say "I love you" and mean it. Now I am lonely and theres one person who, even if he treats me like dirt, I can't stay away from... I think I might have fallen for him. Sometimes I think he likes me too. But he doesn't like me. He'll never like me like that. I'm not good enough. Maybe its because I'm too "big" or maybe because he sees me as "one of the guys" Who am I supposed to love? Who's out there for me? I'm terribly afraid I'll be alone forever... I'm destined for solitude. And he'll never accept, or know, or even understand, how much I love him.