My head is spinning. So much is going for me that I can hardly contain my happiness. First, I'm on the front page of the Republican American...why? Because I'm just special that's why. Second, I am finally back in school. Go me! All I need now...is a frickin J.O.B!!!! But other than that everything is cool. I stay to myself and out of trouble. Between physical therapy sessions for Aryiana, working out, going to school and being a model for Brio Academy...I'm pretty busy. But I've never been happier. Well..that's all she wrote! God Bless ~Renee Angelina

Today starts a new year and as a new year, I want a new way of living. All the horrible things that have happened in '06, I will leave them there. From this day forth, I promise to live all my days with peace, hope, faith, love, and tranquility. And to all those who oppose this desire will be severed from my life. There are a few selected people who are my angels here on earth. You are my pilars that hold me up and keep me strong...Thank you. You guys mean everything to me. I might not have shown it...maybe I didn't call often enough, maybe I wasn't there when you needed me, but that is all gonna change. When you need me, call out to me and I'll be there. I promise to call or at least leave an entry one a week...to ensure that I'll keep up with you. My life is changing fast and I don't want it to go on by without me or my friends. So in order to keep up with change, I too am changing. Hopefully for the best. Heather, you are my first true friend...If you did not come up to me that day at orentation, who knows what kind of crowd I would have fell in to or what kind of person I would have become through those four years of hell and high school. Thank you for being apart of my life when I needed someone like you the most. I LOVE YOU ! Courtney, you are my second best friend. You have been in my shadows, secretly forming me into a caring woman. You who I wanted to shield from the hoorors of life but couldn't, you who I always felt I had to protect...but instead...you protected me. You kept me humble and aware. If you hadn't kept beside me, maybe I would have become a horrible bitch, insensitive to other people's feelings. Thank you very much for staying when you could have easily left. I Love You ! Sethy, although we didn't talk often, our conversations always helped me. When I needed guidance, your words of wisdom pulled me through. When I needed to laugh, you always came out of you shell to put a smile on my face...even when it was out of character for you. I consider you a good friend to me because you are one of the people who came into my life and helped to shape me into a better person. Thank you...I Love You ! Kanisha, you have been my guardian angel. You have brought faith back to me. Watching how you have risen out of the despair in your life, I know that it can be done. You have given me the strength to reach beyond the stars and actually dare..not dream...to be a better person. Thank you for being so loving , so caring, so you. You are the big sister everyone needs in their life. Thank you for being mine. I Love You Girl! Dora, baby girl, you are special. You keep me smiling even when I don't feel like it. You are a beautiful person blessed with the beautiful gift...and I love you both. I know that God has brought you both in my life for a reason. I promise to be there when I am needed. Keep me young..don't let me grow cynial and old too fast okay? I Love You ! Joshua, You are my life and I know that without you...life would seem boring and dull. You make my life worth living and changing for the better. Because of you, I know what I want out of life and what I need to achieve that perfection and happiness. I can't wait to share another year of my life with you. I Love You with all my heart. Thank you for being apart of my life. To my many friends and family and extended family...You all mean alot to me and I only wish that life could be simple for everyone but life can sometimes be unfair. Keep your head's up and aspire for the best. Keep reaching out for a better day because you all deserve it. You are all beautiful and I thank God everyday that you are part of my life. With Love, ~ Renee Angelina ~Happy New Years's To You All!~

I really need a frickin laptop! I'm need my internet!!! I need my life...I feel so lost when I'm not connected to my friends..since they act like they don't know what a phone is. So WTF!!! How is the world? The world is dying and life is a piece of Sugar Honey Ice Tea! It is treating me like crap! But what else is new? Life is a rollercoaster. Been thinking about being a flight attendant or something. I need to do something with my life. I'm so bored. I used to know what I wanted to do and now I'm not so sure. Well seeing as how the last time I was here it was May...I guess you can say I am alive. *HUGS AND KISSES TO THOSE... YOU KNOW YOU ARE!*

I have come out of my hole to wish my love... Seth a happy 24th birthday!!! To you Seth with hugs and much kisses...Happy Birthday!!!! Love You Lots! Ren aka "Bob"

I'm still alive....back in school, got two jobs...back with my ex...can't seem to saty away...but it does look good for us...so I'm content for the moment...just here to say hi...

I am so tired!!!! I am at work...doing nothing.... I am bored... I am other things that I shouldn't put down... UH>>>>>>>>>> I am changing my layout UH>>>>>>>>>> There it is... Like it?

People see sadness in your eyes. You seem to behurt deeply. You may be unhappy because you arealone or feel like no one cares about you. Orit may be because something very awful hashappened to you. Whatever the cause, you gothrough each day just waiting for night to comewith sweet relief in the form of your dreams.But you may have even lost hope in your dreams.Chin up. Things should get better for you andthere is always at least one person who caresabout you. Have hope.(Image copyrighted toTasuki-no-Miko of deviantART) What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!)) brought to you by Quizilla Your Seduction Style: The Natural You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast. What Is Your Seduction Style? Your Personality Profile You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. The World's Shortest Personality Test Your Birthdate: October 26 Your birth on the 26th day of the month (8 energy) modifies your life by increasing your capability to function and succeed in the business world. In this environment you have the skills to work very well with others thanks to the 2 and 6 energies combining in this date. There is a marked increase in organizational, managerial, and administrative abilities. You are efficient and handle money very well. You're ambitious and energetic, while generally remaining cooperative and adaptable. You are conscientious and not afraid of responsibility. Generally sociable and diplomatic, you tend to use persuasion rather than force. You have a wonderful combination of being good at both the broad strokes and the fine detail; good at starting and continuing. This birthday is practical and realistic, often seeking material satisfaction. What Does Your Birth Date Mean? You're a Romantic Kisser For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet What Kind of Kisser Are You? You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. How Boyish or Girlish Are You? Seleniax. What name is best for you? brought to you by Quizilla

Renee Born again : Latin Very much the individual you have enormous energy and vision and must find a suitable use for your talents. You have great potential for success in business if you can guard against indecision and worry. Your generous nature means that you are never short of friends and with cooperation your relationships can be very rewarding. Perseverance and firm decision making will ensure you achieve your objectives. Ren You have leadership ability and with your power of expression can be an influential speaker. Organisation or management would suit you. Your energy, intellect and creativity overcome any challenging situations and assure your future success. Certainly with your emotions under control there is nothing which you cannot achieve. Your faith and vitality means that love and prosperity are naturally attracted to you. Remy Oarsman : Latin Life is never dull with your adventurous and restless spirit. You are always on the move and seeking a new challenge to pit your wits against. Being in touch with nature you love the outdoors. You have keen intuition and a desire for knowledge and you can be something of a crusader. When you apply discipline and tenacity to your energetic mind then leadership positions are easily available to you Angelina Angel, heavenly messenger : Greek You are responsible, determined and tenacious with sound judgement and the ability to inspire others making you ideal for positions of leadership. Having broad vision you are happy to accept the challenge of handling large projects which others may find too demanding. With your keen intuition and inventive mind you are always seeking answers. Fair and just you have a warm and compassionate nature which attracts many friends.

SHE'S ALRIGHT!!!! Aryiana made it through her surgery and she's doing alot better. Anyway, Looking for a job now...Nikki!! Help!! Umm...school is...blah Learning Salsa... Oh, before I forget...Nikki I'm gonna kick you in your but for coming out to Waterbury and not letting me know. I still love you though. Anyway..that's all for now Thank you!

Aryiana went in for her operation this morning. Can everyone say a prayer for her? Everything seems to be going in slow motion. I feel sick and motionless. I've been sitting here for an hour and this is all that I have managed to type. I can't sleep,I can't eat. I didn't even go to class. I can't focus on anyhting else but her. If there is a God, please don't take her away from us, she just got here. It's way too soon. She's only a month and a half. Life sucks.

Filler Anyone? Just the other day I was harassing my friend about updating their journal and here I am slacking as well. Let's see Life is kicking my ass. Aryiana is very sick, she's only a month old and she has to have a heart operation. There is a hole in the wall of her ventricle. I've been severely depressed and I've stopped sleeping. I'm suppose to be starting college on Monday, but I don't know if I have it in me to go and leave Aryiana for any time at all. My mom has lost her mind and has stopped talking to people. She just sits in the basement listening to old songs. I feel so bad that I can't do more for her. She can't go back to work until the operation is done and therefore there is no money and bills are pilling up. To comment on a comment that was let in my journal- You are such a ass-plug...I can't believe I had any faith in you...you are so fucking sad...get over yourself and rot... [anonymous (152.163.100.66)] You have no IDEA what the fuck I've been through, so you can take your comment and shove it soo far up your ass. I don't give a fuck about you anymore. I know exactly who you are and I would've liked to believe that you would fucking grow up but obviously not. That's why we would have never worked. You are a selfish, self-centered, spoiled, miserable CHILD!!! You have no idea what shit I have been through in my seventeen years of living and in no way can you compare. You think you may have had it bad but all you're used to is people sucking up to you trying to make you happy but it is a job impossible. You're the fucking ass-plug and I hope this is a real eye opener for you. I tried everything to make you understand and be your friend but you had to have what you wanted or nothing at all. It's you're loss ad I'm tired of trying. I quit. Good luck with your life and stay out of mine. Anyway, now that that is out of the way. To those who do understand, thank you, you are true friends and I appreciate it. Seth, Nikki, Jessica, Adolfo, THANK YOU.

I know there is something wrong with me, but I can't seem to put a finger on it at the moment. All I know is that I feel warm and loving. The love in me can cover the world and cure it of it's pain. I feel like I can do anything, be anything. I want to share this with you. Hopefully you reading this can help you too to feel loved. I just feeling the love flowing through my my body. Who is to blame for this...let's just say a certain person who shall not be named. To all my friends and the many others that need someone to love them I love you

WELL....The baby is here! July 25th at 11:47 at night. It's a girl. She is 6lbs and 12 ounces and 19 inches long. I helped to deliver her. *GROAN* Not a pretty sight people!!! I can never look at my mother again!!! Hey, it's a good birth control. It sure as hell made me not want to have kids!! She is absolutely beautiful though, looks alot like Khaleb. He is absolutely thrilled to be a big brother. They're so cute together..okay..that is all I'm going to bed now! Oh yeah, school is going great. Thank yous to all my friends! Miss you Nikki!!!

It's frickin cold in this room. I'm in college. I go to Uconn. Things have finally begun to sit in...I miss Nikki, and Louie, and all my freshman pets..and my sophomore pets too. I'll never get to see Louie again. If only we had another chance...maybe things wouldn't have ended so horribly. But she's going far away. Maybe it's for the best. I wish only the best. I'm so out of touch with Nikki. I wish I could hold her right now. Give her a big hug and tell her how much I love her. Because I really do. She is my best-friend. I'm....crying T.T WTF!!

~~Thank you Lady Sango and Adolfo for your encouragement.~~ As of the title, I'm not really the one having a baby, my mother is. Ready to pop in a month or less. She really should stop. It does nothing for her but give her more problems to deal with. During this pregnancy she's been very depressed. It breaks my heart having to just watch her. I'm even commuting to college just so that I may help her out. Khaleb is only 18 months, she barely spend time with him. I'm practically the one raising him. People think he's my son. I take him to the mall with me, when I have errands, he comes with me, he even sleeps in my bed. This new one won't be any different. She doesn't even want anything to do with the child. She hates their father( the only children that have the same father are Khaleb and the unborn.)She doesn't belive in abortions and she won't give the child up for adoption. Not like i'll let her, I'd rather take care of them than have siblings out in the world that I know about and not be in their life. It's bad enough my fatehr is still being a jerk and not letting me talk to the kids. College, Children, Asshole father...it's all too much man. Savior where are you?

Well I graduated on the 22nd. And now it's my first day at Uconn. I'm so nervous! Okay..I'm out until later!

It is finally ending. The long 4 years of high school is coming to an end. I have 1 more day of classes. Then for 3 days we have exams,1 make-up day and then I graduate...Wednesday the 22nd. No more waking up and 5:50 in the morning. No more driving god-knows-how many miles to school in the morning. No more gossip and fights among friends...no more restrictive rules...(wait..yeah right..there will alays be those.) No more of my little friends...a new life awaits me. I'm sooo shitting myself right now...I'm kinda scared.

OMG! I'm so hungry! Anyway, time has begun to slow down and I am able to actually take time to breathe again. Things have started to return to normal. Thanks to you Adolfo, for your comment and yes, I did get my much needed sleep. You should give me your journal name so that I may leave comment in your journal as well. Well time to go to class. Byes! ^^ ~Hey Adolfo, what kind of stuff do you like to do? Do you have AIM?~

How does it all happen? Why does this all happen? Do things keep happening to me because fate believes I can take it? One thing after another, there truly is no rest for the weary. Just when I see that silver lining, the clouds open up again and pour out acid tears. Some people who may read my journal may think I’m making this all up just for fun but I’m not…as my friends know, I can’t lie to save my life. It just isn’t in me. So would you like to know what crazy adventure I had this time…if not, I think you should leave…like now. Yesterday was nothing short of tiring and today is not any better. In fact it’s worse. Way worse. After getting home, I went and took my college placement exam and then I registered for my fall classes. From 2:15 to 5:00, I was UCONN campus. I got home and took a shower. We had a family meeting around 9. I went upstairs and cleaned my room…about 12:44 I went to sleep. At 1, I woke up to my mother screaming for me. I ran downstairs to find my sister’s boyfriend bleeding profusely on the kitchen floor. My mom is a CNA (certified nurse assistant), so we began to bandage him up to stop the bleeding. Apparently, he got attacked on his way home (he lives with us). He was stabbed in multiple places and they were rather deep. He needed stitches, but the stubborn ass didn’t want to go to the hospital. My mom called his brother at his request and told him what had happened. At this point I’m covered in blood trying to clean him up and keeping him conscious. We got him stabilized and laid him on the couch to what for his brother. I continued cleaning until he and their sister got there. They took him to the hospital and I sat on the couch because I could not go to sleep. I dozed off for about 10 min. and then the police arrived. To shorten this up because I’m running out of time…police questioned my mother and I. We had to wake everyone else because we had to go down to the police station...at fucking 3 something in the morning. We were down there for damn near three hours. We left at 6:15. Just enough time for me to go home, wash up and leave for school. I had to have my godfather drive me to school because I would have crashed (yes, I’m still driving…I’m a rebel.). So now I’m in school, dead tired and my sister’s boyfriend is in the hospital. I wanna puke, I wanna sleep, and I wanna just end all this madness. Today was not a good day, and this is only the beginning. My counselor told me she was very proud of me, that despite everything, I’m still here trying to give my all. Her nickname for me now is Phoenix; I shall rise from the ashes. She says she can expect great things from me. I just wanna go to sleep, No more great things from me, I’m too fucking tired. Time for me next class…thankfully, it is the last.

What a weekend! Sunday was the worst day ever. I can't get my license till I'm 21. So why am I so bubbly? Because now that I think about it I can't stop laughing at how stupid it all was. So let me rewind and tell you what happened... *Rewinding noises* Saturday, woke up and clean house. I mean spring-cleaning clean. Cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, living room, dining room, and bedrooms. Pulled out everything, stove, fridge...everything. I then washed the hair of a friend of mine. To pay me back, he took me to the movies to see Madagascar. (Great movie, very funny...dancing lemurs anyone?) Since my ex-boyfriend and I are still friends, I told him. The guy who took me to the movie is his friend. (Yes, I know...stupid me.) Ended at 2:30 in the morning (...I'll be back to finish this later. I have to go to class) (Back) Sunday, woke up, cleaned some more. While everyone was sleeping, I took Khaleb, my baby brother, and took a friend of mine to his girlfriend’s house. I then went to the mall. Why? I haven’t the slightest idea. I went to see my ex. We talked for a while and he played with Khaleb. People thought that we were still together and that Khaleb was ours. (Not cool!) Later went home, my sister, her boyfriend and I went to a said friend of ours’ house. He still hadn’t gotten back from his girlfriend’s house. My sister got pissed at her boyfriend because he was ignoring her so we left and went driving around. Later that night, after their argument, we took our brothers and some neighborhood boys to the carnival. I called my ex and told him I was there…actually I asked him if he wanted to go, to which he replied “no”. Whatever… I called him later while I was at the carnival and he told me that he was there too. What?! I saw him and he was with another girl…(HEART SHATTERS HERE!) I ran into another friend of mine which just so happens to be my sister’s ex. We walked around together while the kids were on the rides. Apparently, My ex saw us and decided to call me and asked me about it. Are you serious He called me later and asked me to give him a ride home. Because I’m stupid and I love him, (shoot me please) I went back to get him. Surprise, Surprise, she got in the car too. Not a very happy me at the moment. I drove in silence and every love song that came on…I changed it. He tried talking to me, but I did not respond. They got out and I just drove. Now it is a proven fact that I should not drive when I’m upset…especially if I’m on the verge of tears. I got pulled over for speeding by a state police officer. I was on my way to pick up me godfather who had just had a kidney transplant and it was beginning to rain. I didn’t want to keep him long. My mom is pregnant and was having some problems so she wasn’t able to get him herself…that is why I was driving in the first place. Whatever…got my ticket…$442. I called my mom, let her know what was happening, had my sister’s boyfriend come and get us…since she was with me too. I drove back with my friend’s brother since he had to drive my sister’s boyfriend down there. On the way back, the car hit something, car spins out of control. I’m curled up in the back seat, crying because things just keep getting worse. Tire was shredded...tired gets changed, we make it home safely. I called my ex, told him everything and then went to sleep…more like passed out cuz I never made it to my bed. Ended at 3:00 in the morning. And that’s the way it went…glad to be alive. I realized that it was my jealousy and anger that caused all of this to happen. *nod nod :3* Well till next time…Ren signing off…Lataz