dude this is fucking retarded. so alyssas party is tonight. i decided i wasnt gonna drink becuz i knew somehow i wuld get caught or something. so then my parents find out that there will be drinking there and then my dad is like "youre not going at all" and alll this complete and utter bullshit. frikin stupid. and then my mom said i have to come home at 12. i think thats gey. grr. so bendig called and didnt wanna go alone but i already had a ride with mike...now i feel bad making her go alone...shit... i feel really really REALLY anxious right now. for like the past hour, since i found out i could go to the party, my stomach has been in knots and im not sure whats wrong. i had this feeling last week, but everything went fine. hopefully this is the same. well alyssas mom called my mom and said a bunch of crap to fix what was going on, and now, becuz of the party, it will prollie all go back to shit. yes. lovely. this also sucks balls becuz i havent seen bryant in liek a million years. hes going tonight. ill prollie get there after he leaves. yes. wonderful! i love life. so i guess this whole entry is just me bitching and complaining, but whats new? so my friend just came by to see me right now. i was actually really happy to see him, but for some reason i was quiet. i question that. he seemed pretty distant anyways. pacing and what not.i dunno. i never know. i guess ill go wait for mike to get here so we can go have the time of our lives. woo hoo! :/