i fucking dont want a social life anymore. i wish i had friends who understood the way i feel. and that the ones who do understand wuld fucking care. and i wish i always understood everyone. and that they knew that i try my best to understand and that they get that i dont always know the right words to say, but ill always be there for them.. and i wish my friends always knew the right words to say. and i wish i wasnt compelled to read everyone else's myspace comments and feel insanely fucking jealous. and i wish that i didnt get jealous over everything...or atleast that ppl would realize that what they do tears me apart. and i wish that when i tell ppl how i feel, that instead of saying they care and then doing nothing to help, that theyll actually try to make a change in whats happening. and i also wish that more people could just be more straightforward and not leave me wondering whats going on half the time. i dont want them to be assholes about it...but id rather be hurt by the truth than happy with lies...becuz once i figure out the truth, my life goes to shit becuz i realize how stupid i was to believe such a lie. i wish that i was more satisfied with the way things went in my life, or that it didnt really make a difference to me, because then i wouldnt be sitting here typing this and thinking how much i hate how everything in my life turns out. and how much i hate myself. so many changes i would make. i dont think thats how life should be lived. if you think about it, our lives are pointless...humans have created a purpose for themselves. their purpose is to learn from their mistakes, fall in love, get a career, work your ass off for barely any pay off and then die. if thats all we're really living for then fuck, why give a shit? might as well go out and fuck around and fuck up. sure, everyone wants to be successful in life, and that wuld be great, but what is success worth if youre not living the way you want. if you can say that you have the most high paying job of them all, it doesnt matter if youre not having fun and getting what you want out of life. and i dont know where im going with this...i started out writing becuz of jealousy..and now im talking about life... .