..i decided to start a new diary . the other one just seemed too full . it also seemed sort of fake . i want this one to be all me. nothing exciting happened in school . i found out how sexually freaky john is . i love it . its just crazy . i dont know if matt will call tonight or not . i pissed him off pretty bad yesturday . i feel kinda of bad . im just getting sick of being let down all the time . ------------------------------------- matt called . i really do wanna see him tomorrow . im just scared that he wont show up or something . i feel pathedic saying this but he really does mean everything to me .