The story of my life now seems to be about waiting. I am waiting for my Physics class to start, I am waiting to see if I can pull off the grades so as to keep my scholarship, and I am waiting to see where I might be able end up with the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind waiting at all. just don't like the uncertainty that falls with the wait. I don't know if I will pull off the grades or not, I don't know if I will get the girl or not, I don't even know if she will be a close friend of mine any time soon. I want her to be my everything, I want to be her everything. I talked to her for a little while last night online, I actually was able to get out my thoughts about us. I know where my faults in the relationship lie, I know that the things I did wrong for her are going to be wrong for anyone I happen to want to be with. I want it to be her, and I want her to trust that I want to change the things like jealousy, clingy, controlling to some extent. I feel that the controlling will take care of itself once I get beyond the other two. I feel that I will be happy with us so long as she wants to call me as much as she can, she doesn't have to do it often, or for long periods of time, but just as much time as she can spare. I realize how very busy she is with a fulltime job and fulltime work. I know that with me, I don't have the job, just classes and after class I just want to do some things for myself, hang with friends and all that fun stuff,.. sometimes just get out of the house. I want her to have fun when she can, I don't want her to worry about what I think because after I get used to her calling when she can, knowing that no matter what she is out doing, or who she is with, she is going to come home in love with me. I know she won't do anything to hurt me in the respect of cheating. I know that she makes me happy and that I can't seem to function without her crossing my mind. I love her, and I want to change these things for both of us. I want to be able to make her happy, as happy as she has made me. I also find that I need to take time to think before I speak. I say a lot of things when the emotions aren't subdued, I find that the emotions are still there after time is taken to think things out, but the emotion of anger isn't the same. I still feel it, to some extent, but I can, at a later time, understand more of what is going on around me. I love her and hate saying things that hurt her, things that hurt us. Maybe sleeping on it isn't such a bad idea.... Aaron