I'm no longer going to use SitD. Almost everyone I've been reading has either quit writing here, or moved, with the exception of like 2 people. I'll continue to check up on Ashley and Paul, but I'll no longer write. If you wanna keep up with me, I occasionally write in my blog at MySpace See y'all around

Kevin Fowler is my favorite Country entertainer. I've dreamt about meeting him forever. A large group of us went to Schroeder Hall tonight for his show with Jarrod Birmingham. My little bro went with us, he took this: And after the shot was taken, I realized....I wasn't in control. I met KEVIN FREAKING FOWLER, and all I said was "thanks hun" after the picture. After I sat my ass on the table, after waiting in line for 45 minutes, that was it. I had like 4 beers within 30 minutes, which is unheard of for me. I drank them because they were bought for me, I didn't want to hurt the guys' feelings by not drinking them... I'm sick of always doing what everyone else asks of me. For once, I want it to be about ME, what I want. I want to go to a show and stand where I want to stand and sing and be silly, and maybe NOT drink and be poised and impressive when I get my big chance. Not the goofy girl that sits her butt on the table and won't remember this tomorrow because her maybe-boyfriend and friend wanted her to get drunk. I need to take care of ME. Gosh, I wish I could have said SOMETHING. I'm not them....

I'm exhausted. I took a 3-hour nap late this afternoon, I just couldn't hang anymore. I've been out almost every night this week, and I'm worn out. It's a good worn though, I've had a blast. Wednesday night, a country singer I like was playing at Downtown Grill, a little bar in Downtown Victoria. I hung out, listened to music, met some new people and a few I already knew. Thursday night my favorite guy came in and we went dancin. We haven't seen each other in a long time, so it was a much-needed visit. Friday night, my favorite guy, his best friend, and I went to see Roger Creager and Kevin Fowler in concert. So I got to bed at 4:30, woke up at 8:30 so I could go to Bocktoberfest. The boys were supposed to be in Shiner by noon...they showed up after 3. So after the initial pissiness, we had fun. I met some nice people in the parking lot and hung out with them off and on through the day. Jake's friends were fun too. I felt a little bad because he wasn't with the group much--he stuck with me almost all day. He kept moving through the crowd to find a place where I could see (everyone seemed to be over 6-feet tall!) On the way home, Jake drove my car, which he loved, and we had a little convoy back to Edna. Jake, Dave, Matt, Austin, and Eric came back to our house and ate the Italian casserole (Jake’s favorite) that Mom made. Everyone talked for awhile, got to know the boys, then our 4 visitors crashed in the living room. They started to wake up about 11, Mom and I made breakfast: pancakes, sausage, eggs, toast. Jake’s best friend Dustin and Dustin’s girl Tina came over and played video games until lunchtime, when Mom cooked for them again. They took off about 3 to head to Dave’s in San Antonio (about 3 hours from here) and then back to Lubbock from there (another 6 hours). Anyway, it was a great weekend. Oh yeah, and Seether and Audioslave kicked serious ass. The only way it could have been better would’ve been to have my favorite guy there too. I hope things will settle down soon and we’ll be able see each other more.

I'm loving my new car. It's been in my name for a week and a half, but I've actually had it less than that. She had to go in the shop for a few days...I got the car on Thursday, and had issues with it on Friday. I was going to pick up a friend, and there's a killer sharp curve...It was really dark, there are no street lights near it, and I thought the road was wider than it actually was. Long story short, I went into a ditch. I got out right away and drove it the rest of the way (like a block, maybe 2) to my friend's. And found I was leaking transmission fluid. There was a metal water meter sticking out of the side of the ditch, and since my car is so freakin low to the ground, it bent the pan under my transmission...They got it fixed within 2 days, and it wasn't too expensive, so I didn't have to file it with my insurance, thank goodness! Of course, I'm a bit of a nervous wreck driving now...I'm afraid I'm gonna do something to screw up my car again... This weekend is Bocktoberfest. I'm so excited. My little bro and 4 of his friends are driving down for it. So I'll get to celebrate my birthday a couple days early with Jake and my favorite rock/alternative band Audioslave!!! I'm hoping my other favorite guy will go with me, but I won't really know anything until the last minute. I saw the movie "Waiting" yesterday. It was funny, really raunchy though. Saturday night I hung out at a friend's house for a little while. I left earlier than I intended because there was a little drunken drama, so I went to the club I always go to. I saw alot of people I knew, and danced alot, it was nice. Except for the girlie crap. My ex-fiancee was there. I noticed him while I was walking around, and just said "Hey" and kept going. He saw me, picked me up and gave me a big hug. Well, his fiancee/live-in-girlfriend/babymama (whatever she is now) decided this was cause to threaten to "kick [my] big white ass". I let it go, I didn't feel I did anything to deserve it, but I didn't want any trouble, so I put on my happiest face and told her congratulations and wished her luck with her pregnancy. She said "whatever bitch" and I walked away. And then her man got plastered because she told him not to. Wow, I'm prayin for this baby. What really hurt was one of my former best friends was there, and was right along with that girl, talking trash about me. I thought the only reason Kim and I stopped hanging out was because she moved, guess I was wrong. Girls suck. (no offense to any of you female readers, of course) Well, off to clean. My room's a pigsty, and we're going to have a house full of boys this weekend, I'd better get crackin! (Jake and his friends are spending Saturday night here after the fest)

See that? That's my car. Yup, MY CAR! 2005 Pontiac Sunfire Coupe, in sport red. I couldn't get my camera to work to take a picture of my actual car, so that pic's off the website, but that's it. It drives so nice, and has awesome gas mileage. 34 mpg highway, 23 city. And it was in my price range! I've been looking at it for awhile, and had the deal in the works for 3 days now, and I drove it off the lot today! I can't believe I have a new car! Not a new-to-me car, an actual new, only mine, under warranty car! Okay, I think I'm done gloating now. Things are lookin up.

So Rita didn't come anywhere near us, everything's okay. My friend Jonathan called yesterday. The voicemail he left scared me. He said he just needed to talk, and he wanted me to know how much I mean to him, that he loves me like a sister. I called him right away to make sure he was okay...He told me a couple weeks ago that his mom and stepdad were getting a divorce. He was upset about it, they've been together since he was little, he's very close to his stepdad. Here's how the beginning of the conversation went: D: "Are you okay? What's up?" J: "Remember how I told you my Mom and Stepdad are getting a divorce?" D: "Yeah" J: "He shot himself Thursday night" Right now, he's all business. He went to see the lawyer today, apparently Mr. V had been planning this: he had a will drawn up very recently. So Jonathan went to find out about that today. I'll go to the funeral tomorrow just so he knows I'm there for him. I didn't know Mr. V, I'd only talked to him on the phone a couple times, but Jonathan needs to know someone's there for him. He said yesterday that nobody's come to see him, none of his "friends" have been there now that he's in need. I'm probably going to help clean his house this weekend...I want to help him, this is the only way I know how...

So Rita's headed this way. It's a category 5 hurricane now; our windows are boarded up and everyone's preparing to head to hopefully safer ground. We are going to Bastrop, outside Austin, to stay with my uncle. My little brother's 9 hours away, so we know he's safe, but he's freaking out because he can't get to us. To all my fellow south-Texans, please be careful. Head somewhere safe, SOON. On the local news this evening, the anchorwoman said the police can't make people leave the area, but they strongly advise it. They said if you plan on staying, take a marker and write your name and social security number across your stomach so they can identify your body. Wow, if that doesn't make them leave, nothin will!

My diary has been friends-only. I use it to vent, say what I need to get off my chest, and occasionally get feedback. I have it set as friends-only because the majority of the world does not need to know what I'm thinking, feeling or doing. I have deemed the people on my list as being trustworthy....apparently I chose wrong. I thought you all respected privacy, and knew that it isn't right to spread information around about other people. I will be ceasing use of this diary, as I do not want any more drama, and someone here, maybe several people, have only butted in where they do not belong. I have greatly enjoyed sitD, and I'm sorry that I've let whoever it may be ruin it for me. Call me childish, say whatever you'd like--I do what I need to do to protect myself, to look out for me. ***Added: I haven't said anything bad about Gerd in my public entries. If I had something negative about him to say, I made it private. He has decided to lay it all bare and make his public entries private, I'm going to show the same courtesy. Nothing to lose, so there's nothing to hide.

I was wasting time today, surfing diaries, and found this. I'll probably paste it like 5 more times with different bands, lol. I enjoyed it. Bands // Song TitlesCreated by BourdiezFreak and taken 29554 times on BzoinkChoose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:Dashboard ConfessionalAre you female or male:Hey GirlDescribe yourself:Saints and SailorsHow do some people feel about you:Again I go UnnoticedHow do you feel about yourself:So BeautifulDescribe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:Ghost of a Good ThingDescribe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:Tonight I'll Take What I Can GetDescribe where you want to be:Summer KissDescribe what you want to be:VindicatedDescribe how you live:Living In Your LettersDescribe how you love:Several Ways to Die TryingShare a few words of wisdom:If You Can't Let it Be, Might as Well Make It BleedCreate a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink So I went back for one more. Take a wild guess who I had in mind at the time! Bands // Song TitlesCreated by BourdiezFreak and taken 29557 times on BzoinkChoose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:Roger CreagerAre you female or male:What's a Lonely Girl to DoDescribe yourself:I Say When I Drink What I Think When I'm SoberHow do some people feel about you:Should've Learned by NowHow do you feel about yourself:Delicacy of a RoseDescribe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:Love Is CrazyDescribe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:Fun All WrongDescribe where you want to be:Long Way To MexicoDescribe what you want to be:Some Get RichDescribe how you live:Things Look Good Around HereDescribe how you love:Love Is So SweetShare a few words of wisdom:Let It RollCreate a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink

So I overreacted. I have a tendency to do that. I was so angry that one, maybe more, of you relayed information about me to someone you knew was no longer part of my life. But I love sitD, and most of the people here, so I'm not going to let anyone ruin this for me. If you wanna talk about me, go ahead. I'm over it.

I called Gerd tonight. The last I'd heard from him was Sunday morning at 4 a.m. when he said he went to a club then was going to an after-party. I intially was angry, because he gave me crap the one time I went to an after-party, and here he was doing it. Anyway, it's not like him to go a day without calling or sending some kind of message. So I called to make sure he was still alive. He was fine, then I said I had to go. I saw he was online, I sent him a message and said I was sorry if I interrupted anything--he was rather short with me, so I thought something was up. He said he was getting ready to go out, but he wanted to talk later. I said I was going to bed, so I couldn't talk later. He called me, and asked me to never call him again, that he deserves better than me. I asked where this was coming from--the past few days we'd been fine. He said I never went to see him. So I guess the freakin week I took off work to stay in Houston--when he knows I hate Houston-- meant nothing. I asked if this was because I didn't cancel plans with my friends when he asked me to this weekend, he just said he deserved better than me. Frankly, I don't think he'll find anyone that will treat him better than I did. At least not anyone with a backbone. Maybe that's what he wants-- someone who'll do what he asks when he asks. I can't be that. I can't just give up my life and everything here to go where he wants me to go. Especially not if we're not together. I'm actually relieved that it's done, I hope he lets it stay that way. I know the way Gerd is, and I know he's feeling a great amount of hatred for me right now, but that's just how he deals with things. I haven't done anything against him, I've tried to be the best friend to him I can be without losing myself, but I know he's bitter toward me. That's fine, there's nothing I can do about that, I just hope he lets me be. I wish him the best of luck, I hope it does find someone better suited for him than me.

Last Saturday I went to see Jack Ingram in concert. My mom and best friend went with me. My relatively-new buddy, James, met us there with a bunch of his buddies. I had a blast. Jack autographed a shirt for me, which I sent to my little brother. He even called me a cutie! Saturday night I'm going with James and his best friend Leslie to a rodeo that his cousin is riding in. I like Leslie, we met at the concert, she's so sweet. She's a 3rd grade teacher, and we have alot in common. So it's gonna be a good weekend. I dyed my hair tonight. It's a dark-blonde, closer to my natural color without making me look washed out. My former boss is trying to set me up. I went to the preschool yesterday to pick up my last paycheck. I got lots of hugs and "We miss you"s. As soon as Kelley saw me, she asked "Are you dating anybody?", and everyone looked at Brandy. She asked why they were lookin at her, and Kelley said "Because you'd know if Dawn's dating somebody better than she'd know", lol. Kelley wants to set me up with a guy that works with her husband. Brandy wants to set me up with a guy that works with Mike. Jackie wants me to take her out and set her up with one of my friends, lol. If I wanted to date someone, I would be. I can find my own guys, thank you! I was out of the office most of this morning, I had to run errands all over the place for Mr. K. It's nice getting out of there for awhile. I drive Mrs. K's Cadillac, which I love, and get to be by myself and sing along to the radio. They can send me out every day! Thank you to everyone that left supportive comments on my last entry. It was just a terrible day, but things really aren't so bad. I'm counting my blessings.

I feel I need to write, but I can't find the words. Everything sucks right now. Work isn't terrible, but it isn't good, my mother's being a bitch, Gerd's away. I'm going nowhere, there's no bright future in sight anymore. What happened to me? Why did I let myself get to this point?

Lord, be with their families and the people investigating the case. I went to Speedy Stop to get gas that afternoon, and saw that Tiffany wasn't there. I asked if she was off that day, they said no, so I just figured she came in later... Every time I'd go in there, she'd talk to me, ask how things were, how my brother was. She and Jake would always pick on each other. Jake's good friend Chris is Sam's little brother. Their former higschool principal had to get Chris away from everything, he was so angry and ready to explode. Thank God Mr. Wright was there for him. Mom went to see Linda Coker, Sam's mother, yesterday morning. They've been friends for as long as we've lived here. Mom was on her way to work and saw Mr. Coker outside, she just stopped to see she could do. Mr. Coker told her to go inside, that Linda could use someone to talk to. Mom walked in, and Mrs. Coker hugged her and broke down. I can't even imagine what she's going through---finding her son, his girlfriend, and friend shot in the head in his own home. That image will haunt her forever. Lord, please be with the families involved. Please give them the guidance and resources necessary to find who did this. ************ Ashley (englishsongbird) included a link to information about Steffany. Steffany and I graduated the same year, so we had classes together all through school, and got to be fairly close. She lived right next door to one of my best friends, in Jr. High the 3 of us had sleepovers. Steffany was murdered shortly after highschool. I wanted to go to the funeral, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I used work as an excuse to keep myself from feeling guilty, but it didn't help. My little brother's in Lubbock, and I offered to buy him a plane ticket home, so he'd at least have the option of being here to say goodbye to Tiffany. I kicked myself for years for not saying goodbye to Steffany, and I didn't want Jacob to go through that. I've made my peace with it though...August 10 would have been Steffany's 23rd birthday, and I visited her grave. I said what I needed to say, what I've been fighting with all this time. Of course I still miss her, I can't go into Inez dancehall without expecting her to run up and give me a hug and introduce me to the new boy she met, but that will always be there. But now I don't kick myself anymore. [Added Sunday night: Today I was talking to my friend James that I met a few months ago at a club. He mentioned that he dated a girl that used to live in Edna. I asked who, he said Steffany Sklar. And my heart jumped in my throat. He's the James she went on about our last few months of highschool. They broke up when she left for college. It's strange that he knew her, he's not from here, it was a fluke that they even met. Strange] Tonight (Sunday) is the visitation for both Sam and Tiffany. The funeral is tomorrow, but since I'm working, I'll just go to the visitation tonight. Mom will go with me tonight, and to the funeral tomorrow. She's talked to Linda again yesterday, and is surprised how well she's doing, she's really held it together...so far.

Jakey is officially settled in. We left at 6 a.m. Saturday to take him to Texas Tech University. We bummed around Lubbuck Saturday night, then at 10 a.m. Sunday, we moved him in. We got his room set up, made the obligatory trip to Wal-Mart for the things he forgot, then went to lunch. He was a little lonely last night because he had the room to himself. His roommate moved in today, Jake helped him set up, and then Terry (the roommate)'s mom took them out to supper. He had a good day. This week will be busy for him, they have a bunch of Welcome Week events set up, so hopefully he'll make friends. Next Monday he starts classes. So far, things are okay at home. Mom misses him, but it hasn't really sunk in that he's gone yet. Today was my first official day at KFS. We got in at 3 a.m., and I was draggin bootie to work at 8 a.m. It went well though, I was busy all day. I think I'm going to love my job, and I'm learning quickly. So far, I've made the right choice.

We're leaving at 6 a.m. tomorrow to drop my brother off at college. This is the weekend for goodbyes---I said goodbye to my life as I know it today. I walked into "the big room" this morning and found a sign on the wall decorated with bright markers that said "Good Luck and God Bless You Ms. Dawn" "We are going to miss you". All of the staff and parents signed it, and some of the kids wrote their own names. When I walked into the toddler room, in the place where I usually hang the toddlers artwork was a sign saying "Thank you for all you have done for the toddler class, we love you Ms. Dawn" and on the opposite wall was "We will miss you" surrounded by red and blue toddler handprints. Ms. Jackie brought cookies and cheetos and we had a toddler throw-down. We took the kids outside to play, then the director had us take them in early. They gave me a cake (decorated especially for me with Pink icing) and sang "God Bless you today, God bless you today, we'll miss you Ms. Dawn, God bless you today!". The girls gave me a pair of beautiful silver dangle earrings and my boss gave me a silver sequined koozie with red fur on the top and stitching that says "bling bling". She also wrote me a sweet letter. Brandy gave me a frosted glass picture frame ornament that says "best friends" and has red beads dangling from the bottom. Everyone was so sweet, all the parents gave me hugs and wished me luck in my new job. I made the girls candy bags and wrote on the outside in puff paint "Something SWEET to remind you of ME", and a card saying what they meant to me. I surprisingly didn't cry. Ms. Jackie, the main toddler teacher I've worked side-by-side with for the majority of the 2 years, is a hard-ass. She doesn't show much emotion, doesn't even hug her family, and NEVER cries....but today, when she told me goodbye, she gave me a huge hug and teared up. I almost broke out in tears...it meant so much to me. I really look up to Ms. Jackie; she's strong, beautiful, amazing with kids, and incredibly creative. It made me feel good knowing I meant that much to her. I'm going to miss that place--the girls, the parents, my babies. But this move is good for me. It's time to look out for me. P.S.~ Beth's poetry is contagious! dawn creative, passionate, concerned, driven sister of Jacob lover of the beach, music, sugar, and silliness who feels needed, loved, and confident that she is doing the right thing who needs laughter, music, and hugs who gives acceptance, prayers, and laughter who fears the death of loved ones, her dark side, and semi-trucks who would like to camp on the beach, find Mr. Right, and have cute babies resident of the great state ofTexas

Monday I had lunch with Kirk and his mom. It was nice, I like his mom. We went to my favorite mexican restaurant in town, and when they dropped me off, we took pictures in my driveway. That evening, Kirk and Brandon picked me up, and we went to Kirk's to eat. His mom made ham and brocolli, rice, & cheese casserole at Kirk's request. After dinner we sat on the porch and talked, then watched a movie. Before we started the movie, Kirk said he had a surprise for me. He gave me a silver and pearl frame with a picture in it that we'd taken at lunch. He was so proud of himself, lol. After the movie, which we didn't finish because Kirk and Brandon got distracted and beat the crap out of each other, we went to Kirk's grandma's to play pool, his friend Kevin met up with us. The guys played drinking games and told old football stories and talked about Kirk's job. Then we went to a truckstop for breakfast, and the boys embarrassed me. We took the boys home, and Kirk and I drove around until I had to come home and then said goodbye. I didn't get emotional, I just hugged him and told him to be careful. Yesterday when I got off work I had a voicemail saying he was in Dallas and would call me when he got to Kuwait. He called today from Ireland and talked to Daddy. So I should get a phonecall this evening from him. For the record: No, Kirk and I aren't "together", we're friends. I'm so excited! Jack Ingram, one of my favorite Texas country artists, is going to be in Inez a week from Saturday! My mom's even going to the show with me. I can't wait!

It's been a crazy week. I've been working at Kubecka's (my new job) during my 3-hour lunchbreak. I get off from the preschool, head straight there, work my bootie off, then go straight back to the preschool. My evenings have been slightly busy too. Tuesday night Kirk and I ate at a mexican restaurant, then went to his house to watch Spanglish. I can't decide if I liked that movie or not--parts of it were good, but other parts made me mad. I guess that was the point, to envoke emotion, and boy did it! See it, you'll know what I mean. Anyway, after the movie, we sat on the porch swing and talked for awhile. He talked alot about his deployment, it got emotional. It's been nice to be around him again, I'd almost forgotten what a great guy he is. If I had any single girl friends, I'd set him up for sure. Wednesday night we went to Downtown Grill in Victoria. Every Wednesday night they have Lonestar Live, with a different performer every week. This week was Josh Langston, who was really good. Some friends of mine were there, so we had fun, listening and drinking and talking. After the show, we went to Sonic, then headed back to Ganado to meet up with a friend of Kirk's at a party. The friend's having a tough time, so Kirk convinced him to leave the party and come hang out with us. It was nice. Thursday I worked my bootie off, didn't have time to eat lunch, so I just rested that night, hung out with Mom. Friday I went to a highschool volleyball game with my brother, then my buddy Jarred picked me up so I could look at that car, which I might finally be getting this week, but now it needs a new muffler before it will pass inspection (and then it'll be something else, grr, why couldn't he have told me all this crap up front? why'd he hide all these other problems he knew it had from me?). Then we went to the pub. I ran into an ooooold friend, from way back in the day, so we got to catch up. Then we went to The Old Schoolhouse, which we had to leave because I was starting to cry. The only other time I'd been there was with Gerd, and that was a memorable night, so it made me a little emotional being there without him, not knowing if I'd ever be anywhere with him again. I'm okay now, I'm doing what I've gotta do and so is he, so it's all good. Yesterday, Saturday, was my Uncle Bill's 63rd birthday party at my cousins. Everyone showed except my cousin and his wife (because Geri's gonna have a baby girl! so she can't travel, and they're 5 hours away). Yesterday was the first time I'd had an actual one-on-one conversation wiht my Aunt Jane. We talked about my new job, which she thinks I'm going to love, and how she had one similar to it when she was in college. We talked about the military (her nephew is stationed in the same place as Kirk), and family and life in general. She's a fascinating woman, I wish I'd gotten to know her sooner. I played with the little cousins (they're 2 and 5) and they wore me out! Last night, my brother Jake and I went to see Kevin Fowler at Schroeder Hall. I had a blast! Jake and I had groups of friends there, so it was neat. We met some new people too, nice ones that let me wiggle to the front so I could see over the tall people! After the show, we ate at IHOP. I'm gonna miss Jake, he goes to school a week from yesterday. It would be differet if he could come home once in awhile, but I don't know when we're gonna get to see each other. He'll be 9 hours away, and hopefully on the football team, so we don't even have guaranteed Holiday visits. Anyway, things are good, I've been busy. I'll say goodbye to Kirk today, I'll post again tonight. ******************** It's 3 a.m. and I just got home ;) Well, I got in about 2:30. We went to Kirk's grandmother's to play pool with his buddies. They're crazy, it was so much fun. After Kirk whipped their booties, Kirk and I went to his house to watch "Hide and Seek", which was freaky. I liked it. We haven't said goodbye yet, we're going to have lunch together tomorrow to say goodbye. That seems to be the way with us--before he left 2 other times, we went out on my lunch break and said goodbye; we both know I won't cry because I'm going back to work. I'm taking my lunch break for myself tomorrow, so I can see Kirk and go cash my paycheck. Plus, I have to open at the preschool, so I have to be there at 7 a.m. and I really won't feel like sitting at a desk. Wow, I have to be up in 3 1/2 hours, I'd better hit the hay. Night!

My buddy Kirk's on leave from Iraq. Last night we went to see "Wedding Crashers", went out to eat, hung out for awhile and just caught up. We haven't seen each other in 9 months, and haven't actually spent time together in over a year. We were listening to a c.d. a buddy made for him, and a Staind song came on. It took me awhile to realize I'd heard it before, last year at Bocktoberfest. The song had just been written, they'd never done it live before, and didn't even have a name for it yet. I really paid attention to the words as it was playing over Kirk's stereo, and started to cry: Right here waiting I know I've been mistaken But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made I've got some imperfections But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting I hope you're not intending To be so condescending it's as much as i can take and you're so independent you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting I've made a commitment I'm willing to bleed for you I needed fulfillment I found what I need in you Why can't you just forgive me I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting But you always find a way To keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting That about sums it up. It was good to see Kirk again. He leaves again soon to finish his tour, which makes me worry because it's so dangerous, but he's almost done. He told me about his travels, about how things are where he's stationed, and all about his ex. They broke up in March because she cheated on him, and now she's living with a much older man 1 1/2 hours away. So yeah, he's hung up on it. He asked alot of questions about Gerd, and hopes to meet him after he comes back home. They're both such great guys, I'm lucky to call them both my friends. I put in my 2-week notice today, and it turned out to be a huge fiasco. I was asked if more money or more hours would make me stay. I said I couldn't, I've already made a commitment to this new job. And I know they won't give me more money. Yeah, they'd give me more hours no problem, but who wants to spend MORE time in a place they're already sick of? I'm going to miss the preschool, but I won't miss: -dirty diapers -checking heads for lice -working with several bitchy women -getting hit, kicked, and bitten -dealing with parents with rage issues -having little kids backwash in my Dr. Pepper (a little booger stole my drink today, and went to time-out!) So yeah, I'm definitely getting out at the right time. I had another parent ask me to babysit her kid today. I told her I'm usually busy on weekends, but I'd give her my number anyway. If I can't do it, I have friends that can. This turned out to be alot longer than I expected, so I'll just quit now!

July 22nd I officially start my new job! I have to put in my 2-weeks notice with the preschool on Monday, my boss is either gonna cry or yell, so I need to prepare for both. I'm going to be the secretary of a small flying service. They run crop dusters and ground rigs, and stay pretty busy. I'll be dealing with the pilots and truck drivers, answering the phone, responding to the radio, doing payroll and all the accounting, writing receipts, filing maps, making appointments...I'm gonna be a busy bee! I'm excited about this, it just kind of fell in my lap. I've known the people that run the service for years-- I met them through church and used to babysit their children (who are now in 8th and 11th grade). After I graduated highschool, Mrs. offered me the job, but I was already employed...she offered it to me several times after that, but always right after I'd already committed to something else. So this was excellent timing. I ran into a friend of mine tonight, a friend I was very pissed off with for trying to screw me over on a car he found FOR ME. Anyway, he's decided to pull his head out of his butt and sell it to me for slightly over what we'd previously discussed. See, I offered him a generous amount, and he decided he could sell it to someone else for alot more. Well, he apologized and said he'd give it to me for $50 over what I offered, which is alot better than what he wanted to charge me. I said that's fine, but if I'm paying that extra money, then he's going to install the new battery he says it needs. He said that's fine, so next payday, I will have my very own hunk of junk ;) ! So, things are looking up. Gerd and I are possibly going to be friends. I'm not gonna push it, he knows I'm here and will talk when he wants to call me. Now don't worry, I'm not putting my life on hold, by any means. I'm going to do my thing and he'll do his, but hopefully some day things will line out and we'll be doing things together.