Working makes me feel too realistic, i loose the imagination that i prided myself on at one point and time. Everything in the world becomes so much more real and hard and cruel, without any excape to it all. However being 19, almost 20, without a "real job" makes other people veiw me as near worthless and a lazy, pathetic, slob. Should i sacrifice my happiness, childlike wonder and imagination for the mere pleasure of other people? Or should i keep my intellect and let others see me for what i am not. Its sad how much people judge everyone now a days, mostly based on the most ridiculous of things. For the first time in a long time i finally feel almost back to what i concidered normal for myself. Its the oddest feeling actually... im not sure if i should be rejoicing for having found myself again after being barried under all the hard reality ive faced, or if i am really as worthless as everyone around me seems to think i am now. Theres so much more to me then whats on the surface. But people cant get pass the surface long enough to understand my "being". I am not a fighter in the least. I will not fight a fight that leads almost nowhere in the end results. Its not giving up, its choosing my battles, and the battle of what people see will never change for the sole fact that people arent open minded anymore. We never were. I almost feel like a witch in salem in the era of the witch trials. Being tormented and hung for my belief. I always wondered if when they watched the lifeless dead body of their victims swing back and forth from the noose if theyd suddenly regretted what they were doing or if the hate in their hearts were still as strong as when the "witch" was alive. They were blood thirsty, and hundereds of years down the line, nothing has changed. Human beings are always going to fear what they do not understand and fear only leads to hate. "World peace" Is only a fantasy, a dream, a myth. The only peace anyone is going to find is the peace within themselves. Most cant even do that.