I sat on my couch this morning watching charmed and drinking a cup of coffee when completly unexpectedly i just started bawling my eyes out. after about fifteen mintues of useless crying and trying to make my big red puffy eyes go back to normal i tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I dont think im happy. I dont think i ever was really. Im not sure really. i feel so helpless. i feel like im falling - falling with no bottom. And yet nothing is diffrent in my life to make this feeling arise. ITs like i woke on morning and suddenly my body decided its time to be utterly unthinkably miserable. if im miserable like this now, how am i going to be if he goes?