summer daysdriftin' awaybut uh-ohthose hot summer nights Damn, more randomness... I would never thought this summer would get into my head. This year's is the absolute strangest. My appetite, for example. Thanks to Russiane's influence, I think the nerves are telling me that water tastes better than the typical rice and ulam. And having this stupid little fetish for McDo. :p And having a hard time walking with my vintage Chucks my mom got me, which is so not me. And having this silly little crush on Trish Stratus. I'm sorry, but she's just too hot for this world. Also, my love for John Cena is slowly coming back to life...(sorry Jake!!!) And suddenly turning into this hopeless romantic watching shows like "My Name is Kim Sam Soon." :p And that stupid song from Grease not getting out of my head and having the hots for the young John Travolta, that effin' butt chin. And sleeping early like 10 P.M. instead of 1 in the morning. It's just not me. I'm a caffeine addict, am I not? And I found myself desiring not to see anyone familiar for now under any circumstances. In case, I'll throw rocks. So if anyone tries to call me or make some form of contact with me, expect my tongue to be sharp enough to cut glass. Hope a little Wrestlemania 21 and 22 will cure this. Damn, more randomness to go...

jesus walkgod show me the way because the devil tryna break me downjesus walk with methe only thing that i pray is that my feet don't fail me nowjesus walkand i don't think there's nothing i could do to right my wrongsjesus walk with mei wanna talk to god but i'm afraid coz we ain't spoke in so longso longjesus walk with me To the hottest WWE heel alive...HAPPY 26TH BIRTHDAY!!! :p He's so hot I love to hate him. But I don't know why but I'm suddenly so sad right now, when I shouldn't be. Wait. I think I know all the reasons why. I guess they're just too many to mention. I'll keep it zip now. Writing an entry at 3:13 in the morning just goes to show how sabog and malabo I am. I don't think I'm making sense right now. I don't have load. I can't text people. :'( I'm suddenly going through another wave of nostalgia. Reminiscing on the past. No wonder I'm getting depressed. I miss N-III (And I certainly don't miss those effin' dykes!). I miss Aaron and Russiane. I miss summer. Oh wait. It is summer. Speak of which, Aaron and Abi broke up. Not because of the fight which I thought, but the girl's dad eventually found out that she has a boyfriend without him knowing, and so on and so forth. Which lead my traitorous self to confess my love for him once again, and again, to no avail. But it don't matter anymore. I'm happy just being friends with him. Which reminds me: 2nd fucking year. Daaaaammmn!!! Nope...I shouldn't think about that right now. It is summer, right? I want to go to the beach. Today, mom and I went shopping. She bought me a new pair of shades. I wanna use them, too. And I have lots of sunblock in my bag. I wanna finish all three bottles by the end of May. I want McDo. I think I'm gonna go order for delivery right now. Hmmm. This is such a random entry. I really am malabo. Hehehehe...me and my malabo self. :p

you might thinki don't lookbut deep insidein the corner of my mindi'm attached to youi'm weakit's truebecause i'm afraid to know the answerdo you want me too?because my heart keeps falling faster Hehehehe...I'm an official Gir fan (Gir is from the Nickelodeon cartoon Invader Zim). Check out my Friendster. It's quite amusing, really. Hehehehe! Okay...so this culminates our finals week. And the bottomline is--I wasn't able to study anything at all. One minute I was scanning through my notes, the next I was doing anything but study. This is my school sickness; as the days draw near to summer, my laziness will take over me and I would barely care if I would do better or worse in anything. This is college, I know, and I should be serious. But hell, this is only my first year. My course is nursing. The real torture will begin with these horrible three letters: O-J-T. Hehehe! Like you're expecting me to become excited. Pfft... And so the drama continues with Aaron's current storm... I know it's not in my place, but of course, the guy's my friend. And I kinda had a history with him, so...whatever! I don't wanna discuss it again! He refers to it as me almost jumping on him. Hehehe! Moron, at least I didn't totally jump on him. It would have been too embarassing. His recent problem is not something you could eat cookies with, but he did say he can handle it. Like I was saying, these kinds of things are already so far out of his experience that he could still sleep straight thru the night. And what the woman is doing isn't exactly his first idiotic glitch. Here's a reason I couldn't accept her as his boo--she had these slightly annoying 3-year-old emotional IQ tendencies. And the continuing of her cold shoulder towards him...was really starting to slightly piss me off. At least Aaron had his composure. Her...well, I don't know. A hopeless case, that's what she is. Oh damn, why am I even talking about her?! I thought I was through this! Thank God for summer... So the two of us went to Russiane's in tambay mode. I thought it might be a good idea to bring him there to forget his problems for a while. And I found out it was, because it was like 1st semester all over again...the three of joking and talking over microwave popcorn and Coke like the old days. And I realized that I actually miss those times. Aaron kept saying that he wouldn't mind breaking up with Abi (although I could tell he would eat up those words someday), if Russiane will go to CSM for our second year, despite the possibilities of being an irregular student. Russiane said, though, she will go back to CSM, if I won't go to San Beda Alabang when Dad gets accepted there for a teaching job. If Dad gets accepted. Like I have a choice. When Aaron left, I was finally swimming in the pool, but the wind was cold, and I was shivering like crazy, so after an hour I dressed back up again in my school clothes, thanked Russiane for her time, and here I was. :p I don't think the countdown for my summer should be counted. It's too boring. Unless I have a job...now that would be nice. If there is a clearance day, I will invite Russiane over to school, and will give Aaron something to remember me by. Hehehe! Watch out for that! Next entry: The Things I Will Miss and Will Not Miss In My N-III Days. Soon! I heart you, Jake...:p

so does she still look at you the same way nowfeel the same as 38 years that go and howso does she still look at you the same way nowfeel the same as 38 years that go and howshe won't leave you all alone I love my background! Looks like a Jake stamp. Hehehehe! I love that baby blue-eyed fool to pieces... Today was quite a surprise...all our tests today turned out to be unexpectedly easy. Even Filipino, the one that I'm expecting to be bloody, was all in multiple choice plus two bonus questions. Time really runs fast. Not to mention more true colors from Jayvee and RJ. Those two had their screws loose today: Jayvee playing with a long tingting, thrusting it at RJ, who was playing with what is supposed to be called a sword. Hehehehe! I grew even more exhausted because I was laughing so hard. So...Kuya Aaron still had his marital problems up in the air. But I saw him talking to her, which she reciprocated with a cold shoulder. And I honestly don't like the way she was treating him lately. Because the guy was really starting to scare me. I wanted to talk to him so he would feel okay, but the look he had on his face looked like he was ready to strangle someone. He obviously misses her, but he should have some composure. That's the best thing I could only say. Man, I hope he wouldn't misinterpret me ignoring him for quite some time. Baka mapikon lang ako sa kanya eh, if he acts like that and talks to me. He needs to calm down. Haaaay...I have my Jake and I shouldn't be worrying about Kuya anymore. It's beyond my control now. But as of now, I can't wait for school to be over and swim in Russiane's big sparkling pool, which will be tomorrow. Hehehe! Yup, can't wait! Here are some minor entry changes... I heart you, Jake...:p

i know that i shall meet you on there far awaywater-walking jesustake me away Argh! I fucking hate taking tests! And my actual rebellion took over, threw my books away...and watched Jake on Conan. :p I wasn't able to answer anything much, but I'm sure I'll pass, despite my recent absences. I just got kinda sick, I guess, and thought up to the point where I could say, "Who the fuck cares?" Funny story...I noticed Aaron moping around the room all day...and I need not ask why. A marital status with her boo. He wouldn't tell the cause. Sorry for being mean, but aren't those kind of things should already be far out of his experience. The guy had, like, 8 girlfriends already. Or was that 7? I dunno... Good luck, and hope you get your peace back, dude. Can't really stand to see you sad. Just giving a damn here, I guess. As for me though, I'm still giddy with relief that I got me back. And as I always end my entries...(drumroll) I love you, Jake...:p

there's nothing i won't tryjust to make you mineto get a little closerwould be so divineand everytime i see youyou make me come undonei always watch you near mein you i found the one I apologize my French, ever since I watched Brokeback Mountain and this whole fiasco with Aaron finally done, I suddenly turned...uhm, mellow? I don't know why, but I'm now moving onto this phase of...girliness. Ew. I still have the rockstar in me, of course, but gut instincts tell me that I should be more quiet, I should sit properly, I should laugh less noisily, shoulda woulda coulda. Is this such a bad thing? Because if it is, uhm...great. Now I don't even know what to react. Must be the pressure of turning 18 at June. It's still fucking March. But time flies when you're having fun. If only I'd find ways. Accurse these hot summer nights. And I especially don't want to look so greasy that I could cook a chicken. I wanna go to Bora and ignore this whole Philippine controversy. Eto nanaman tayo. But still, I'm praying, of course. Oh! And Ian is planning to audition in Pinoy Big Brother this summer. He has my full support. I wish he'd go in so I would campaign for him. Campaigning sounds fun! Hehehe! Haaaaay...so glad I got me back again. Inch by inch I'm getting back to my old self. No offense, kuya Aaron...but I'm finally over you. But ahem, him, that guy on top, on the other hand... I love you, Jake...:P

nobody gonna love me betteri must stick with you forevernobody gonna take me higheri must stick with youyou know how to appreciate mei must stick with you, my babynobody ever made me feel this wayi must stick with you God, I am much too lazy to anything. I don't even know what to type. Come to think of it, this week is actually finals week. Damn, ah heyd it. I gotta get off my duff to actually open a book and study. Lots of things to do, so little time to waste. Note to self: 1. STUDY FOR ANATOMY LAB TEST TOMORROW. THIS IS LABELING THE PARTS, BITCH!!! 2. NOT TO MAKE A RESEARCH PAPER AT ENGLISH. TRINIDAD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A REAL GRADE IS EVEN IF IT HIT HER IN THE FACE. 3. WATCH THAT '70S SHOW...WILL SERVE AS AN INSPIRATION FOR THE FOLLOWING WEEKS TO COME. STEVEN HYDE ROCKS!!! I love you, Jake...:p

Yesterday was the best. Prof. Vela assigned everyone into groups to play legendary Filipino epics. There were "Sarsuela", "Florante at Laura (my absolute fave)", "Adlaw at Bulan", "Indarapatra at Sulayman (Joy playing the fairy was kinda nasty)", and "Bidasari". I was in "Urbana and Felisa", where I played the mom. And everyone's theme...pure bad-ass comedy. That's what N-III is all about. Not everyone is likely to be sane all in one day. Hehehe. If N-III had their own A.M.P.A.S., I would be the head. And these would be the list of all possible winners: Best Actor: Aaron Cristobal(Florante at Laura) Best Actress: Jessica Valle (Sarsuela) Best Supporting Actor: Jade Abug (Florante at Laura) Best Supporting Actress: Cathy Rellama (Sarsuela) Best Original Score: Sarsuela (for their mixture of funky oldies and moderns) Best Director: Uhm...I don't think there were any directors. :P Best Picture: Sarsuela (beating fan favorite "Florante at Laura." Hehehehe. Just felt like doing that...they deserve credit for their work. Aaron definitely deserved a rotten tomato for hs acting. The dude was really great. Hehehe. Jokes! Love 'ya kuya...:p And about the rotten tomato thing...I'm being sarcastic. You defintely had my thumbs up.

hanging outdown the streetthe same old thingswe did last weeknot a thing to dobut down to youwoooooh, yeah!hello wisconsin! Congratulations to Brokeback Mountain for winning Best Director, Best Original Score, and Best Adapted Screenplay on Sunday's Oscars. Crash should be flushed down the toilet. Hehehe... Today was like, the most disgusting one in my entire life. I know, I'm studying a medical course. I should know disgusting. But today was really different. Looking through the microscope, scanning some guy's semen for sperm cells. I mean, yuck. Even the mere thought made me wanna throw up. It's pretty strange now, looking at the slide. It looks nasty, it smells nasty...it's just plain nasty! And yet I still don't know what moron would volunteer to jack off. It's natural because they're guys of course. Everything pretty much makes them horny. And now that throbbing pain in my belly I'm feeling right now...having the time of the month really sucks. This dysmenorrhea thingy always makes me go straight home... But do congratulate me now...I've got me back! Yay!

and suddenly there appeared before methe only one my arms could ever holdi heard somebody whisper, please adore meand when i looked my moon had turned to gold Belated Happy Birthday to Kuya Aaron...love ya very much, bro... I wonder what it feels like to be shrinked. In some cases, people never really turn back to their own selves. And in my case, I'm really this close to snapping. I swear, konti na lang... I don't know why. I turned into this absolute schizophrenic. I'm normal when I'm around people, I'm way in over my head when I'm alone. It scares me as hell. I don't know what else to do to let all these emotional trash out. Crying, too lame. Talking, apparently sick of it. Magwala, too expensive. Still, I'm in my chains. Wonder who could unlock them.

LAYOUT: Jake Gyllenhaal MUSIC: Heaven Knows by Orange and Lemons 10 FIRSTS first best friend: forgot his name, actually. first screen name: Damn, I don't remember. first pet name: Iskah. first piercing: Ears. first crush: Please don't let me remember my kindergarten days. first school: Imus Christian Learning Center first house location: Imus, Cavite first kiss: Next question. first car: Ha! I wish! 9 LASTS last time you smoked: Never. (Besides, I'll die.) last food you ate: I ate nothing at all. last car ride: from SM going back home last movie you watched: Brokeback Mountain last phone call: from Russiane. last CD you listened to: Edward's CD. last song you listened to: Kiss From A Rose by Seal 8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS dated a best friend: He's kinda taken. been arrested: No way. been on TV: I wish. eaten sushi: Nope. cheated on your BF/GF: Never had a boyfriend but if I did, I wouldn't. been on a blind date: No, thanks. been out of the country: Nope. been in love: I'm not so sure it was love. 7 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING 1. CSM nursing uniform 2. CSM ID 3. stud watch 4. choker 5. studded black flats 6. undies 7. That's it. Hahaha! 6 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY 1. woke up 2. ate 3. went to class 4. skipped English 5. went to SM 6. surfing the net 5 FAVORITE THINGS 1. my computer 2. my John Cena poster 3. my accessories 4. my digicam 5. my Sylvester pillow 4 PEOPLE YOU TRUST THE MOST 1. Aaron 2. Russiane 3. my mother 4. my sisters 3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE 1. watch a live WWE event (ringside) and see John Cena in person 2. adopt an Ethiopian baby 3. have one of my stories published 2 CHOICES vanilla or chocolate: I dunno. Both. Hahaha! hugs or kisses: Hugs! 1 PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW? God. Might be nice to go on the next life even just for a little while.

i compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gravethe more i get of you the stranger it feels, yeahnow that your rose is in blooma light hits a gloom on the gray Wow. This is the first time having my weekend suck this way. I DIDN'T GET TO GO AT ARANETA. I was already set last Friday, but because of these stupid Edsa rallies going on all over Cubao, my mom thought it was too dangerous and voila! No WWE live event, no Cena, no nothing. I was actually bawling like a little girl. Then I thought...Batista and Orton might come, right? SmackDown won't let RAW take all the fun. Hehehe. The thought put a smile on my face. I can't wait. My mom joined me at CSM's Foundation Day. Funny story...some of my classmates actually thought she was my sister. After these past couple of days, she looked so much younger than me. Only I was cuter. Hehehe. Jokes... So everyone dressed up for our number. Aaron kept making fun of me because I had makeup on, and everyone told me how great I look in my fitted black top, skirt and heels. Girl na girl daw. I never thought that I would be such a mystery for them, that under my punkista style and nursing uniform I would be such a classy dresser. I've been losing a lot of weight like crazy. No one I looked this slim. Someone said that I would snag lots of guys dressing up like that. Mom said a lot of things when he saw Aaron. Said he was cute, good dancer, a really nice person in the eyes even though he looks suplado. I hope he doesn't read this. :p It was flattering, really, telling me how pretty I looked. But I didn't let that get in my head. I didn't want people thinking of me only as a person easy on the eyes. I've got brains, brawn, and whole lots of other things. And then my mom took me to Sitcom and then I actually encountered one of the saddest people in the world--stand-up gay comedians. But they were really funny, even though I don't tolerate green jokes. I'm so effin' hungry and tired right now I could eat a horse.

i keep on fallin'in love with yousometimes i love yousometimes you make me bluesometimes i feel goodat times i feel usedcause when i thinkit makes me so confused Here goes my politic personality again. First things first...I so hate this holiday. Yeah, I know it's part of our Philippine history and it should be valued, blah blah blah, and all that shit...but what's the use for these stupid rallies? We're still in third world, that's what. And because of this, my trip to Araneta probably might be cancelled. Fuck that. People just pick all the wrong days to juust completely screw things up. Not to mention today is CSM's bloody Foundation Day. What a total bore. This afternoon will be N-111 dance number, so I took a break for a while. Will be coming back late at 5. Might as well invite Russiane, right? :p Now to my emotional dramas. It just happened that I did jump to conclusions. I apologize for my bitchy earlier entries. Russiane urged him to call me up last night. Talked for about an hour. Cleared more things up than usual. Then we talked and joked around like we used to. And that's what I really missed so much about him. He's just too levelheaded that I just wanna wring his neck sometimes. As crazy as it looks, I really like this guy. So very much. I liked him because I couldn't stand him. I may have been a bit selfish and stupid and still he forgave me for that. Besides, this whole affair is a lot better than a cold shoulder. I can't stand it if I couldn't talk to him in a day. And since I made lots of sins, I just have to do something to make up for it and ease my guilty conscience. But nothing like love. Not really. I just like him. But for now...just as a friend. Haaaay...it is finished.

you're the only onei'd be with 'til the endwhen i come undoneyou bring me back againback under the starsback into your arms Man...this is just too fucking bleak. Here are the times where I miss Russiane the most. How can I make him believe that they are not the ones that I hate? It seems like everything I say would sound like lies to him now. IT WASN'T FUCKING YOU. God, I'm too tired to let people understand me. I do have lots of faults, and I'm willing to apologize. The only mistake I made was not telling and being stupid enough to fall for their enemy tactics. But hey, I am only human. I finally decided to just call it quits. If he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I'd be happy to show him my stone cold side. Heck, I have been like that before I met him. It would be just too easy to do. If he wasn't mad at me at all and I just happened to skip to conclusions, all's well that ends well. The love that I used to feel for him now turned into a love that I feel for him as a friend. Then I'd be doing everyone a favor. It's such a good thing that I'll be watching WWE at Araneta this coming Saturday. It'll just feel good to forget my problems for a while. Like I said, I love myself more now. Spilling too many tears on these kinds of things would just be a complete waste of my time. I just exaggerated yesterday. My eyes were full of tears...but I didn't cry. Shook it off, that's what I did. And congratulate me too--I have Orange and Lemons' "Heaven Knows" playing in my background right now for my sitDiary. Yay! Suits my Brokeback Mountain layout really well. Mission finally accomplished! And for my finale...I heart my WWE.

friends are friends i looked at themnothing more and nothing lessfamiliar things you say and doseems so strange it's not like you Why, why, why is it that I'm always so fucking jinxed during emo month? It's like a curse that will never be broken. Things weren't the same anymore. I so fucking hate February. You have no idea how much. It's just like living with monkeys and misunderstanding each other. What pisses me off now is when people are having a problem with me. What pisses me off more is not telling it to me and then I end up hearing it from another person's mouth. It wasn't you I was trying to hit in the three persons that I hate. Trust me, I know a lot of idiots I'd want to kill. IT WASN'T YOU. Now, what I hated was you not telling me. You know how I like being stood up, and I know you don't like hurting me. But that's just the way life goes. The truth always hurts. But right now I'm just a woman possessed with absolute incurable rage. Maybe that's why I liked you in the first place. I couldn't stand you. I fall for guys that I can't stand. I know I'm becoming a bitch, but that's because I'm letting myself be a bitch. It just won't stop. I know I can get over this, but it's not that easy for my part to just control myself just like that. It always wouldn't be easy. It's a good thing that I still manage to calm myself down. Like I still see, you are still just too fucking hard to read. I have no idea if you're mad at me or what. You've been ignoring me for the past two days and it's driving me absolutely insane. It's like you're doing everything in your power to get off my way. And it's because of me not shutting up. If I hadn't tried to set things right, none of this shit would've happened. If I hadn't fallen for their enemy tactics, I wouldn't have said anything to you. And if I had admitted my feelings for you in the first place, you wouldn't be taken away from me and I wouldn't be this whole emotional wreck. For some reason, I'm so already aching to make up even though I couldn't come near to you anymore. But the way things are heading, it's like you're making it clear to me that you don't need me anymore. You already have her anyways. And I don't wanna serve as your little burden to your life. Well, fine then. If that's your plan, forget you. Two can play that game. ...... ...... ...... Oh, damn Jesus motherfucking Christ...I can't believe that I'm crying. Again. Hurt me once, hurt me twice...it felt like you hurt me a million times. I feel definitely worse than a coke problem.

so don't treat me like a puppet on a stringcause i know i have to do my thingdon't talk to me as if you think i'm dumbi wanna know when you're gonna come soon Yeah, I know. Talk about a silly obsession of male queerness. I kinda made it from scratch. I hope no one interjects me. School sucked today. I don't know why I even came. Nothing but a bunch of practices for the big day at Friday. Pfft. Do I look like I'm holding my breath? Sure, maybe I have gotten over my little drama which has been occuring for the past few weeks, but everyday situations turning into routines suddenly underwent a psywar on me. Yes, you heard me right. I'm now undergoing a psychological warfare. I've finally gotten to the point where I don't know what I'm going to do or what I'll do next. And there are also these times where I wish I won't wake up in the morning. Like why do I even bother, right? It's always the same anyway. I really can't take this anymore. I wish I knew how to quit. And right now I'm only this close to snapping.

i don't care what they sayi don't care what they docause tonight i'll leave my fears behindcause tonight i'll be right at your sidelie down right next to melie down right next to meand i will never let gowill never let go To quote Paris and Nicole...That's hot. Lovestruck losers everywhere...this movie is definitely for you. Yeah, I know. Some fetish. I kinda have this thing for hot guys making out. Hot guys only. But at least this one has a story. Not to mention the actors. Heath Ledger is cute, but too serious and suplado looking guys turn me off. Jake Gyllenhaal, however...is my new crush. :p As of my current drama...lemme update. Enough of this punishment. It's good not crying about it. That would be a bad idea. Hold your head high and move on. Shake it off, goddamnit. I do love him, I still love him, I will always love him...but FU--I love myself more. ...and I love my John and my Jake most.

there are times when i'm lying in my bedhug my pillow and cry from this tip againand my eyes are like windshields on a rainy dayalmost rubbed down, swelling, as i keep ondipping my face in these cold hands of mineheaven knows how bitter i am You know what I especially hate myself for? I can put on such a tough front, that's what. But deep inside I'm just like origami, easily folding under pressure. I crack easily. I told him everything. Everything I knew about her foolish antics. And he still wanted to continue their relationship as if nothing had gone wrong. She can just trick me and trick me, he said. Bahala na si Batman. Bullshit... Look, I am not someone trying to break them up. I'm not a homewrecker. I just wanted to do what I think is right. But now it's more like I'm fed up. I'm just so sick of everything right now. I warned me and warned me so many times now. But I couldn't just help myself. He's gotten further under my skin than I realized. I couldn't shut him out from my life that easily. People warned me and warned me and told me to just stop. They tell me I should just let fate do everything. They tell me I will only end up getting myself hurt. Well, guess what? I did get myself hurt. Everyday was like I'm drowning and not giving a damn about it. It's like all I wanted to do was to just trash out everything else, magwala nang magwala, like a bat out of hell. I want to trash out everything for being so stupid, for forcing myself to be this monster that I am right now. I just couldn't seem to stop. My fate sucks and reality just fucking bites. I wanted to stop. I really do. But the one who got away will obviously never come back and will only be bathed in the throes of lies and jaded deception. Unless a miracle happens and things turned out differently. But I already feel like my hope was shut off like a light. I am better off alone. I just have to accept this cruel fate of mine and be done with it, no matter how much it really hurts. Humans are such terrible messes. I probably would be the worse one. If only my hypertension would just take it's course so all of this will just be over... It's not about looking for someone to love me anymore. I can't waste my time on anymore kalandian. It's about looking for someone to suck out all the poison in my life right now.

do you have the timeto listen to me whineabout nothing and everything all at oncei am one of thosemelodramatic foolsneurotic to the boneno doubt about it When I say breathless, I meant it literally. I'm suffering from hypertension. At 17. I'm not really sure, but the symptoms show. Funny, isn't it? I'm still pretty young and I'm thinking like a 40-year-old. It's like everytime I breathe a hand is crushing my windpipe. And chest pains occur, too. When I last measured my BP, it was about a 140/110. The way things are heading, a nervous breakdown might be possible. I was thinking of that last morning. But this little cheesemax seemed too good to pass up. And it made me so sadistically happy. Let me just put it simply, there are only 3 kinds of persons that I simply loathe in my life: the fakes, the swellheaded, and most especially...the users. I'm only a simple person with one simple social rule: Be nice to me and I'll be nice to you. Expect me to suddenly treat you like you're just thin air if you played with me. I really tried from the start to accept. And found out I really couldn't. And when I found this out, it seems like all I want to do is to completely erase you from my sight. I have to give you credit, though...you're acting was really impressive. Definitely up for a Golden Globe. It's just too bad that the person around you hangs on your every action, every breath, every word, everything that you do. So crazy about you and you play him like a toy. And then speculations stirred up within me. I didn't hold back any longer and then I took a wild guess. It was true all along. I'm warning you, one word from my mouth and it will be the end of your ranbows and sunshines. If I wasn't this sick, I would've beaten you to a pulp right now. Then I decided not to because standing you up would be like intimidating an ant. You're not worth fighting for because you're nothing but a worthless piece of scum. You think the whole world revolves around your big head but you don't even know you're just a fucking patsy. I swear you will get yours someday. You're messing with fire. Don't think that your completely huge stature will scare me. Taking only a couple of cheap shots will not make me cry. If you do hurt someone, though...I might just go blind and my 1st person will take over me: The 1st person is always my super darkest side. I can't wait to see you Now please tell me: am I really that ugly to bbe envied by you?

i'm miserable because it's always the samealways around in circleslike you're getting used to being a spinning bottleand you're already forgetting my questions It is official. I'm suffering from high blood pressure. But I wasn't really that surprised. Typical for a person like me. Never finding any ways to gash out emotions. Just used to keeping it to herself. Fate really does strange things to me nowadays. And now it's picking out all the wrong days for it to mess with me. I am depressed again. And now I'd rather not say why. I've had enough of people worrying over me. Because they don't understand. They won't understand. They can't understand. People around me annoy me so much. Let me just count them so I could just talk about them more: Person#1: Blinded with his emotions for Person#2. Not really seeing the true colors of the person. Person#2: Getting swellheaded because of Person#1's love. Person#3: Spending a peso for some cheap Valentine dedication to be read in the entire DCCS gym for me. And so on and so forth...the list goes on... Lola left this morning. I sure will miss her. And she only added up to the emptiness that I'm already feeling. I just wish that right now a car would just hit me to end this misery. Anything but this life. And the word acceptance is already meaningless to me.