a whole year June 12,2004 - June 12,2005 congrats.

I think I'm done with this diary for a while. xbleedxblackx

I thought I would come back to write, maybe the last entry that I will write in here. I don't know. I can't leave this diary, maybe it's because I had this diary when I had the best year of my life. On June 12, 2005, I will have had this diary for a whole year. Do you ever just read old entries? Like your friends, your's, whoevers? You just read them, from maybe almost a year ago, and you see how much that person has changed. Who they used to love, and how they used to act. I was doing that today, and I started crying, because I almost forgot how wonderful August through December was. I miss it, and now everything is just horrible. I have summer school, a stupid pre-algebra class that I don't even need to be taking because I just fucked up on the ISTEP. I had a B+ in Math all year, and that was when I wasn't trying. But anyways, I'm doing fine in pre-algebra. But I guess it's okay no, not really since we get a credit and such. But it really just makes the day bad. I have to wake up around 6ish and I usually can't get to sleep till around 3, so there's only around 3 hours of sleep, so by the time I get home, I go to sleep, and I miss out on the whole day. I'm really sad now that I read some of the old entries. Everything used to be perfect and I never really realized that till now. I feel like I could have tried to make things better, even though I tried my hardest. I just wish I could have been better. It's been alittle bit over a month, and I'm still not over this. I'm talking to a friend right now, and I think he's mad at me, I don't know. It just really seems like it. bye darksecretlove

my sort of girlfriend I can't get over that. I knew I wasn't good enough.

Today was good. Greg came over, we went to Blockbuster and got Texas Chainsaw Massacre. To be truthful, I don't know in my opinion if the movie sucked or not, because I didn't pay attention to it. But, anyways, Greg was over, and then Jasmine called, it was very shocking since she said she would leave me alone, so I guess I'm a liar, because she called when she said she'd leave me alone. God I'm so horrible! Aren't I? Okay, I did not lie. It's not my fault that she said in a note that she'd leave me alone a note you read and then she calls, it's not my fault. I'm so...I don't know. I can't help that someone likes me. I don't get why you're so upset about it, you know that I love you, you know that I'm Gregsexual, and will remain Gregsexual forever&foralways, you know that I don't like her like that. I haven't even done anything with her. To be real, I think I should be the one who's upset&worried&jealous, you're the one who kisses these people who like you. Maybe you should see what you're like with just someone likeing me, and then look at you being me, and me being the one who has all these girls/boys likeing me, and me just making out with them, and telling them I'll marry them. What goes around, comes around baby.

Today is my year anniversary for sitDiary, one year ago, I made my first sitDiary. On April 24, 2004 at 12:04 A.M. Amazing. It was weird, I didn't look at the anniversary list or anything, I just went to my old diary and clicked User Info, and yeah, there it was. If it weren't for Courtny, I probably wouldn't know about this website. I probably wouldn't have some of the friends I have now, because I wouldn't have read that one entry and gotten so mad to start talking to that one person about it. Anyways, I'm sick. Someone make me feel betta =( I finished my homework, well, my spanish homework...I kindof can't do my English, because...well...I forgot my book at school, so yeah. But the thing is, I finished the important homework. I so want to get out of Spanish. More than anything, even if I do have a 104.14% in her class, it's so...ugh. She gives us way too much homework. She's just jealous Oh gawd, I should have put that as one of my answers. just jealous cause we're young and in love. I don't want to be sick! This fucking sucks... Ugh...oh well.

maybe you could come to me, i'm always here to care&tolove to be plan b anything you need I'm here, indeed love, Alexandria N. Samberg Nobody seems to know that I'm always here, I'm always here to care, To talk to, to anything. Nobody notices how much I care for them. Maybe I don't show it too well. Or maybe I don't give good advise so they don't bother to talk to me because I'd just say to them what they don't want to hear. I don't know. Maybe they never noticed. [Edit:] I have done some thinking, and it's all because of Health which has made me realize some of the things that I have said are not true, because when I said them, I wasn't thinking things through. False things that I have said: -I will not die for you -I can live without you -You're not the only one who makes me happy The truth: -I will live for you -I can live without you, but it wont be a good life -You're the person who makes me happiest -You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen -You're the sweetest guy I have ever met -You make me smile with not even trying -You have changed me in many ways, and every single way you have changed me, is a good change -You have made me a better person -I will love you forever&foralways -I could never love someone as much as I love you, in this way that I love you -You're the only person I'd be able to make out in the grass with and be compterable -You're the only one, if I can choose, it's only you ♥ There's so much more, but I'm not going to lsit all of it I had to get that out. I don't want to be part of the addicting love. I don't want to be over-obsessive. I don't want to be a stalker I don't want to die I don't want to be suicidal

Finally some change, it seems that everything is just reversed though. Oh well, I like it. I didn't get any comments on my last entry...it made me feel sad. I never get comments. People always coplain about how they never get comments, yet they get like 7 comments each entry. I only get like maybe 1, 2, and on a good day 3. I'm so un-popular. Oh well, I guess I don't care. I don't know. I don't really have anything interesting that I say that people could respond back to in a comment, so I guess it's alright. I want a mint. The background picture I made is repeting, and it's making me sad. I keep trying to make it perfect, and it keeps messing up. I wish it wouldn't, but okay, oh well. School was okay today. I have nothing to really say. I came home, and went to sleep. I feel wornoutish. Like eh. You know? It sucks. I don't remember if I have homework or not. I think I might have a Spanish worksheet&a Socail Studies worksheet. I think that's it. We're in the LGI for Science so it's like a free sleep class along with Math. We wont have Math homework for a couple of days so AWESOME! teehee. Oh wow. 'teehee' Lunch is boring after Tara leaves. I don't know why. It just sucks. She's always the one who brings life to our boring 8th-grade hallway/lunch/classes. Hmph.

Oh my it finally let me login! I'm worried about her. She never tells me what upsets her, but she'll go ahead and tell someone else. I always tell her what's wrong with me. Always. You have my glass-like heart. Please don't break it. I trust you. But how can I when you don't even tell me what's wrong with you? You wont read this. My light in the computer room burnt out. So it's really dark in here. It sucks. I'm so lazy. I could just go downstairs and get another light balb... My Hello Kitty Lamp in my room broke. It's tragic. If you know me, you know I'm very afraid of the dark. So yeah. This sucks. I have to keep my room light on all night.. I do have a night light, but that's not enough... I'm such a pussy... I miss him so much. HE's only been gone for about 2 hours or so since I've last talken to him. He called me last night/this morning at 3:49 AM That's my new hair cut if you haven't seen it yet.

Jesus alot has happened since that last time that I had wrote, but I'm not going to talk about it all. I don't know. I don't feel like writting. so yeah bye.

These past few days have been great. Yesturday I got my hair cut, god it's so cool, everyone has said they liked it, so I'm really happy about it. I also went to the mall with Catie, Steph, Frankie, Tye, and Ariel, twas fun. I got new shoes. Then I spent the night at Catie's house with Frankie, Patrick, Catie [of course..], and Ariel. It was great. I'm so happy! I love you Gregory Michael Sertic

I try so hard to make this into what we said it would be. I try so hard. And I'll die if it doesn't work, because I've been putting everything I can into making everything right. I'm trying so hard to make it perfect. Please help me. Today was supposed to be the day Gregory and I would have gone to the mall, but since Thursday when we were being "slutty" putting our arms around eachother and such, his mother wont let him. He thinks she'll never let him hang out with me anymore. I wish I could go back in time and never have went to his house. I wish I could have taken it back, or just have not laid on his shoulder like I did. I wish I could have talken to her, I wish I could go back in time to where she drove me home for the first time, and I wish I would have talked and not been so shy, and I wish I could have said Thank you louder so that she could hear me, I wish she could just like me. That's all I want. I want her to like me. I don't want her to call me slutty anymore. Because...well, I'm not. I don't want her to hate me. I don't want her to not let us hang out. Please say everything is going to be better. Tell me that we're perfect like you used to. Just because she said we weren't doesn't mean we aren't. Tell me we'll still be forever, look me into the eyes, and tell me how much you love me. I need you. I wish I wasn't so shy in the beginning. I wish I talked and made out less. I wish you didn't think all I want is sex because that's not true. And I love talking to you, and I wish I could have just not been so shy in the beginning because maybe if I weren't then you wouldn't think all I like is making out. I wish I could have gotten to know you really well over the summer, I wish I could have talked. WHY AM I FUCKING LIKE THIS!? My mom told me I used to be non-shy. She told me I used to be really hyper around people that I met, I wish I could always still have been like that. I wish I made a better first inpression. I wish I wasn't so fucking shy. I want more late night conversations, I want to tell you more stories, I want to talk about the more important things that I have had on my mind for the past few days. I try not to bring them up during the day time, I don't know why. It's so much easier for the to talk at night, maybe it's because I know I can start an important conversation without you having to go. I'm sorry, I'll be better, I swear, please, just, just make her like me. this is all I have, and I don't want to lose it.

[Edit:] Sorry for what this said before, I was just confused, but I don't know. Today was okay It could have been better but oh well I went to a concert with Ariel&Steph It was fun There was three bands I thought the first one was the best There was pretty much a tie between the Second and the third He's mad at me And I know it's my fault for going into his personal things And I'm sorry. He wont forgive me this time...I know it. I hope Greg still calls tonight I doubt it, but it would be great if he did It'd make my whole day I don't know why I keep pressing enter But it's fun I don't feel so swell My ears hurt I can hardly hear I'm really hot Maybe I'm sick I don't know I miss Gregory Everything hurts, I never thought he'd find out. I haven't done it in forever, but still, I never thought he would find out, and I'm really sorry, I truely am, and I know you're not going to forgive me, but I am. It was rude to do, and I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry.

Someone told me once that love is unexplanable, and that is what is so great about it. Now tell me if I'm wrong, but I think love is something that you feel with one person. That one person makes you feel incredible. That one person gives you a special feeling that no one else gives you. The feeling makes you want to be with that one person for the rest of your life. That person makes you feel good about yourself. That one person makes you happy. Am I wrong? [Edit:] Alright I have gotten some comments on this already, but I'm not just talking about loving someone as a friend or family member, I'm talking about being inlove. Can you really be inlove with more than one person? Alright, so that's what I ment, not all the differnt types of love like for friends, family members and such, but as in a relationship, you know? Okay? Okay.

I haven't wrote in a while. It's time for an update. Alright. Monday Was boring. We didn't do anything. Tuesday was boring as well. We had a Science test, a Health test, and that was about it. We don't have homework all week from Spanish&Math though so that's good. Today was alright. It was a half day. It felt so long though. I have no idea why. It was only 3 classes. In Health we just played around. In Spanish it was oh so boring. She just talked the whole time, and we reviewed stuff over time. In English we went over our ISTEP packets. Then we finished watching the movie Tall Tale. After class I talked to O'neal. He's so funny. Then I got axed by Gregory. I think I'll just give up. Gregory, you win the axe war. Hmph. The rest of today has been pretty boring. I haven't really done anything. I took some pictures, I talked on the phone, I slept, I watched tv, I talked to people on AIM, and that was about it. Hmmm... My grandmother reuioned my whole fucking week. Gr, I guess I shouldn't really be mad at her, but I am. And it's so not fair. I just want to be with him, and god damnit! I've been waiting all fucking week to see if she could, and she couldn't, and oh well...I guess...=( Tomorrow is another half day, then Spring Break! Awesome. I hope I can goto Chicago with my mom.

I love my gregy poo. Today was great. This whole weekend was awesome. I have Spanish homework. I hope it's easy. I don't know. This week should be pretty easy two full days and two half days and a day off! Woo hoo! My MOM! and I might goto Chicago together. But I don't know. Every year she asks if I want to go and I saw yes, and we never end up going. I don't know, maybe this year will be differnt? Sure hope so. byes.

its amazing what you'll find when you just open your eyes sometimes love and leave you blind but still you try to cover all the lies and ignore all the signs sometimes love can leave you blind what i thought was a certainty has left me spinning in circles again comparing to the last time that we spoke it seems to me that you're not happy like you used to be to you I'm like a flavor that wouldn't last you took one bite and spat me out real fast and now this mark remains and it will never ever go away and now this mark remains and it will never ever go away and now this mark remains and it will never ever go away

Today was pretty okay. Way better than yesturday. Tomorrow is our last day of gym (or our last day of dressing for a month..? I don't know that's just what the teacher said) so I'm pretty sad. I love gym, and I don't know if Health is going to be as good. The only good thing about Health is going to be seeing the naked pictures of people with STDs and talking about drugs and shit. But I bet the gang stuff is going to be pretty boring. Rawr what a sexy beast. Anyways, Ariel got AIM so we've been talking more, which is cool, since we're not on the same team and all we don't talk much. Gretchen, Laura, and Frankie came to school yesturday. It was cool seeing them for the few min. that we did. Oh my god. When Tara was mad at me (Sunday night) she IMd everyone on my buddy list and told them that I 'fucking hated them' eh. Oh well I guess. I don't think any of them who she told took it seriously. I'm just SO glad he wasn't on that night, or he got a new screen name or whatever. I can't believe she would do that. Seriously if she did that I would have killed her. I didn't know today was St. Patrick's Day till I came to school. The first thing I hear when I walk into the school is 'GREEEEEEN! *points to Alex's shoes*' and I'm like 'what...?' and they're like 'you're wearing green...' and I'm like 'Uh...so?' and they're like 'It's St. Patrick's day..' and I was like 'Then why are we at school?, isn't it a holiday?' I felt stupid when I asked that.. Gosh, I'm so sick of green now. That's all I saw all day was people with Green hair, green faces, green clothes, green marker on there hands. I'm just glad I wear Green chucks everyday. HE SLAPED ME! Oh well, I guess I deserved it... I miss him.. THIS SUCKS!

7 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Greg and I have been going out for 7 months! Awesome! I love you Greg!!!! I'm so lucky. =D

1. First Name: Alexandria 2. Were you named after anyone? I don't think so 3. Do you wish on stars? I used to 4. When did you last cry? Yesturday 5. Do you like your handwriting? Yeah 6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Chicken? Is that a lunch meat? 7. What is your birth date? 1/13/91 8. What is your most embarrassing CD? The Strokes - Is This it 9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? I might, I don't know. 10. Are you a daredevil? Nah 11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yeah 12. Do looks matter? No 13. How do you release anger? I scream or beat myself up. 14. Where is your second home? My mom's house 15. Do you trust others easily? I don't know. 16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies 17. What class in school do think is totally useless? Help/Enrichment 18. Do you have a journal? Yes. 19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I don't know. 20. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Nope 21. Favorite movie? Fast Times At Ridgemont High, I think it always will be.. 25. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Not all the time, sometimes. 26. What's your favorite ice cream? Chocolate chip with Cherries 27. Shoe size? 7.5 28. What are your favorite colors? Pink 29. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I don't know, my height 30. Who do you miss most? Greg or Zane 32. What color pants are you wearing? Jeans - blue 33. What are you listening to right now? Action Action 34. Last thing you ate? Double Choclate Chip Frapachino 35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? White 36. What is the weather like right now? Coldish 37. Last person you talked to on phone? Greg 38. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Hair 40. How are you today? Weak 41. Favorite Drink? I don't know anymore...I think Chocolate milk... 42. Favorite sport? Right now...Vollyball, but that might change... 43. Hair color? RedishBrownishBlondish 44. Eye color? BrownishGreenish 45. Do you wear contacts? I need to get it.. 46. Favorite month? August 48. Last movie you watched? X-men 2 49. Favorite day of the year? August 15 2004 50. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings 51. Summer or winter? Winter 52. Hugs or kisses? Both. 53. Relationships or one night stands? Relationships. 54. What is your favorite dessert? Erm...Ice cream? 58. Are you married or do you want to get married? I want to get married to Gregory Michael Sertic 59. Do you have any kids or do you want to have kids? I might, I don't know. 60. What books are you reading? None, I'm not much of a reader. 61. What's on your mouse pad? I don't have one. 62. Favorite Games? Kinky sex games? I don't know. 63. What did you watch on tv last night? X-men 64. Favorite smells? Cinamin 65. What is the first thing you think when you wake up? SHOWA THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME 01 - Being alone 02 - Tara 03 - The dark THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND 01 -Me 02 -School 03 -...I don't know. THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW 01 -Thursday hoodie 02 -Taking Back Sunday shirt 03 -Blue jeans with a huge hole in them. THREE THINGS ON MY DESK 01 -my camera 02 -my phone. 03 -my web cam THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE 01 -to get married 02 -to play guitar like Jade Puget =D 03 -to feel like the sexiest person alive THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU 01 -I have a wort on my middle finger 02 -I have wide feet 03 -I need to have anger managment before I shoot everyone I fucking know. THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST 01 -Omigawd 02 -Omifrikengawd 03 -I love you THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO 01 -New York 02 -New Jersy 03 -Chicago THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY 01 -Alex 02 -White quiet girl 03 -Greg's girlfriend THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE OR HAD [aim??] 01 - DarkSekretLovex3 02 - Over Exposurex3 03 - AndWeAreForever got this from Alex