I don't know why it just hit me right now. Three wasted years, standing still As you opened up, 18 miles wide On this country drive I can't keep up 'cause you're so far gone And it's all too much hindsight Three wasted years, wasting time As the hunger pains grow inside it made me realize that I've wasted the last three years of my life feeling sorry for myself and just getting caught up in my emotions. I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be, and I am over all much more happy. I do stupid things like crying because I can't see him. But it hit me. I should be overjoyous that he loves me-that he once loved me. I should be grateful for the times we had, and etc. I feel like I should live today. and by living I mean running around, spinning in circles.. all the foolish things they do in the movies. ______________ I found an envelope in the mail today with my name on it. I immediately recognized my grandfather's handwriting. On the back of the envelope was a smiley face sticker. I opened the envelope and there was a check for $100 and a letter. The letter said "Sara, School will be starting soon and this will help on buying something for school. Papa loves you. Love, Papa". I am grateful, but this is just surprising to me, and so out of place. I feel bad when relatives send me money but I realize that they do it because they want to. He said to buy something for school, but I can't let myself buy anything materialistic. I'll put it in my savings for Europe. I think that's something he'd like me to do.