I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE I don't know where my life is going now. Same thing every day I dont know what is what and who is who I'm soo scared about where i'm going to be down the road.. I wish i was a kid no worries no worries So life? what is it thats what i wonder thats what i wonder thats what i wonder about i wonder about life life life life life life i needed to get some things off my chest every day same day same old day same old day over and over I have to get this out Give me empathy I don't know I DON'T know but honestly my past makes me sad my future makes me worried and now, now I am just content I guess alive and well more so alive than well MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC music thats all i can think about without going crazy but even music makes me a bit crazy certain music triggers memories memories = past past = sadness so what did i accomplish in this post nothing but I wonder about wondering about wondering I wonder whats left to wonder too many thoughts for such a weak mind WHERE IS LOVE NOW??

just might write in here later

so I havn't written in here in about a week.. I don't really remember what I'v been doing.. I'll try though.. Ok so saturday.. I went over to luccis around 1:30 and then we picked up moe and bob and someone else and went back to luccis and I didn't smoke weed the whole day.. but somehow i ended up spending 25 bucks ? so anyway chilled there for awhile.. then JO and Amanda came.. and then joe and gappy came.. and then moe brought me home.. then i just sat around all night.. then sunday i made some money con mi madre.. then i went to the racetrack with her and mi abuela to get those saratoga blankets or whatever.. then i went home and chilled there for a bit and then.. Nate and Bren picked me up and we were on our way to Saratoga Winners to see Finch, A static Lulluby, Rx bandits, and the exits.. so anyway rolled 5 nice J's on the way.. haha what else is new.. so we got there and we waiting outside for a little bit and Rx bandits started playing so we got in and caught like their last song.. then we went outside and smoked 3 of the j's and some guy wanted to match with us.. but we just had those so we couldnt and then when we got down to the roaches we put them in his bowl and smoked that.. then we went inside and watched a static lulluby .. and they were allright.. i dont really know any of their songs though.. but anyway then the exits were playing next and nate wanted to smoke but i was like i wana see if their good first.. so we listened to them and they were awesome.. so we like run outside and are about to spark the other 2 j's when a guy that works there yelled at 2 other guys.. so we went up to him and asked them what they got yelled at for and i guess drinking or something.. so then the guy was like do you have any papers? we're like naa and he pulled out a nice bag of some good dro.. so hes like if you guys smoke me up ill give you a nug.. so of course we do.. and get a nice nug.. so then we just go back in and listen to the rest of the exits.. mad chill..then we just waited around and shit for finch to start.. and this one girl comes up to me and nate and is fucking blasted and is just like.. "ARE YOU READY TO TEAR THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN" and she was acting like she knew me and shit it was funny though.. and then i didnt see here for a few songs and then i saw her agian and she acted like we used to be mad good friends and we just met up agian.. haha.. so anyway finch was pretty sick.. although their new album.. ehh i'm not feeling it too much.. but anyway i was sweaty as hell.. some gross shit.. so anyway left there and then went and got mcdonalds.. yeahh.. then we dropped nate off at his house and he left the nug .. muahaha.. so i took that home and refrained from smoking it.. so then i just went home and went to sleep cause i was beatttt... so monday.. i sat around most of the day and then i went to luccis house a little bit later bit nobody else had bud to throw down only me.. soo it was just me, bob, lucci, JO, ozug, and pete just sitting around so then my mom brought me and bob to my house and we hung out there for a bit and then went down to middle school and smoked that nug of dro.. that was some pretty good shit.. props to whoever the kids name was that gave it to us.. So now we're at tuesday? ok well i sat around my hosue for a good while.. then lucci, JO, and sam came and picked me up and we drove and got a phillie and then we parked somewhere and smoked an L.. then we went back to lucciland and jut, and nick were making food and moe was upstairs or something .. so we just chilled there for a bit and ate and stuff.. then they all got in one car and me, Jo, and sam took her car and we got some dutches.. then we rolled up at vets.. then we went and smoked in the price chopper parking lot.. haha. so then we dropped of JO.. and then went back up to luccis.. then same brought me home and i just chilled and whatever.. so then wednesday.. I picked up chris around 2 or something like that.. we went up to luccis but nobody was there so we went down to the southside and on the way i almost crashed the car.. i was going into a turn and i was going like 40 or something and i didnt feel like stopping so i just turned going at that speed and i slid across the road onto the grass and was about a foot from a roadsign.. that would have sucked balls if i hit it.. then i swerved out of the way of it and went across the road and then steadied out.. then we talked to mex for a minute.. then we went to lynch and met up with some kids and scored some bud.. went back up to my house and rolled an l and smoked on my porch. then chris went home and i dont even know what happened the rest of the day.. So then thursday.. picked up wren agian and we drove up to luccis but he was there this time but we woke him up so he was still laying in bed.. then sheridan and nick called so i went and picked them up and went back to luccis and then me and wren went to barkly because there was supposedly people playing basketball there but there wasnt anyone there.. or so we thought.. so then we went back over to my side of the river and were up by my house and he calls mex and mex is at barkly.. so i drive back over there.. then a little bit later lucci, moe, nick, and sheridan come and everyone except me nick and lucci played basketball .. so me nick and lucci go up to his aunts work and he gets money from her and she gives us a pizza and a 2 liter of pepsi.. haha.. then we go back to the courts and they all leave and me and chris go back to our houses.. then a little bit later bob comes over and we play some thug.. then we went down to chris' and nikki is there and adan and billy come too.. ohh and nate..then chris gets a bag on the front.. then we get "dexter's lab" and chill at the 4 diamonds.. then they all bounce and me and bob go up to my house.. then we walk to mcdonalds get some food and then we go to fastrack and get honey buns and lolipops and jolly ranchers.. then we call chris back up and him and nate come back to the 4 diamonds and we use dexters lab aagian and then i go home and just chilled there and fell asleep.. then today i was in trouble or something so i have just been sitting around all day doing nothing... mad boringggg

so it's been quite some time sence i'v written in here. Quite awhile if you will. I noticed nobody uses these anymore including myself and i forgot about it until just now. I don't even know what made me remember. But this is all my past all who I was and what I didn't know. If anybody reads this leave me a message. I figure everybody has a sweet myspace these days so they just use those, but this was trendy back in the day too.. haha. You know lately, i'v just been doing good in school, chillen with people, and of course, music, the first priority in my life. I feel like I could write so much right now, so much about what's been going on. But what's the point? Although I do wish I had some memories written down to look back on them and have a good laugh. But, at the same time I'm glad that I don't have some memories written down here, because they would tear me up. But I guess each entry tells a little storie, although it was of a past and I'm not sure if it was better or worse. Right now I'm thinking worse because of certain things that make it seem gruesome. But I have also changed alot since then so maybe I just wouldn't handle those situation in such an extreme way. But life has just been bleek and absolete lately. It's ok though, because life is what you make of it. I don't know I wonder about too much man, it's just i think about everything and I consider things too much I just over analize, you just gota go with the flow and relax. But anyway enough rambling, I don't know where I will go from here. Maybe another brilliant, uplifting, poetic entry is on the way.. hahah.. You've got a lure I can't deny.

I do have some stuff I want to write about but now is not the time.. i sort of miss writing in here seeing as iv just spent the last half hour reading about my past.. maybe i just try to hard to live in my past.. The more i think about it, the more i realize that my life revolves around music and i know now that if my job is not in some kind of music in the future i wont be happy.. and i realize that the time to take action and to aspire to be great and fullfill my goals is now.. and really what are we all except just masses of bones and other tissues? you know what i'm saying? THE TIME IS NOW!!!!!! fucking philosophy shit.. allright i'll try to write in here tomorrow if i remember.. maybe this can help clear my minds of all the ridicules that i face.. all the obstacles and all of the truths i face everyday.. all the realizations i come to and all the nirvanas i strive for... YOU DON'T HAVE TO SLEEP IN ORDER TO DREAM

havn't written in a bit.. school started.. yeah i dunno i think sitdiary is kind of dying if not dead.. some people still use it but its not the same.. i dont know.. mad lazy to update this alot .. but basically its just been going to school.. and chillen.. thats my life for ya.. maybe if something cool happens ill write about it

Havn't written lately but.. nothing really has been going on.. I can't remember for the life of me what has happened lately but I do remember one day.. because it was the best night I had in a long while.. so it was just a regular day of me sitting around doing nothing then I went down to chris' house and chilled there then bob and some kids picked me up and I ate a hallucinogen.. hahahh.. but hallucinate, I did not.. but anyway so I went home and chilled there for a bit then some people called me telling me to go to the 4diamonds.. so as soon as i get outside.. I just start running.. full speed, no idea why. so i get to 4diamonds and that shit is just buggin me out.. yeah so then alyysa and mike picked me and chris up and we went to her house.. and then bren came.. and nikki.. so smoked 3's and just felt awesome the whole time and had a great night... then we went to taco bell and mike forgot to give them money so we go into the drive through and realize that nobody had money so we go in reverse out of the drive through hahah hillarious.. so then i went home and was up for probally 3 hours just thinking about life and everything.. it was fucking rediculous i couldnt sleep i just kept thinking about everything.. that was the only bad part of it.. so yeahy thats about all i remember from what i'v been doing anyway yeah mayube ill write in here more.. if i'm not too busy..

humm so today is uhh saturday.. ill start from thursday.. well ok so i woke up earlyyy like 9 something.. crazy then i just sat around all day waiting and waiting then finally around 6:30 nique and tt came and picked me up and then we got sheridan and drove a couple of hours to poughkeepsi!!!! sooo what were we doing in poughkeepsi? seeing bands play of course.. so first off we got there a little bit late so when we got there 30 seconds to mars was playing.. they were allright.. then next was H2O they were pretty good.. then after that was... THE USED whohoo.. they were amazing.. anyway so yeah just listened to all that music screamed my lungs out and had an awesome fucking time.. then afterwards got out of there and drove around poughkeepsi looking for some stupid bridge for mad long.. haha asking random people where it was at.. then finally we found it and then stopped at a gas station and got some drinks cause we were dyingg.. then we went to a diner..hahah... listened to some sweet tunes on a jukebox thing on our table.. then we were trying to put spoons on our noses.. then we were trying to put then anyother possible place on our face.. good times... then we bounced out of there and drove homeee.. I had a fucking awesome night.. some some awesome bands with some awesome people!! it was glorius.. then i got home and passed outttt... then Friday.. or yesterday however you want to look at it.. lucci same and JO picked me up and we went and smoked an L then we picked up jut and smoked another one.. then i went to chris' to see what he was up to then went to my house and chowed down on some munchies.. then nate came over.. but then had to leave.. then around 7:30 i went to the rams game and just walked around looking for people but i dont know.. then just chilled with everyone that was there.. watched some of the game .. ya know.. then afterwards walked home and went inside for a little bit then chilled outside with my bro and a few of his friends.. then we went to jasons house for a party.. mad people showed up.. smoked a nice fat L of some good shit .. had a few beers.. played some flip cup.. i was feeling good..it was a goood night..then i dunno his mom got mad or something so they started kicking people out.. so we left and i went home and passed out on my couch.. and today i havn't done anything just been sitting around... I'm not fucked, not quite

Right so just to freshen my memory.. Sunday I went to another swim meet but agian wasn't too bad just chilled with everybody. Then lets see.. after that Adrian came over and we went to the 4 diamonds and played some lax and him and chris rolled a couple L's but i retained myself and only took a few hits.. then then went somewheres and i went home cause my parents are lame like that.. so.. wow i cant keep track of days. but ill say monday nate came over and we went down to chris' house and whatever.. then i dont really know what else went on.. tuesday i think i sat around for awhile then went to some more swim shit.. played some football with little kids.. then afterwards... ok so i went over to adrians around 9:30 and I show up and in his chill room is Jut, Ozug, willega, wren, and nikki. then jut smoked an L and me adrian and ozug smoked 3 L's i think and wren nikki and ryan went somewheres.. then they came back and sheridan, lucci, moe, and nick came and we rolled up about a half.. like 10 more L's .. so by then I was fruckkkeddd up.. so yeah I couldnt even sit down and shit i was buggin.. then sheridan, lucci, moe, nick, and jut went to TT's and ozug went home so it was just the rest of us and then greg, and mike A came .. and well i was feeling like shit so i got out of the hot boxed fucking room and went outside of there and was just sitting agianst his wall and i start feeling sick so i hustle outside and throw up outside.. fucked uppp you know.. so im done with that and of course i still feel like shit so i go to adrians bathroom and im just laying on the floor there for a good while.. damn i always end up sleeping on someones bathroom floor.. hhahah.. so anyway im in the there right and "abraham" aka Julio comes in and is asking me all these questions and then i guess they were all in adrians little room and smoking and drinking and shit and adrians mom walked in there.. sooo they kicked everybody out.. so we are waiting outside for mad long and they are waiting to get inside to get a backpack or some shit.. so i have lucci pick me up cause i wanted to see what was going on at TT's so he picks me up and by now its like 1 o clock.. so he tells me everyone is leaving tts.. so we drive up there and pick up moe, nick, sheridan, and jut.. dropped off jut then went and dropped off sheridan and an undercover was following us the whole time so we were bugging out.. but we lost him around the corners .. ha. so then i had nowhere to go since i was planning on crashing at mexicans.. sooo i was fucked so i call up chris and his drunk ass doesnt know whats going on and he's telling me that they are in saratoga going to a strip club or some shit and greg tells me they will be back in a half hour and to wait on his neighbors porch right.. so his neighbor has a couple wooden chairs and a wooden bench out there so i was sitting in the chairs for probally 20 minutes or something and then i lay in the bench and i think i passed out for awhile so probally like an hour later or something i wake up and hear voices coming from gregs and they are all chillen in the camper so i pop up in there and they think im someone else or some shit like that shining a flashlight on me and shit.. so then they are just chillen in there drinking 40's and rum and shit but i didn't even drink really and by then it was like 3:30 or some shit thats the only time i remember and the high wore off.. so nikki, greg, chris, and mike went skinny dipping or something but i didnt want to go because i was fucking freezing so i just chilled in the camper with ryan for awhile and fuckking laid there wrapped in a sleeping bag.. so i dunno the night rolls on and on and then mike leaves and greg goes inside to go to sleep since hes got summer school and shit.. so we are just chillen in the camper for awhile then they think they hear shit so we decide to leave.. and nikki was fucking drunk so i had to drive.. ya know.. so we were going to go to price chopper for some reason i dont know why but i forgot to turn and i turned into the high school so we go out onto the soccer feilds and its just getting light out since its like 5am and we are all running on no sleep but mad hyper.. so we are just running around the field and shit and then we find a soccer ball so we are fucking around with that some.. and then wren is a fucking idiot and kicks down the door to the snack bar.. hahha though funny shit.. so there was nothing even in there so we bounce out of there and i drive down to romayne and park the car in an idea that we were gana sleep cause its now like 6 o clock or suttin around there.. so me and willega were like fuck that and we take a hike to mcdonalds cause we are hungry as fuck.. so i got some hotcakes and he got something.. and then awhile later nikki and chris drive down and chris passes out in the car and nikki ate some food too.. then we go up to chris' house and nikki and ryan pass out in chris' room cause they are tired.. and nobody feels good at this point.. so me and chris are bored so i go to my house and grab the whip and then head back to chris' and he takes out nikkis car and we drive over to mcdonalds.. and get some more food then we ride to my house eat there then we went back out cause he wanted me to follow him somewhere or something.. so i get stuck at a light and then i cant find him so i head home.. then he comes back and picks me up and we go to his house.. and then i go back home grab all my change and shit and then i go back down there and mother fucker is sleeping so i'm like you wana go to price chopper and he doesnt want to so i drive up there, cash in my change, and then went back to chris' and he just wants to sleep now doesnt even want to do anything anymore.. so i have lucci and moe and pete pick me up and we go get a dutch and shit and then we went and picked up jut and then went to luccis, hotboxed, then we went and picked up ozug, and rolled another L then smoked at barkley.. dropped off ozug.. then i went home and did nothing i dont think.. then umm i think that takes me to thursday.. so i sat around for most of the day and then lucci, moe, roman, and amanda picked me up and we went up to luccis.. and then they picked up sherdian and we used the chikita stick, and uhh the "mean green roach killing machine?" since it cant be called "the green goblin" anymore because word is there is already A "Goblin".. so anyway then chilled there then dropped off sheridan, then they dropped me off..then later that night i met up with bob and chilled with him for awhile and smoked some bowls out of the infamous "MICHAEL ANGELO"..haha.. o man.. then Today around 1, lucci, moe, jut, and ozug picked me up and we went to barkley agian and chilled on the picnic tables.. then dropped off ozug, and jut and then we went up to lucciland.. and chilled there for awhile then went down to jons to meet carl.. then back up to luccis.. then woj came over for a bit.. then he bounced.. then opalka came.. then we went and picked up amanda.. then back to luccis and rolled up an L.. then chilled there then i dont know went home around 7 or something... and havn't done nothing since..and that was my week.. sorry for the redundantness and the lack of excitment but thats my life for you.. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

Well let me tell you what I'v been up to.. or what I can remember.. Well Monday uhh I think.. Brandon, Bob, and Moe picked me up and we went to someones house and hung out with these people for awhile.. then left there and drove around and shit and then went to brandons.. ohh yeah we picked up adrian some time before.. so rolled a few L's at luccis.. then went home later and chilled with wren and roman for a bit then went home.. Tuesday?? ohh yeah.. I think I went to Adrians.. yeah.. rode around there for a bit chilled and such then went back to the castle aka adrians house.. ate some food adrian passed out i watched tv .. left later.. and i dont think i did anything else that night.. Wednesday.. Didn't do much.. then Brandon, moe, bob, and gappy picked me up and we rolled a fat L and then drove around and shit.. then we went to KFC.. and bob and moe went to mercatos then gappy and brandon went to mcdonalds.. then i went home and saw chris and nate on the way.. went home grabbed my lacrosse stick.. went back out chilled at the 4 diamonds then went to lynch and played some lax cause there were lights there.. then friday i went to chris' and chilled there then i went to my house with chris and yeah.. then nate came over and my parents came home so we bounced and played some lax at 4 diamonds and then my mom found me and brought me home and i guess they knew we were smoking in my room.. so I got in trouble for smoking... yet agian.. so today i couldnt do anything so sat around all day and thne went to a uber boring swim meet but it wasn't too bad.. then had some subway after.. word..

Soo let me tell all of the none of you that care where I was, where I have been. Well, Friday around 11 in the morning me and my family left for uhh I forgot but it was like 3+ hours away. So you might be wondering, "Why does sombody travel 3 hours?" Well my sisters friends Pete and Sarah were getting married so thats why we went. So got there friday in the evening and just relaxed for the rest of the day in the hotel room. Went to sleep, woke up the next day, checked out, and off to a different hotel. So at 2, went over to the church for the wedding. Aww weddings are so cute. So anyway had all that wedding stuff and then went back to the hotel room. Then everybody had some drinks out by the pool while the Bride, Groom, and all the uhh brides maids and grooms whatever you know what I mean. So then after that went up to the resturante. Awwww it was soooo cute when Sarah and Pete had their first dance together and stuff. Almost wanted to cry :-p. So sat around there for a good while with my family and some other people and had food and stuff. Then as the night wound on and people started getting more and more drinks in them everybody was dancing. So eventually my parents and brother left and went back to the hotel room which was like 100 yards away. So then, you know I started dancing a little bit but I just wasn't feeling it. So my sister Theresas friend, Dr. Dan kept offering to buy me drinks... sooo yeah a double shot of jack and coke, some shots of whiskey, and some beers later, I started getting nasty on the dance floor. And dan kept telling me to try and hook up with all the bitches. So then I met some cool kid Andrew. Ohh, and there was this cute girl that worked there that totally wanted me, haha no not really but I can pretend. So and then me, andrew, and some other girl were dancing with the infamous tree.. haha, dancing to haddaway and other great hits like enrique englesious, and many others.. so I danced and sang the night away.. Then I headed out of there around 12:30 and sat by the lake for a little bit just looking across it at the beautiful city and staring at the magically star lit sky. Then I went back to the room then sat outside for a bit. Then I decided to go back to the resturante to see if anybody was still there. But nobody was but there were some people at the bar. And some guy gave me a beer when I got there. So drank that and then I went back on my way to the room and just sat out by the lake some more just admiring the beauty of mother nature.. you know what I'm saying? Sometimes you just have to appreciate everything around you, because you know sometimes you just take that shit for granted. So went in a while later and fell asleep on the floor. Woke up the next morning and went and had some breakfast. Then we set back out for Amsterdam. Arrived here around 3. Then I went with Adan and Carl but we pretty much just drove around then went to Chris' to see if him and Roman were back yet but they weren't so then I got to enjoy a lovely walk in the rain :-DD. Then went home ate some food and pretty much have just been sitting around since. It's amazing what you'll find when you just open your eyes

well i can't even keep track of the days.. its all the same shit day in and out.. I wish I could have just stayed in Florida for the rest of my summer or hell my life.. nothing i would miss here.. i'm invincible i think.. actually.. I'm amazed that im still alive.. i downed probally like 70 pills within 24 hours and nothing happened.. i just got sort of tired.. i sleep like a few hours a night if that.. lets see i hardly eat and what i do eat is junk food.. iv probally smoked my lungs charcoal.. i dont ever get any exercise just sit around.. therefore.. I'm stupid yet invincible.. Shoot me, I dare you

Ok... sooo yeah not been in a good mood lately.. I havn't been eating much and I havn't gone to bed before the sun came up in who knows how long.. but it happens. Soo yesterday I helped my mother wash her car because I'm such a good son. And then I went to Jons.. Came home slept because my head hurt like hell.. Then I was up till around 6:00 and fell asleep for a few hours. Today. I went and met Adan and then we went to Pats house. Humm that was not a good time. Watched some of the Austin Powers movies. And Hannah still would not talk to me:-/.. but I guess I just have to accept things for what they are. So anyway after a few awkward hours there I went home and havn't done anything since except be 3MO There's nothing here that you'll miss I can guarantee you this

Humm so today is Friday huh? right well.. yesterday was thursday, correct? yes well.. got adan and billy, went to chris', went to brandons, back to chris', to my house, to carls, to the 4 diamonds, to mcdonalds, went home, sat around.. simple enough.. Today. Played music with these kids. Later went with Dan to a show at Redmans.. It was probally the worst show I have ever been to. It's not even that there weren't really any good bands. It was just.. it doesnt matter.. just something that made my night alot worse.. anyway enough about me.. Whats on everybody elses mind?

WEll Monday.. Mowed my lawn and shit.. then went down to Chris' and then went to 4 diamonds and rolled a J but I didnt smoke for once because someone got in my head.. Then tuesday had school and afterwards went to Chris' house and jon, adan, nate, and derek were there.. and once agian I didn't smoke.. damn I'm on a roll.. then we went to the lax game of nisky vs someone else.. yeah but I left because it was hot out.. then some buds called me later asked me if I wanted in on an L and once agian I turned down M.J.. so then wednesday I had school and then I came home and sat around all day I think?.. who knows and once agian turned down smoking.. Thursday .. i didnt do anything except lay around and sleep and then Adrian and Chris came over and we went down to sasafras and went down in those woods and once agian.. turned down an L.. went home did nothing..went to sleep around 2..friday went to school and then after school I went to Chris' and well I folded under preasure.. har har har.. then Aaron came and picked me up and we went to Tims house for a little bit and then I went home and sat around all night and watched starship troopers with myself.. was in a horibble mood.. fell asleep woke up at 3 nothing to do.. stayed up till around 5 ate a bowl of cereal.. then fell asleep for some odd hours.. then whats that make it Saturday right? So saturday sat around for awhile and then DK picked me up and we went to Aarons and christian, brandon, jon, gary and uhh zach? were there and then greg and aaron and alisha got back and we sat around his house for a bit and then we went to Tims to get directions to vorisville and me brandon, greg, and jon chilled in the car with the L.. then we drove to vorisiville for aaron and some other kids going away party.. got there and watched tims band dysfunction for a little bit.. then me brandon, jon and greg went to the car and rolled another L... then as we were smoking this 22 year old girl was like huaushd;auhs can i get in on that i dont want to be a scavanger but i need to smoke.. hahsdha'shd so whatever.. then it was the craziest thing.. you know how sometimes you black out? well i was standing there and i blacked out and you know how you cant see.. well this was fucking crazy.. i honestly could only see bright lights for like 3 minutes.. i thought i was going blind or something it was rediculous.. i couldnt see shit it just looked bright.. it was pretty crazy.. so anyway i chilled in his car for a little bit listening to music.. then went around back to the keg.. and was gana drink but my stomach hurt and i didnt feel like drinking so after like a half glass of beer i was just like ehh fuck this.. then greg stole a half bottle of jack danielles... then we got the fuck out of that boring ass party and went to crossgates.. i just got some food and a drink and stuff.. and fucking stupid ass people .. ahh!!! fucking assholes.. o well .. so then we got out of there and then dropped greg jon and brandon off at phills and then me and aaron drove up to christians were everybody else already was .. and we got there and i played some guitar and drums and shit.. and then i dropped christians epiphone gothic.. :-x kind of broke it a little bit.. sorry about that.. he deserved it though .. anyway so then went to my house and aaron went and picked up amanda and came back and got me and then we went to taco bell and then everyone else met us there.. and joe,christina,kelsey, and nick were at taco bell.. then had some tacos.. and then brittnie, casey, christina were outside waiting for alisha cause they wanted to fight her or something.. but some of the guys formed a human berrecade around her.. so they were there for like a half an hour trying to fight her and shit.. it was pretty stupid.. and all the taco bell people were like i got a bag of Dro for the winner.. and shit and they were like just let them fight and shit.. but alisha didnt want to fight.. so anyway.. after awhile those girls left and alisha and gary left.. and then amanda, brittnie, and dan were in a car about to leave and we were going to soon too.. and i was sitting in the drivers seat and christian was in the passengers seat and aaron and zach were fighting with lightsabers over in the parking lot.. and then like a fuckload of cops pull up.. haha and christian was like hey dan your lucky this door is here otherwise i would come over there and rip your face off.. and the cop was standing right there.. haha.. so he was like what was that christian was like ohh shit the cops are here.. and hes like dude i was just jokking.. then the cop was like what are you doing get out of here! im like ? what .. he kept tellign me that i guess he thought i could drive.. so then the cop goes to christian hes like ok give me and ID hes like i dont have an ID and i dont know he was being wise to the cops it was funny.. they were like how old are you christians like 15 and they were like its 1 o clock we should take you down to the police station right now and call your mom and hes like my moms not home and the cops were just being stupid.. so by now there was probally 4 cop cars there and 1 was a kanine unit.. ok so then a cop is like whose car is this and we're like the kid in the gray shirt and he asks agian and we told him and then another cop like 2 minutes later asks and christians like we told you 20 million times whose car it is and the cop is like well this is the first time i asked so blah blah blah.. then christian said something to a cop and he goes "bro" after and the cop was like i'm not your bro.. im not even close to being your bro.. im so far from it.. haha.. so then the cops are looking around the car and see 3 packs of phillies.. and they are like ohh what are these for? and aaron was like ohh i dont know my friend must have left them in here.. so then they wanted to search the car.. so aaron let them.. so the dog started searching the car.. and then a state trooper pulls up.. so then one of the cop is talking to me christian and zach and hes like you see people dont smoke these what they do is pack it with marijuana and it increases the smoking expeirence.. haha or something like that we're like yeah none of us smoke so.. and at this point the dog was inside the car and I was getting worried because I remembered from earlier when brandon rolled the blunt in the car he dropped little peices of weed on the floor.. so then the dog finishes checking that car.. and then a cop walks up to me christian and zach with his stupid bright ass flashlight and is shining it right on my face nobody else.. looking at me.. and hes like the dog had a hit in the backseat.. i guess that means he found drugs or some shit.. hes like who was sitting in the back passenger seat.. shining the light on me the whole time.. even though there was 3 of us.. so he says it agian who was sitting in the back passenger seat.. and we were just like i dont know we've been sitting in different spots all day.. so yeah the dog finishes searching the car and nothing happened to any of us.. but one of the cops is like do you have a ride home.. we have to tow the car.. we're like ohh shit.. but he was just fucking with us.. so then the 8 million unnecesary cop cars leave and then we get the fuck out of there and pick up chris and ryan and then we go to kennys but we couldnt go there for some stupid reason.. so we just went to nates house and made a fire.. and then chris and ryan went home and then we all just chilled out there pretty much .. then around 4 or 4:30 or something me christian and aaron brought amanda home and Dan and brittnie already left by then.. brought amanda home and then went back and got nate and zach and we were going to go to aarons house because the brewski was suppose to have left.. which is the way it must be because of his hatred for christian.. haha.. so we get there and hes still there along with the goofiest mother fucker in the world his brother lynnord.. hhahahahhahah... holy shit it was awsome.. so by now it was pretty light out so then we went back to nates.. and me and nate went outside and got nasty with the homemade hooka.. pretty cool so then around 5 everyone went to sleep but I'm not one who sleeps much so I was still up doing nothing till around 6.. then i heard these stupid fucking roosters crowing at 6.. god damn whores.. so then i went into nates room and had probally the most uncomfortable nights sleep of my life.. it was terrible.. i was sleeping on the floor/this plastic shit.. and i didnt have a pillow or a blanket or anything and by now it was pretty much light outside.... so i got nasty and woke up around 11:30 or something and of course nobody else was awake so i just chilled with myself for awhile.. then we lit off some fircrackers around 1:30 and then went to aarons and were there for a few minutes then I went home.. and then I went to sleep for a couple of hours and then ate dinner and pretty much just layed around listening to music..so yeah that was my week.. What became of everyone I used to know?

Humm interesting week... Right now its Tuesday morning 8:14am... I didnt sleep last night for whatever reasons... Soo yeah Tuesday- School and then umm I think I did something after school.. i can't remember though.. Wednesday- Last day of school... woot! umm sat around most of the day then I went up to brandons.. and then me and Mex rode up to mobile for a dutch and marbs.. Then we went back to brandons.. then me brandon and mex went and picked up jut.. went back to brandons..Humm it was me, jut, roman, brandon, chris, tim, and luke.. so yeah smoked 3 L's.. felt fine then but then like 10 minutes later i couldnt even stand.. so I went and sat in Brandons grampas car for awhilleeee.. man i felt like shit.. like i was going to throw up.. but i just sat in the car for probally a good hour and a half.. and well what an adventure it was.. I was just thinking the craziest shit.. like back when i first started smoking shit.. yeah... I thought people were talking to me and i was having a conversation with them.. but there was nobody in the car.. and I was just making up crazy things in my head.. and ohh my fuking god.. there was this 1 bug in the car.. and it was so fucking annoying.. but it was dark out right.. so i would hear the bug and it would be annoying as hell and i would swat all around my head and the car and shit and i couldnt find it.. so for like 5 minutes it would just fly around and annoy the fuck out of me.. and then i wouldnt hear it for like a few minutes and then i would agian it was the most annoying thing in the world.. so finally i got up and got out of the car and went into brandons garage where everybody else was.. and i still felt like shit.. so i sat down and then i went up and laid in brandons bed.. couldnt even move.. then i started to get that nauseous feeling in my throat.. so i went into the bathroom and sure enough started throwing up.. talk about a good time.. threw up a few times the most acidic vomit ever.. anyway so i still felt like shit after that.. so i just sit back agianst the bathroom wall and i start to doze off.. and what do you know i can still hear that fucking bug inside of my head.. anyway so im falling asleep and shit so i decide to lay down on the tile floor.. and i fall asleep there for awhile... overall i was in the bathroom for who knows how long.. so then got up and laid on brandons floor and passed out.. the next morning i rode home around 8:30 or something.. stopped at wal*mart on the way home to get some gum and other shit.. then went home and sat around all day.. slept and shit.. then someone came over and we hung out and watched fight club and stuff.. So then where does that bring me.. uhh Friday i suppose... So got up and then went to chris' house and hung out with him and Nate.. chilled up in his attic.. doing the usual.. listened to music and i played super mario.. then went home and sat around and shit.. then Aaron came and picked me up around 9 and we went to Christians house.. Chilled there for a little bit then me and Aaron went and picked up Amanda.. Then went back to Christians and most the people were trashed by then.. So I started on drinking my beers.. and Christian especially was wasted.. He fucking was just running around yelling and shit.. hahaha.. And he kept saying that everything=powned.. he was like Mike BLATCHFORD = POWNED.. BARBARA COYNE=POWNED!!! hahah and with everything else.. so yeah chilled outside by the keg for a few and umm Tyler kept filling up everybodys cups.. you would take like a sip and he would be like here let me top that off for you..haha..then we went inside.. and then christian and nate pretty much just blacked out.. so the night was still young.. so we all just sat in his kitchen drinking having a good time... Then at some hour I went and laid down and eventually I fell asleep.. but while I was still awake I hear Christian yelling and I guess he ran outside in his boxers and was just yelling and running around and shit.. hahah... so then I got a little while later and threw up.. then Aaron, Scott, Zach, and Amanda were the only ones up and having some interesting conversations so I joined them and we all just talked for awhile.. then around 5am went and just laid down with aaron the child molestor.. and me him and zach just talked for awhile then Amanda joined us.. then around 7am Aaron gets a call from Hannah so he must leave.. so me and him take a ride back to Amsterdam and I go home and sleep for a couple of hours and then wake up and just chill and what not.. then around 1pm i go back to sleep till around 4pm and then I was abrubtly woken up to attend a graduation party for one of my brothers friends so I go there eat some cake hang out... then went inside listened to some funny songs, watched some funny videos.. Played some taboo.. got nasty.. then They were watching some porn.. that was funny.. then Starting watching cursed but then went home around 2am.. stayed up till about 3.. So where does that get me.. umm Sunday... yeah so Wake up and then go back to sleep and then I am agian woken by my parents and told we are going out to breakfast for fathers day.. go to that.. then i came home.. then I went and got my haircut :-/ ehh.. o well.. then I mowed the grass and thats about it.. Monday-Awoke around 12.. then went back to sleep till around 2 then just had a lazy day.. weedwacked for a little bit.. then just hung out in my house.. then around 8:30 went and met up with Adan and Benny and smoked an L of AK-47.. humm then went home and just chilled and shit.. then just passed the hours playing video games and listening to music and watching tv.. went outside around 5.. yeah and now its strait up morning and im thinking about going to mcdonalds for some breakfast.. just a thought though Nobody Broke Your Heart If Your Alone, It Must Be You That Wants To Be Apart

Rightt.. sooo uhh its Monday.. so last monday went to school then afterwards me brandon and chris went down to Carls and then it started getting mad windy and shit and tree branches were coming at our heads.. yeah it was crazy then it started raining like a mother fucker.. so we went up to chris' house and hung out in his hot fucking attic.. so yeah then i went home did nothing.. Tuesday- I don't know what I did Wednesday- Yo no say Thursday- I still dont know Friday - School then afterwards I went home.. and then a little bit later I went to Bennys but there was nothing to do there .. so I went home and sat around all night.. Saturday- Got up and around 2 or so I went down to the 4 diamonds and hung out with Nate and Jon for a little then Adan and Anthony agian.. then uhh we chilled you know.. then we tried for mad long to throw rocks at a sign.. Then we went to Bennys and chilled there for a little bit then went into the church and fucking jammed.. mad good.. then we had some cakes in his basement.. mad cakes in there at least like 15 hahahah.. then me and nate went to McDonalds got some food then I went home and then ate some pizza then Hannah just randomly showed up at my house.. so we just hung out watched Napolean Dynomite and stuff..then walked her home around 12.. then came back home .. Was up till like 2 then went to sleep.. Sunday - I just sat around all day didn't do anything.. Just talked on the phone Today - Hannah came over after school and we hung out all day..then she went home and here i am now and its like 10pm If your thoughts should turn to DEATH You gota stomp them out, like a cigarette

Allright.. Soo.. it's summer huh? ok well i'll tell you whats been going on.. well on uhh June 23 I left Amsterdam and went to Florida for 2 weeks.. 14 days.. and came back July 7th.. How was it? Well.. I went there with 220 dollars provided by mis padres and returned with nothing.. well I had to buy food.. Booze.. and drugs.. but thats vacation right.. But honestly. Humm I didn't go outside too much because A. It was raining most of the time.. B. No NEED. Ok so Most of the time I was just smoking. Sad but true. Went swimming at the springs which was pretty nice except for the "cold" water. Also went swimming in some ball bags pool on the 4th of July and ate their food too. So we also had some parties at la Casa.. 4th of July though.. Had a party at the house .. drank like 10 beers and some shots of jager in a small amount of time.. Stood out in the street like a jackass watching fireworks drinking beers. Nothing like that ehh? Yeah anyway so went into the bathroom threw up.. all that good stuff.. was lying on the floor for a little bit and people were annoying the fuck out of me knocking on the door and all i wanted to do was lie there.. so i got up and left the bathroom then went back and threw up some more and laid on the floor for a little bit.. then more annoying people so i just got up went into my brothers room and passed out on his bed.. exciting right? Humm I saw alot of good movies with their cable jump-off.. Had a ton of movie channels so it was alll goooood.. Had some crazy bongs there.. word.. They had a sweet indo board.. IF you don't have one I suggest you invest into one. They are more fun that a barrel of monkeys.. Anyway the best was "The Fort" which consisted of a few felt walls connected together covered by a blanket used for.. well I'll let you use your immagination with that one. Got to listen to SDK (Slow Dance Kings).. But I didn't get to see their show which was probally pretty dope. Humm met some rad people down there.. There were some good memories down in WP.. It's funny though. As I was leaving Amsterdam for the airport I was thinking that I was going to miss Amsterdam and 2 weeks was too long.. But as I was at Orlando airport waiting for my delayed plane I was thinking that I really did not want to come back to Amsterdam. There was nothing here that I wanted to come back to and that I wished I didn't have to come back to Amsterdam at all.. But of course I did come back and I was right.. I hate it here. Not one thing I like here anymore. And it's not even like anything crazy was going on there .. It was, for the most part, alot of the shit I do up here.. but the difference was without all the annoyances of this place.. And I just had more fun with all of the people down there than with my good old "friends" up here.. Everyone just seemed so much nicer and more laid back.. So anyway it was a good time and besides the lack of soberness I actually did learn a good deal about things while I was down there.. And thats not including spanish from a 3 year old. So anyway now that I'm back in the 518 I'v just been doing the usual.. Wandering around this ghost town, destroying my body wtih drugs, swimming, relaxin, Hanging out with.. other people who share general interests i guess you could say.. But maybe I'll write in here more often or something because since i'm just "a scumbag pothead" i dont have a good short term memory.. But anyway .. Who even reads this anymore?

I guess I havn't written in here in a bit.. maybe later

lets see what i remember.. so wednesday went to chris' house after school and nate n and nate w were there already and then brandon came and so did jon and we all just chilled up in his attic for awhile.. then went to the lacrosse game and watched that for awhile.. then thursday went to chris' house after school agian and hung out with chris, roman, and jolly watched half baked.. yeah.. then brandon left and then someone came and picked up me adrian and jolly and we drove to taco bell and then we went to brandons house and he was chillen in mike I's car with carl and jut.. then we all went up to T-time and went to the driving range for a little bit.. then we went back to chris' house and then i just went home and did nothing.. Friday sat around for awhile till about 2 o clock since fuckign AH!!!.. then went somewhere? cant remember where.. humm o well then i went home and sat around all night.. saturday.. jon came over at like 12:30 and then we went down to the lacrosse game and met up with nate.. then we chilled for a bit then went back to the lacrosse game and watched that for awhile and me and nate were hungry so we called up aaron and he came and picked us up and we went to taco bell.. then we picked up brittnie and went back to the game.. chilled there for awhile then i went home and later aaron and dan picked me up and we drove to crossgates and i saw star wars agian.. then went home and my parents wouldnt let me stay out.. so i snuck out at 2am and aaron picked me up and we went to alishas.. me and nantista got pretty drunk.. haha.. then around 5am everyone went home and i went to aarons house and fell asleep.. woke up at 10am the next morning and went home.. and just sat around.. then did a fun reasearch paper.. then at like 8 aaron and amanda came and got me and then we went to nates house and got him and christian and went to aarons where jake and alisha were.. then we had a 24 pack of budweiser.. i only had 1 though because i had to go home because my parents think im irresponsible and dont trust me to do anything.. so then bruce came downstairs and was pissed that we were drinking in his house.. so yeahh he was like get the fuck out of my house.. and yeah and then hannah came to aarons yelling at alisha for money and aaron flipped on her.. then she left.. blah blah blah.. christian was drunk and making bruce mad .. bruce was like get this mother fucker out of my house i dont want him here.. hahah.. so yeah then DK came and everybody went to christians but i had to go home.. and i was in the worst mood ever and felt like killing sombody.. so i just stayed up for a little bit then went to sleep.. woke up today havnt done anything.. You're just a fuck up, she said