well im a lil calmer right now.... todai sucked cuz i got yelled at alot and i hhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaateeee being yelled at like i cant stand it!!i cry almost instantly and i hardly ever cry over anything anymore...todai i cried alot..over a guy..over the yelling...its hard..i think i hate it cuz my dad would yell alot and i got scared a lot around him..i don like yelling at all and i dno its wierd...i talked to stand and he made me feel a lil more..wanted i guess u could say..and i tlaked to sam nd steph and they made me feel better too...nd i talked to kat and she made me feel alot better nd shes right..she said all i need are my gurliez nd shes right..i don need a guy..it would be nice to have one..but i have them and i kno that..i love my gurliez!..im still realli sad about the whole thing..everytime i read his profile er somthin i like practically cry..it still realllllli hurts like ive never felt like that before with someone and now its like my heart was stomped into the ground nd then shot with a rifle or somthing...i wanna write somthng... "pain" sometimes things hurt so bad i dno wat to do nd sometimes i have nothing to lose but what do i do in my times of pain when hurt takes my heart nd strikes its claim i over react and make things worse i cant help that tho..its my own curse other things i could do are too drastic nd im as scared of pain as a deer caught in traffic (??) someone would find out so my mind is clouded with doubt "fear" ...fear over powers my mind... it is the only one of its kind it takes over my soul and keeps me in it holds me back and i cant win i have a boring life because of fear and it has always brought only tears im on my knees and begging you to let me live my life too instead of holding me back and keeping me in i wanna hav fun..but where has my life been?