my neck is real fucked up.our relationship feels like it's dying.she has left me in the dark alot.i did the same but i've told her everything recently.it's dragging me down so bad.we didn't talk very long tonight.it dosn't really bother me.i'm tired.of everything.it's stupid.it almost feels like an affair.i sure wish i had someone else that was special to talk about.i didn't mean that in a bad way but all i've got is her.and i really can't tell people about her with everything being so unstable.i try any ways when people ask though.she mentioned my name on her myspace and it's gone now...it bothered me i don't know why.it pisses me the fuck off that i've learned alot about her from the fucking internet.it shouldn't be that way.theres so much she hides that it bothers me.i'm really getting exauhsted from all this.her relationship with kyle seems dismal.i mean she says what they do and when she looks into his eyes she gets a happy feeling...a happy feeling.i think there connected on more of an emotional level.im going to make some friends tommorrow at the show hopefully.i just miss being her one and only even though i don't feel i totally was.i'm tired of bottling these feelings.i try to explain. half the time i just fuck up.maybe i should move on and then she could be with kyle or whoever.then i can wait for someone that will never live up to veronica and try to put my all into it and just live my life regretting lost love.she's my first true love and i don't want to lose that knowing it could work.that it could still be great with just a little effort.i mean i stll see her all the time.she has so much going on with other men.it's always bothered the fuck out of me.i'm just sitting here waiting for her to getover someone else not knowing if thats what she's doing or wants to do.she doesn't even know if she wants to be with me.she says in the future.so much can happen till then.chances are it would never happen and i think she knows this too.there relationship makes me sick in that 'it hurts my stomach to think about it' sorta way.i'm going insane over this girl.if we got back together i don't even know if it would work.her friends might hate her she said.if your friends know what i mean to you and truly care about you it wouldn't matter who you are with.if it's truly what you want it shouldn't.i know she dosn't know what she wants.it just kills me that she said she dosn't think in the long run things would work with her and kyle.if i get the chance i sure as hell am going to do everythig possible to make sure we do.she's not totally the person i fell in love with anymore.there is still alot that is, just not totally.i hate feeling like i'm in a fucking competition.i shouldn't have to. i sometimes think it would be alot easier if i wasn't in her life.she could talk to all her other friends and do whatever she wants without having to worry about if it bothers me.i can't be single like this much more.i want everything in the world to do with this girl and if she dosn't feel the same way then fuck it.i can't handle holding back this much emotion.i can't suppress it it's too strong.god i miss her so much.i don't think i'll ever have her back entirely.i need her just like everyone else,i just wish,hope she feels the same way.