Well Wednesday was interesting. I went to my business meeting at the Marriott in a $700 suit! That was cool.then we got some “stuff” and smoked a bit.well,it gets better.we got pulled over. i almost had a heart attack. My chest felt like it was going to xplode.in the end they just took our “stuff” and let us go.we are so fucking lucky. (Subject change) Well life sucks as usual. Ive never wanted to have someone to care for so bad.i just need to feel love again. I honestly hate it though. they say love feels so good.which it does, but at the same time it can hurt so bad.im guessing that it’s a male instinct, but I really just want someone to hold and take care of.in the end ijust want someone to care.im so fucking lonley.i know there are people out there that feel the same way and I just want them to know what’s left of this heart goes out to them. i need some alcohol so bad.actually no I don’t that will make it worse. Man fuck no holds bar.i can’t fucking take this anymore.i keep fucking up.im fucking tearing myself up over a fucking girl who cant choose between what she has and what she has got.shes got me but sher has him.i still could never bring myself to making her choose. It’s not my place. Im just so fucking alone. there is just so much people don’t know about my life because im not very open. Few people have any idea what im really like. It’s not bad.here lately I’ve been trying to be myself but being under the influence doesn’t help.i can sum up how I feel in one song “it’s cool we can still be friends”-bright eyes-. When it comes to my loneliness only one song will do “how to fight loneliness”-wilco-. well I have spilled my heart enough for one sitting.till next time…