aka 'recovery diaries, pt...2(?)'
i had a couple decent days going before i tanked again. trying to schedule what will be my 3rd (!) COVID test, in addition to full blood labs & possibly more specialist consults. i haven't slept a full night, or even for more than 1-2 hours at a time, in at least a fortnight, and it seems it's all hitting me at once today.
im also having more COVID symptoms, enough to be worrisome; though it seems like -everything- is a sign of Coronavirus, i have only been tested before due to possible exposure - not so much because i was convinced i had it myself. i am used to having allergies year-round, and autumn always hits me hard where migraines & bronchitis are concerned (though it's still my favourite season); & ive stayed in, kept washed, & masked up, so i felt i was a lower risk.
this time, im not so sure. John's workplace continues to see a spike in daily confirmed cases. Though he's always taken as many precautions as possible & takes this seriously, he is -not- told who tests positive (legal reasons); many employees are of the Trumpian 'masks violate muh freedoms!' opinion & do fuckall to stay safe or promote cleanliness [facepalm]; & management itself is pretty rubbish at getting to sanitation in a timely manner. im living in WI, US, so you can surely imagine the clock ticking for all of us.
if you live outside the US, be grateful.
anyway, im awaiting a call from the doctor to schedule everything i need, and i really hope they'll get back to me *before* the end of the day (it's only gone 1030, and i left my message ~30 min ago, but This is America).
thankfully, John has been amazing through all of this. he really is an absolute gem of a partner; i honestly cannot imagine there are many people like him at all in this world. he is intelligent, sweet, thoughtful, honest, kind, patient, supportive, compassionate, funny, silly, & appreciative - everything a person ideally wants in a partner. i come with lots of baggage, and he is more than happy to help me unpack.
he has quite a lot of baggage himself - but he has handled everything well, & it's made us stronger both individually & as a couple.
i am very fortunate to have him in my life. he makes every day worth living, and he always knows how to make me smile & laugh. ive had to go through so much in my life completely alone, with little (if any) support, & he has more than made up for what i hadn't got before.
he is probably the most honest person ive ever met, too - which was at the top of my list. in fact, the 3rd or 4th day into our relationship, we actually had a conversation about deal-breakers and our expectations for & with each other (we are both 'long-term' types, no flings; hate games; prioritise the truth over everything). we knew from the start exactly where we stood with each other, and we have continued to grow together ever since.
i think when you find someone who has dealt with as much shit from people as you have, it's easier to be on the same page. haha. but we both were able to learn from our experiences in positive ways, & we are both always committed to improving ourselves, so we had a solid foundation from the start.
life is often a very bumpy, very fast ride - but ive learnt how to not only appreciate the good in it, but how to look for & find that good in the first place.
as difficult as the past few years have been, and 2020 in particular, i can honestly say that my 7½ years with John have also been the most fun and genuinely happy. the challenges were some of the worst ive ever encountered, but being able to get through them with John at my side has truly made it all worthwhile.
ive also learnt some of my most valued lessons, including how to be a better person and partner, myself; how to be my own person, & how to share that - rather than impose it - on others; and that life may not be easy, but if you can find someone who is willing to help you 'unpack' your own baggage, and you are truly willing to help them do the same with theirs, you can overcome just about anything. ^_^