fuck

by sk1ppy
fuck. why is this happening? why am i in love with 2 different people. am i being challenged or am i being guided in a new direction that im supposed to go on? is this a kat/jordan endurance test or a chance at a completely new life? why do i like someone else?? i thought love was black and white. i love jordan. i really really do. but right now its out of sight out of mind for me...and jacob is IN sight...but i cant do this to jordan. i cant. which means i lose jacob. which hurts so bad. all of this hurts. when did this happen how did i get here!!?? FUCK
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For some people I know, it would be better for them to cut ties and try some new things. for me, it would be too damaging so I tied tighter and tried to forget about what i didn't have. It still is occasionally painful even now and i haven't even seen this guy in almost 2 years. I really hope you figure out your feelings and stuff because it is a hard and horrible situation. *transcontinental hugs*

Caleb's going to an interview at the US consulate in New Zealand on Wednesday. Hopefully they'll deem him worthy of a student visa and he'll be on his way in about 2 months' time. I'm ridiculously excited. Life is much brighter with Caleb by my side.
I've been there!!! There was this boy, he was so cute and funny and awesome. and I fell for him. we hung out all the time, and I always wanted more, but held back. finally i stopped seeing him and everything went back to awesome. I knew as soon as I saw Caleb again that the infatuation with this other guy was shallow and worthless comparatively. good luck. that situation sucks.