how many days have i cried....5million is an estimate...all a bunch of wacked up bullshit with my life...i never make things right...if only if it was for me i still couldn't make it right...all i say to myself is i do nothing but fail..failure...i'm not sure if i'm wanting to live a life with fights,hate,death,or anything else i cud think of. it was painful when i came out of my room today...becuz first thing i read in the newpaper was death..suicides n anythihg else. how much deaths i read i just felt like reading them. i final started to make a poem today on sumthing..then broke down into just a pile of worthless words.i had a stress ful day sorta in a way...late phone talk with jessie hung up with tears pouring down my face when she hung-up..but i had to let her go n sleep..then after we got off the phone i just had like the worse picture in my mind...i was scared when i closed my eyes..becuz it was a nightmare i had before..i was suck underwater then was falling nostop into like just sum giant hole..so then i took a pill or 2 to cool myself down. stayed up for the rest of the night stairing at the ceiling or my hand...truthfully at a time tears just fell. it was a mind headache full of fright i had. so damn confused....dizzy as hell right now. thats all i can say for now. dame)_)