I'm in the process of trying to figure out why I'm so, so sad... I know that I miss the garden, it's but one of the reasons I'm sad. Although it's not so much that I miss that particuler garden we left behind, it more to do with the fact that I need a garden. Somewhere I can watch things grow, things that can feel proud about. It is meant to be the most beautiful place in someone's home/house. Our garden in the house we live in at the moment is so ugly, it's depressing to be out there for too long... I'm not too sure there is anything I can do to inprove it either. I've decided to make my bedrom my garden for now. I'll have to keep it tidy and uncluttered, plus I'll need more plants... plants = happiness, YAY. The fish tank can be the pond and the hamster... well I'm not sure the hamster can be anything but than what it is (hugs Serenity). I do like looking after animals... I was tidying my room this afternoon and it dawn on me how much I hate (and I mean really hate) mess and clutter... I also hate it when things don't have a place. So Chris, baby, please can't you take your books, CD's and other odd bits and bobs home. I actually couldn't ask you this in person... I dunno why, just couldn't. Oh Chris, thank you for the lovely note ^^ I felt so warm and fuzzy when I read that. Thank you so so much. Also thank you for getting me that werewolf mask... by the way I saw a stag on the way back from poole. It walked (calmly) right in front of the car... the road that we drove down was kinda creepy. Another thing, next time I'm really upset... you know, crying and that... I don't really want to talk about it (never do) can you just hold me and tell me eveything's going to be alright, plus don't make any remarks on anything I say... for example, last time i was upset I said "it's not really something people my age should worry about" you replied "how do you know that?" and you kept repeating it... you make me feel so small, I just wanted to curl up in a black hole and hide from the world then. I was looking for confort and you made me feel worse. Please, I'm begging you, please don't do that again. When I'm hurting, I just want to be held and told that everything is okay... Sometimes I wish for everything to be taken away... perhaps start this life again... I'm so cold... I love you...