To a degree of angle I cannot expect much to gain from this experience. Abandonment defines the cruel force of cutting something/someone away from you and leaving them/it alone. It is a great fear of me because throughout my life, in the end, everyone leaves. I’ll be alone again. Although solitude is familiar to me, its common ground to be fair and I’m used to it, but walking alone isn’t cruelty put upon you… it is freedom. Freedom is something I strive for, though in this case I’m not free yet and I have been waiting for something/someone. What I’m saying/writing doesn’t necessarily need to make any sense at all, it is a wavelength of thought and I’m spilling out my thoughts as they come. I don’t read over what I write and correct it, I won’t go back on myself until I’ve finished. Even then I won’t change it. I love writing like this… the subject of pattern can jump and jump, meaning I could be saying/writing about one thing then the subject matter completely changes. This is stream writing. Abandonment can grant you freedom, the feeling of shredding everything away and beginning again, though you did not choose it, it is happening now. I can’t say I was ready for the abandonment enforced on to me, but I’m strong… it is hard to be strong when there is nothing to support you. Usually your support would be family + friends, but what happens when they disown you? What then? Is there anything? To be fair support can come from random strangers to, those ‘thrown-away’ friends you meet on public transport or in waiting rooms and never ever see again. Disposable friends I find more of a support then your normal friends. You can bleed your heart out to find comfort, and because this person doesn’t really know you and the likeness of seeing again is far and few between it won’t turn around and bite you in the butt later on. I find that you’ll be betrayed by someone you know closely more often than strangers, it is because you are close to them. With everything there will be a downfall sooner of later, it’s certain not a possibility, even with love and friendship, because in the grand scheme of things everything is doomed. Eventually everything will end. Our kin all know they are doomed, but ignore it until it is just around the corner, when it is too late and they realise they’ve wasted their life on fast cars and expensive houses. I hope that I’ll find true freedom before the end and shake away this dire feeling of abandonment.