There are numerous things I want to know, I’m always looking for signs… but nothing. I am now a cause for concern student, this being that I swore in class to some prats that intently trying to upset me, I guess they won. Now I’ve always been told to stand up for myself, but when I do I am the one in the wrong. I love animals and I love this course, but the people are so malicious, why are people so wicked to each other? And they do this out of amusement. I love this quote that was from a CSI episode, “Animals don’t have judgement, animals have needs. Meet the needs and the animal is happy.” I like quoting things; it’s an agreement with what they have said without stealing those words, it also good to pick out things people have said to use as advice. I’m understanding how Callum feels, he told me that he wants for no one, he wants to be alone, completely. Self isolation can be good and bad, but keeping it at a constant is generally not the best of ideas. For a long time I isolated myself, then afterwards I was almost forced into a relationship with someone I didn’t want at the time and now who I hate, after the futile phase ended, I was alone for a month, and then was pulled into another relationship. It sometimes feels like everyone is trying to tear chunks off me. Being in constant relationships for over a year solid is very, very bad. It doesn’t give you time to re-collect yourself and heal, which in turn makes you weaker. I’m sick of being the so-called ‘weakling’, and now I’m slowly growing stronger day by day. Merv is the one I love and I know full well that he does not love me back; it was stupid of me to think that a person such as himself could ever love me. I’m the social outcast for Christ sake, and he’s everyone’s favourite puppy. I know now that’ll never ever work. My love for him is unconditional, I’ll love no matter what and there is nothing he can do or say that’ll make me think otherwise. I also ask nothing of him, nothing more than he’s willing to give. All in all I need to rely on me and myself only. I’ve learnt that in the grand scheme of things no one but no one is able to help or save you, so you shouldn’t ask them to. I know that what I want can never be delivered, but this doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pursuit it, because you never know, but I have learnt that more then often it isn’t going to go my way, and I can expect to be disappointed.