oh snap im wearing spandex pants.. this rocks my socks off! sorry if this makes no sense and if im just rambling on.... well so last night i had a choir concert which sucked horribley.. or at least my choir sucked horribley.. but only because we sing the stupidest songs ever! but through out the whole concert i was sitting in front of these 2 boys.. one of which is like one of my good friends.. and the other one is just a guy that i became friends with through the musical.. but any hoo they both kept poking me and touching me and stuff.. ok guys.. what does that mean? is it a flirty thing or is it just a friendly thing> i dont get it.. anyways and so yeah the concert was over and i was trying to find a ride.. and peter couldnt give me one becuase he didnt have like any gas or something.. whihc made me sad cuz i kinda wanted to do something with him :( but yeah i was talkin to jess and she is absolutley obsessed with this guy, travis... which i must say is awesome! but tahts not the point.. and he is a HUGE flirt.. and he asked us if we wanted to go to the freq.. well mainly me.. and she was just talking to me about how he kind of ignored her and stuff.. well she ended up not going.. and like i hung out with him and his sister.. and had a blast..they are both awesome.. but yeah i htink jess was jealous.. and like i talked to travis about it.. and hes heard it so many times.. and he told me that he feels really bad cuz he doesnt want to hurt anyone.. and thats like the worst thing he could do was hurt someone.. and so he feels really bad.. and like he just told me some stuff about her.. and whatever and reasons why he doesnt like her i guess.. and just a bunch of stuff.. and i feel so bad.. cuz shes my friend.. and i want to be supportive.. but at the same time i feel like i shoudl tell her this stuff.. but yeah he wont talk to her.. and shes to afraid to talk to him so its a HUGE mess/deal and its just stupid.. and idk.. hes really awesome.. and i dont want to sound conceited or anything but like today i found him like just looking at me and stuff or he would just be "playful" and im not saying he was flirting with me.. but he was talking to me more then usual and like being friendlier so yeah that also made me feel bad.. and like when he gave me a ride and stuff like that made me feel guilty since me and jess had JUST got done talking about how her he likes her best friend and how other ppl always flirt with him and whatever.. i must be a horrible friend or something.. oh and yeah.. totally has nothign to do with the subject.. but i found out the other day that jeff has a girlfriend.. and like he has for a while.. and he didnt even tell me.. yeah he doesnt have to tell me his whoel life or anything for that matter.. but at the same time he has this girlfriend hes always telling me how i am the best girl that he has ever met and how i have like everything he wants in a girl and blah blah blah.. and totally made me think that he liked me and stuff... and ahh it just made me sad and like when i had gone to his house for his confirmation he completely flirted with me and he had just started going out with this girl the night before and idk i missed him so much.. and like i didnt realize it until i saw him that day and then like hearing that he had a girlfriend really sucked and i totally just wanted to cry but i was like you know what i need to grow up becuase i never freakin make up my mind.. i hate me soo much.. because i start to like someone and then it seems liek someone else likes me and then i get distracted and i can never make up my mind and so i never have like good relationships.. and thats why i wanted to give up on guys.. but then peter came along and i started to like him and think he was pretty cool and stuff but like tyler my friend that flirts so bad like makes me think he likes me but i have liked him before and it always ends in disappointment.. and thats me being disappointed and so i told myself htat this time i wasn't going to like him.. but its soooo hard.. and ahhh i hate this.. why am i like this?! rarrrrrrr