Well today was a pretty good day. I went to Pearl Vision and got my new glasses and they should be in in about 7-10 days. Since my vision is so buttfucked (so to speak) my lenses alone cost almost $300. But after discount for having TriCare (God bless the ARMy), we only ended up paying $188, so yeah for discounts! Michael and I went to go look at convertable PT Cruisers and the one I want costs about 35Gs...so yeah...that's not gonna happen anytime soon and if I'm dishing out that much money for a vehicle...it's not gonna be a PT Cruiser. There is a classic car shop that restores em and then sales em....they have some nice ass cars for really good prices and they finance...so after I pay off my Malibu I just might end up driving a classic...cause the value on it will only increase and of course there will be some engine modifications to it when I get ahold of it whatever it may be. I found a 1968 Thunderbird that I want...it's really nice and there was also a Buick Century that was baby blue and had orange and yellow flames coming up fromt the front...put it this way, if I was a guy I may have had a mess on my hands when I saw that car. They also had a 68 Conv. Vette...it was metallic blue and oh so pretty....I just wanted one of each. I'm a sucker for classics. I'm a little worried about tomorrow. I go get tested for cervical cancer. Modern medicine is great and I know if it's caught in time that a hysterectomy isn't necessary, but I'm afraid that there will be something wrong and I will have to have one and instead of having a small chance of not being able to have kids...there will be no chance...it's kinda scary when you think about it. And I'm also supposed to start thinking about having kids sooner that I wanted to because as I get older it gets more difficult with all of the scarring that I have, but I don't want to have kids until Michael and I can fully provide for one. And I've finsihed school...I just have to pray that everything will work out. But it's gotten hard for me to pray...I start to and my mind just drifts and I know that God hears whatever I say to him and I don't have to be serious but I jsut feel like when my mind starts drifting I'm not commiting to my time with him like I should be. I've been in Washington for almost three months now and I have yet to even start looking for a church or do any real bible study...I just feel a little bit lost. I guess I'm also a little disheartened because I found out today that I can't start school in the spring quarter because, like always, they won't be able to process my financial aid ap in time...I am so sick of hearing that. But I am going to take a belly dancing class cause it's only $59 and there aren't any books, so I think I can swing that without financial aid. I just pray that everything works out...I wish I wasn't such a worrier. I wish I was one of those carefree people who just took life one day at a time and didn't get stressed out about things...I wish I could...be normal...but who's to say what's normal? I've always been an odd one and a weird one...ask anyone who knows me...and I pride myself on being different, but there are sometimes I just wish I could let go and not be me anymore...and I'm a lot better at it than what I once was, hopefully it will only continue to get better and I can let go...oh well. Oh yeah! I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in about two weeks and it had been a month since the day I joined and I got weighed and measured. Here are my results: I lost half an inch in my boobs, 2 1/2 in my waist, 1/2 in my abdominal region, 2 1/2 from each thigh, I gained 1 in my hips (cause my glutes are getting bigger) and I gained 1/2 an inch in each arm. I also lost 4.5 pounds, 3 of which was body fat and i went down almost 1% in body fat, so needless to say, I was very happy. Well then I came home and I was trying on clothes that I used to look good in and I want to look good in again and I put on a shirt that I used to wear all of the time and of course I didn't think it looked good on me but Michael insisted that it did. I was looking in the mirror and I just got so disgusted with what I saw and everything that I was happy about 15 minutes before that just disappeared and once again I am this person that is crap and no matter what I do, I am not good enough...not pretty enough, not smart enough, not friendly enough, not anything enough...it's like no matter what I do, no matter what I accomplish, that little voice is constantly in my head telling me that it wasn't good enough and I could have done better, should have done better, I'm stupid for settling for what I did...it can always be better...your worthless, you don't mean anything, nobody cares, why even try? Nobody's gonna notice, nobody's gonna care...all you do is fuck up...you don't do anything right...it's all wrong, wrong, wrong. Why can't you do anything right? So much for today being a good day...and once again...it was a good day until I fucked it up by being stupid.