What to say, what to say... there really hasn't been a whole lot to say anymore. One in a sense can only put so much in writing...or in this case typing. I'm very very drained... everything is like slow moving sand. I was sitting at home yesterday drawing, to find that what i thought was 2 hours to be merely a whopping 14 minutes... Sigh but time is a illusion to many. Progress is often redundent in its own cynical iquiries. Time never really seems to stick with me it seems. I never can keep track of it or place anything in the future more than a mere glimmer. Sad but true. Alot of things are happening to my life right now... My mom lost her job... and she has to go down state to find something better. Its a real shitty job market up here... i can't even get out of my crappy job. well at least i have one. So that will leave me up here to take care of my elderly grandfather throughout the week.She will only be able to come up for the weekends. She wants to sell the house in feb and move after i graduate.I dont know what i want... Its not like i can't handle it... i know i can its just i didn't want to have this kind of responsibility at 17... but sometimes we are forced to grow quicker then we can handle.I feel like i'm 30, where did my youth go...? This is only the tip of the ice berg...theres so much pain beneath... I feel my skin tearing inside and out... bleeding at times. My life is turned upside down yet again. But yeah... good ol Ryan keeps that happy persona all the time... i think that little bit of me keeps me sane. Regardless of what is put in front of me, i going to deal with it and continue. Hope is a dangerous thing..decieving in its nature i believe...but in the end its all we have. "Vanish into the echos of a forgotten time..."