Wow... so, when i said i was back, i obviously wasnt very serious now, was I? geez, november 15th was my last entry... now it's april 10th... last day i remember was on november 16th i was sitting in my chair looking at a picture of your mom ad next thing i knew it's april 10th... i need to calm down a bit...

Ladies and gentlemen... Phineus is back... after a long set back at the studio, i am finally here once again, so you all may dry your tears away, then scrape them off of your crusted faces...And as for today's episode... KISS MY ASS PART 2!!!!!

I have a feeling something is about to happen... Something that involves you, and I. Perhaps it's something to do with death... maybe I am to kill you, or the other way around. I have no clue. But no matter what, always remember that I wish you as much pain as possible in the years to come, as long as it's not going to affect me negatively in any way, ok? See y'all later...

If you can see into the future, then you would see that I am not making this next part up: There will come a time when all those who stand before the great wall of China will become gods. They will find that within themselves is the all knowing beauty of the first thing to come to pass this world, and that is this: the only actual and real Pokemon, Godachoo, a.k.a. Jesus. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Jesus. He was the true Pokemon. So, the Pokemon trading card game and video games should be treated as holy relics because they all spawned from God and for this we should thank him... or deny him, depending on how you feel about the Pokemon... Damn, the little bastards talk by saying their own name! How conceded is that? Geez, I can't believe God would send us something sooooo damn annoying... however, perhaps it was a test?

Hmm..... Yes.... Indeed..... How many times have you asked yourself "Why the fuck am I not having my period?" and then later find out it's because boys don't have periods? It happens to me all the time. I just keep forgetting. Damn McDonald's... They're sooooooo unhealthy but damn are they good.... mmmmmm... so, anyone eat a candle lately? yup, i did that today too... seems i just can't get enough o' that candle crisp! Name what show and episode this is from, and you get 5 cool points: "Can't get enough of that sugar crisp!"... good luck!

Sooooo..... what's new y'all? any new and exciting stuff going on? Well? ok? i guess you won't tell me cause you all are a bunch of bitches... kiss my ass then!

WHAT!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!! i fucking hate "Lil' Jon"... he's a fucking shitstain in the back of my tighty whities. i'm pretty sure i know why they call him "little" though... get it? well? do ya? IT'S A PENIS JOKE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! but seriously folks.... i don't wear tighty whities... they hurt my huge package too much... it's just so huge, you know? you know ladies? it just needs alot of room to hang in there because it's so huge... sometimes it givesme back problems... yup... makes my back hurt... cause it's so hard to lift up... mmhmm... sooooooo huge...

I was watching my T.V. one night when they broke in with a special report about some devestating earthquake in Peru. There were 30,000 crushed to death, even more were buried alive, and on the rictor scale it measured 8.2. I said, "God, please answer me one question... Why'd they have to interupt the Simpsons just for this? What a drag 'cause I was taping it and everything and now I'll have to wait for the re-run to see the part of the show I missed." Oh, why does this always happen? Why doese this always happen to me? I was driving down the Highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl. There was a ten car pile up, everybody dead. And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere, including my friend Robert's disembodied head. And I thought, "Poor Rob I just had lunch with him. Hey wait a minute, he still owes me money what a jerk! Well there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again and plus on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late for work!" Oh, why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me? Well the other day my boss said that we were running low on toner, and he asked if i could buy another case. Well I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking, so I turned around and stabbed him in the face! Oh and, wouldn't you know it my knife got stuck! I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then! But, I'm affraid I may have bent the tip a little and now I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again. Not quite as sharp again! Oh tell me! Why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me???

It seems like no matter where i turn to, someone is danceing. it's really annoying. I mean, I like dancing just as much as this guy, but come on people! give it a damn rest! is thatall you do? It seems that all anyone does anymore is fuck! Where's the fucking romance! is true love dead? i for one think not. I for one say that true love does still exist, and it lives deep down inside the black, cold and bitter hearts of everyone of the 29th century. And i think it is indeed time that we show that it is there! i say, we rise up against the machine that is tomarrow, and that we crush those damn Naziistic bastards right where they stand, before they get the chance to slaughter more of those poor helpless and defensless trick-or-treaters! We won't do this for me, oh no. We will do this instead for a brighter, and happier tomarrow! WHO'S WITH ME???

Well folks, I'm back... that vacation was shit. Not only did the place i went to suck, but it wasn't even the rightplace! I definutely took a wrong turn at Albequerky. Also, Santa won't een talk to me now because i missed our meeting because of this crap going on between Pat and Geoffery! Just kiss and make up and quit getting me involved damnit!!! I'm sick of this shit! every day it's the same old same old. Patric: "Geoffery! Give me back my ass massager!" Geoffery: "No, you fat fuck! I'm using it on my Moose testicle collection! You'll get it back in a second dick-weed!" Geez! Get over it pisswhipes!

Mecha Armor 21, GO! Now that things have finally smoothed out in bizzaro world, i think it's time for Ol' Phineus to take a bit of a vacation... where will he go do you ask? he will run away to Jumper City CA. It's a terrible place, but hey, it's a start... after that, i have no clue where i'm going to go. Maybe I'll finally take that long needed trip to the North Pole and finally clear up my differences with Santa Clause. I hate him... I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!!!

Understanding things can be difficult at times... like the human mind, that's a very good example... If you looked at a map of a child's mind, you'd see a map of Neverland. Children are crazy, just like Neverland. I hate children. they are retarted. yes... they are retarted. i do, however, love Ho-Hos... Mmmmm... little chocolate snacks that were made by santa and his gang of hookers on 22nd street in New York City... Amazing... amazing i say... amazing indeed...

Geez... How long has it been? read the fucking dates and you do the math, I'm not holding your hand through this one damnit... Well, I figured that it's been quite a while since I wrote something so I decided I should get crackin', eh? I've been on here everyday just didn't care to write nothin' else... Oh, hey, it's Sept. 11th... huh... I went through the whole day and didn't even realize it... "isn't dat veird?" OK then... I guess I'm done damnit...

You see a long, long time ago, in a magical land far far away called Canada, there lived this man named Susan. He used to go around refilling everyone's toilets for them so that when the Duke of Shit did his morning rounds they wouldn't get thrown in jail, for some reason... anyways, one day the Duke got wise to what Susan was doing and order a spy called Thumbleenah to follow him around. Thumbleenah didn't want to do it at first, but the Duke offered to pay him 10,000 coins worth in shit (which was their currencey at the time) to perform this task so Thumbleenah gallantly accepted. So he went off to find Susan and sure enough when Susan was found he was shtting in someone elses chamber pot. Thumbleenah told the Duke of his wrong doing and the Duke was furious. He immediately summoned Susan to him and they had a chat. In the middle of this discussion, Geoffery the court monkey ran in the room throwing fieces EVERYWHERE! Susan, seeing this as his only escape hid behing a huge pillar of poo until the coast was clear, and escaped to France where the Duke will never find him (because everyone smells like shit there). then, to disguise himself even more, Susan put on a tu-tu and danced in the streets for money. And to this day the Duke still searches for the shit fiend that got away. THE END.

Hey Mr. Jack, Do you have a couple of bucks to spare, Hey Mr. Jack, Do you even think they give a care, Hey where you at??? On the side of the building ready to jump, Why'd you do that??? Cause a police officer touched your rump!!! .... Hmm... I just ruined a perfectly good song, didn't I? for those of you who didn't know, that is NOT how the song goes... but i just felt like... putting it anyways... Poor Mr. Jack... he has such a generic name... however he has a great song modeled after him!!! so it's all good... too bad he's either dead or in jail now... oh well... if you have never heard the real song, then listen to it... you'll then know what i'm talking about... GOOD DAY TO YOU!!!

OK people, this is to clear up the last one... it seems that there are some people who neglected to read the last few lines of the entry before this one, completely missing the point, and completely missing the fucking joke!!! Cookies, it was about fucking cookies. it was not about a person, it was simply about cookies. you would realize it wasn't about a person if you would have just read the last few lines! i thank freakthegeek (nathaniel) because he seems to be the only shit head out there that read the whole thing!!! yes ladies and gents, i'll say it again, cookies... now, i must say another thing, my online journal is NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!! you would know that if you would have read the whole thing of "A little off topic"... and so i say this: if you are going to leave a comment about one of my entries (a side comment is different, if it's not about the entry itself then thats ok) then read the whole fucking thing and don't take it to heart!!! thank you ffor making me ruin the goddamn joke... good night!

Ever get the feeling that you're in love? anyone? well, i now feel it... yes ladies and gentlemen, i have actually fallen in love. The love i dream about every night, the love i wish to be with always, it's amazing, is it not? correct me if i'm wrong, but i feel that love is the most magnificent feeling in the entire world, and nothing can even come close to comparing to it. i love being in love! i realize that this is a weird thing for Ol' Phineus to be writing about, and i'm sorry if it scares some of you, but i have to let it all out. i have to express myself right now, and how in love i am. i feel that there is nothing more important then this love in the universe... this love is the universe, it's what keeps it together, it's what holds it up... if this love ever dies, my universe will cave in, and there will be no point in living anymore, nothingwould ever feel the same and i would be unhappy for the rest of my depressing life... so i hope they don't stop making them... mmmmm.....

Once apon a time i ate a small hamster named Ofreeferoo. When i swallowed him and he went into my stomach, he grew three times the size of an atom... so it didn't really do much... anyways, now everytime i go to bed i have a hard time sleeping because the little hair-monster just keeps on scratching away at me and tickling my insides... THE END

Well, now that i know what freaking blotto means, i can say things... like... umm... jesus titty fucking christ... i have no freaking clue where the hell i'm going with this... uhh... so how is everyone doing out there in the world...? you don't have to answer that, i mean, i probably won't even read it to be honest... if you want to go right ahead, but i could seriously care less... whatever... call me! my number is 1-847-583-9987!!! (i just made that number up, man if someone actually calls that number and a person actually answers it, give 'em a shout out from ol' Phineus, ok?)

Keep talking man, keep talking. All I know is that when i'm out on my own, you're gonna be the one who's gonna want some of these cheerios. they're good for your heart you know. once i find my place in the world, i'm gonna sit back, and kick it with jesus... yeah... kick it with jesus...