jbkejbf its been awhile since i have wrote in this but nothing much is really new besides the point that im trainingg and stuff . volleyball has been amazing im actually going to be soo down when its over and our team has growen so much its incredible the last tournament we came 1st out of 38 teams or something we dominated and i did awesomeee i guess from what parents and people said and blah its just an amazing team i love them sooo much and all our rides and bus trips and clothing choosing haha oh my geee but anyways what else is knewww well gordon thats about it..i really like him..and he knows htat and he likes me and i dont know theres something between us..well you would have to say that considering we talk every single night and all but i dont know we talk about it all the time about dating and stuff and i dont know i just dont have the time..like i do..you have time for everything you really want.but i dont know if its something i want right now..like my friends are a huge part of me.and when you can only hang out with them so much in a week without worrying about other sports and stuff you know somethings wrong and like its hard to even have a full ngiht without conflicts and im just not ready to have that comittment and like his friends are really good friends with mine..and it would be just ackward but hes such a good guy..likee ahh its weird just cause we are oppisite in ways and we have our moments but yet hes just there for me at timess. just the dumb thing that im super bad with.well okay im just going to be blunt..im horrible with guys..i always get attached superr easily and just i dont know sometimes i think i get to know them too well..enough that i start disliking them but im just horrible with guys ahah.but anyways yeah theres tylerr..and well see my birthdays coming up and like all of a sudden he just popped back in..and like tyler is one of those guys in my life i wont let go of for some odd reason..cause to tell you the truth he can be the biggest jerk at times.but yet we still have something..still..and i always get into these conversations with him and like people always tell me. that as soon as i start liking him again he will do one thing and it will just be a cycle.i like him.i dont i do i dont.and its just over and over againnn.and im soooo dumb for falling for that like i need to just start fresh and forget about hima nd its sooo frustrating cause everyy single word that someone tells me about him andwhat he is going to do.is right..its happens all the time and yet.here i am being gullable ..over and over agian.lol..but really i dont care i relaly shouldnt and just stop worrying about it and i tell gordon this..but like..my priorities right now are volleyball,school,friends/family ..and really i dont have much else to worry about..i need to focus on myself and worry about what is coming up and not focus on the past..like right now i need to get my marks up..i need a 50..at the least really i have so much i need to get onto and like at this second i hate to say this but even my volleyball is overtaking my school and i need to get back into the focus that volleyball may not take me as far as i want to..and i need a back up and that is to get my marks moving ..higher and im acutlaly trying now but its frustratingg.cause i work soo hard and then i choke at the smallest test and come out of a fail and i hate it cause then you hear the kids behind you grunt cause they got a 89%and thats not good enough and yet they dont have to work at all for anythinggnsd fskfbgsjdb faced hah but hard work always pays off in the end and i just have to keep digging and digging and the outcome will come soon.. like and its scary ..next year.. i will be commited somewhere to a college/university.. and yet i dont feel ready for that..but yet i have people saying i am ready for that.blah this scares the shit out of me..like aghhhhhhh