blah this weekend= shitt minus the clothing i got but still it was boring and nothing happend no callss no familyy no nothing it was just another rainy,yucky weekendd which all equal too mackenzii with no make up.messy hair.sweat pants and a hoodiee and slippers lol i liked that part but today my dad helped me find some hotels in ferniee bailey and i decided we wanted a weekend away and stuff and see danny and weston and all her friends im actually so excited and hope it all works out cause ive never really done anything really close with her you know and it will just be funn but we looked at hotels and my dad is even thinking about coming to he wants a skiing weekend and i want some good fernieee snowboarding hill.LOL but we saw somee and bailey if you see this before i talk to you get ahold of me FAST lol i have ssome complex ideas.actually not so much but anyways hm i pretty much have no life starting this week..with volleyball 5 friken times a week and add on football and then add on boxing two times a week im just glad i dont have a job or anything i wouldnt have any time i dont know maybe this might be a good thingg.. but anyways saturday i thought about alot of things like just life in general you know laying on my bed no music.no sounds just me and my bear..that talks..it talks really.but anyways.i just thought about friends.family and where im really going with it.like my friends okay highschool.work.sports.boyfriends.thats all i really have to say about that its just i dont know im not going to be seeing them much anymore and im disapointed like this weekend sucked balls.i didnt do one thing and sometimes i wish i had that courage to pick up the phone and call them anytime but i just dont they have someone and i can neverrrr get over this but i hate feeling like im budding in ..and thats how im feeling right now just like i dont know it seems like im just budding into peoples stuff like out of 4 girls..3 of them have boyfriends and at this stage i dont know there getting to the point i think i should back off for a bit..sometimes i think half of there problems are me..cause im around to much like the other night i called one of them to do something and they said they would call me back in about 10-20 mins..it was like hour and half i sat staring at my phone and then finally called there house and they were gone.so i just left it and moved on realizing that this weekend is going to be me and movies..and sometimes i think thats good but absfkjsbdgfjk this is a hard concept but anyways family is shitty right now i never really tell anyone.i just dont feel its nessecary.like some of them just wouldnt understand im going threw something that would seem complicated with them.like i almost wrecked the party the other weekend and it was just cause its my house..and i heardd a mom sayy someything like why dont you hang out at macs house and sometimes i wish i could i wish i could invite people over every day but i know as soon as someone would walk in that door they would notice something and they would notice something else then what people really think of my family and i dont want people seeing that..like my house is a mess.my mom.is i dont know..my dads a work addicc and busy and it frustrates me cause it changes what im like around my friends.im use to being in i dont know but sometimes i guess its hard to be at someones house cause it looks so perfect.there family is so peaceful and they dont understand how lucky they really are sometimes i wish i could tell them but i cant just cause its rude i guess.but maybe im just not realizing this is reality..its not going to be flowers.and butterflies and rainbows and sunshinee...