*rubs his eyes* Those 4 glasses of CocaCola after 9pm were a very bad idea. That medium sized coffee at 11pm the night before was just as bad. We're running on a grand total of 5 hours of sleep for the past two nights. Why did I say "we"? *sigh* I figured I would watch a movie to put me to sleep when I got home last night. No, instead I watched it all the way through. *shakes his head* Dunno why I thougth that would work. So, no more caffene for me for a week, minus my green tea. I need that at least. Besides that, I feel horrible. I vanish from existance for years to my friends, only to have them return when they are moving away a bit, or far away. I've squandered my past years doing nothing, being nothing, gaining nothing (minus a wonderful relationship I have). A friend mentioned that his oppinion is that every person is born with a purpose in mind, something they can achieve and susceed or fail in. Wonder what my purpose is... Did I already find it and complete it? Fail it? Ignore it? Miss it when I was in my coma-like state of the past years? All my hopes rest in completing a degree and getting a different job. I question if that is going to do anything at all. I've felt that a degree will be the answer to what I have been working for. I'm not so sure now. My personal goal is to have a family to take care of, but I feel like I am further from that than I have ever been. It's probably the caffene and lack of sleep, but I feel like there is this gaping, empty hole in my chest at the moment for some reason. I'm so stupid...why do I give people reasons to doubt me or question me when it is the absolute farthest thing from my mind? I'm gonna go work now I guess and try not to pass out on the steel table in the sea of boxes and freight. Wish me luck!