According to my mother, I'm rich. And I suppose that's what my bank account says with the condition of 19 year old college kid. But I can't help but feeling poor. I don't know exactly where all the money came from; for some I work, for some I earned, and some I'm sure got there by accident. I consider it all a gift. And it is with heavy guilt that I spend any of it, except of course on the specific items of its purpose; tuition, room and board, books, groceries. Besides the necesseties, I feel more obligation to hang on to it all, not yet aware of the full comfort of being "financially stable". I want to be exceedingly wealthy one day so that I won't feel guilty for anything and I can lend out extra bedrooms to people in need and have huge feasts during the holidays and big swim parties during the summer and I shall travel all the world. I wish to see and do so much, I think my own dreams overwhelm me. Did all the grown-ups around me once have giant dreams, too? I wonder. Things are unexplainably rough right now. I think that's the way with freshmen year. Some days you feel right on top of things in the hands of education. Other days you feel like the carpet is being pulled out from under you and you can hardly get a hold of anything to stay on your feet. Many people fall. But will they get back up, that is the question. Some days I swear I'm going to change the world. Other days I discover the world is changing me. What to do? About college, about love, about everything? I'm in a tricky spot--not entirely difficult, but no where easy either--am I doing all the right things? For everyone? I hope so.