Lately some pretty incredible things have been happening. What I mean is, my life is quickly turning and reforming its self to put me in the path of a future I never even percieved as an option. I think it's fair to say that I have two families now; mine, and the Millers. After Kris's near slip-up of "answers your future daughter-in-law", and more events of warming, I think it is safe to say that we're family. And all the signs and symbols and everything seem to be in our favor; we can't speak for our selves but always say the thoughts of each other, and laugh how much we are alike. We can't talk of tomorrow without meaning next year and casually discuss how our children should be raised. If this were to end any day now, I think the cause of it would be our death, because I don't think I can live happily without him. I know I can't. He's given me so much to smile about, so much to live for, so much to look forward to. When I look back on my younger mind, fantasizing about the kind of guy I wanted to find, I can say without a stretch of the truth that the only thing Kris doesn't have that I was dreaming about was a rich British accent, but I can do perfectly well without that. : ) Last night was a stepping stone for us, I think. We learned a lot about each other, and perhaps our selves, in a single moment of release, so to speak. Through talking and not talking, something was made clear and established and our eyes were opened a little wider to the realities of life. "We're going to be good." He said, and I nodded. And because he speaks so sincere and honestly, I know he's not just saying things to satisfy me. I know he's not just going along with it to keep me happy. Virgins till graduation, we vowed, and I think we'll make it, if only to prove some self-control and live like lions instead of rabbits and, moreso, to keep some morality within ourselves and hold on to what we've got. Because everyone says, "Once that happens, it changes everything." Right now, we don't need change. I wish I could explain to people what love feels like. Maybe I can, but words are truly too weak for that powerful and almighty emotion. I thought I was in love once--maybe I was scared into that thinking, but I know now that I wasn't, couldn't have been, and wasn't even close to. There was too much fear and swollowed anger to be in love. When you're in love, you hold nothing back. You're never afraid to speak your mind or be blunt, you can take their hand at any time for the pure reason of feeling their fingers around yours. I look at him and smile because I know I see something no one else can. And even if I concentrate and pull myself down and really search him for some kind of fault, as minor as it may be...I find none. For even in his faults I find perfection. He can read me, and I've never had anyone be able to do that before. He can answer me before I even ask the question and even if he's sweating, he'll turn the heat on to heal my goose bumps. I'm 18 years old and one in a billion people to really, truly, know the feeling of love. .Your Former Self.