his death and her disappearance haunt me. and i had hoped ending the use of our strongest bond would make me feel free, but i'm still attached wholly to these constant thoughts of both of you, what's become of her, and if he can see. and your death, which affected me so greatly, which i think about every day, every time i touch the only physical things i have left of you, and i wonder, are you looking out for me? do you still exist? or are you nothingness now. i'd prefer you can see me, that you're watching my life, although my self destruction is all so embarrassing, i wonder if i should be making you proud. or if you just aren't anymore. if you're just gone. what if you're only a memory?