step 1. smear apple butter all over yer asshole firmly, dont be shy. step 2. go find litte kids off the streets and tell them you have candy. step 3. bring them into yer chamber of doom (yer bedroom) step 4. this is where the apple butter comes in handy, use it to use the boy to completely penetrate yer ass and rectum. step 5. now its the boys turn, repeat step 4, only vice versa. step 6. hang yer child out the window. step 7. try not to be hated by all the world. dont forget to tear your certifacate........