I'm not sure if it's that I feel so many things that they're going around and around so fast that I can't pick them out to work on it. Even if i could i'd probably be too tired to do it. I'm constantly pushed to do this and that. I have a paper due,project due,tests due,speeches due,dates due,decisions to do,and all in the meantime I'm suppose to be nice,friendly,cheerful,and act as if nothing in the world is wrong. I have no one but Nathan to tell everything to but I'm afraid that if I tell him, he'll feel as if he is overburdened by me and can find better people at college. I don't feel comfortable telling anyone else because they're either not close enough to me yet or they were and they're pulling apart from me. It sucks....a lot. Independence has always been a thing for me but when I get overburdened by problems and stresses I have to tell someone otherwise I go crazy and stress even more. I feel as if I'm letting others down(which i hate to do) as well as myself but I'm pushing and pushing but it's like pushing on a concrete wall. It doesn't move at ALL. It just stares at me and laughs in my face saying...you can't get by me or around or under. You're stuck...muhahhha. Geez ! Also, I feel practically friendless. I have Krista all the time....that's it. During break we wander around like little losers looking for someone to talk to. I miss having a group to talk to. All the people who are Seniors now seem to me like they are too cool for us now. They're not even around and if we talk to them then they ignore us or push us to the side. They aren't even worthy of the title of FRIEND. I don't want to be a loser Senior next year. I want to have the time of my life with friends but I can't without friends or at least close ones. I try to but it seems as if Krista doesn't want them. I don't know...im sure she does but i don't know. I want people i can have fun with so i don't have to worry about nathan. I miss him so much each day. I miss being able to talk to him everyday face to face. I long for his kiss at the end of each break and at the end of the day. I can hear on the opposite side of the phone each night how much fun he is having at college. He deserves it though....I want him to have fun but just not forget about me ya know??? I worry too much I suppose and worry about what others think of me. Should i??Does it make me any better or stronger??Heck...I dunno. Sometimes I want to say screw it all and just tell dad to pick a job somewhere in another state and we'll go but I can't. I don't want to leave behind the things that I do love and love me too. It's gonna be okay I know but I wish it would hurry and stay that way.....