Well, today, didn't go to my soccer scrimage. I've been lazy. Which is quite terrible. But, I have $200 to go spend or something...I don't know what I want. I do know that I need a lot of kickass cds that I could never buy when they came out cos I didn't have any money. && I also need some paint and other art supplies. I watched like a trillion movies today. Nightmare Before Christmas. Out Cold. The Fifth Element. parts of: Dumb and Dumber, and The Water Boy. A lott of music videos on FUSE. A lot of snowboarding on FUEL. I want winter to be here already. I miss snowboarding. Even though I'm not the greatest at it. Onward to why my mood is confused. 1...) It's cos I don't know what I wanna do with my life right now. Every time I think about what I want to do with my life when I'm older, the thoughts of going to help people in Africa get farther & farther away. It's been my dream forever, but it's slipping out from under me. 2...) I keep feeling as though my friends are lying to me about how they're feeling. I feel as though some of my closest friends dislike me. The other day, I said hi to one of them, across a bunch of people, she looked at me funny like she didn't know me. I guess I embarrassed her or something. Then, I just feel completely ignored by some. There's only one of my friends' that I feel that I'm still maintaining a great friendship, and I haven't seen him for a while. 3A...) Guys. Last and final reason of confusion. I just don't understand it. It meaning my brain & my heart. It's quite weird, but I don't like anybody right now. But, I keep thinking that I do. I keep thinking that I still love Willy. I keep telling myself that, but my heart isn't comrehending that...so, I guess I'm not in love with him. I don't even like him like that anymore. & then, Eric. Well, for him...like Willy, I keep telling myself that I like him. BUT, there's no chance in hell, that he'll like me for me. We barely talk and when we do, I feel quite awkward. && there is still 2 guys that I do like. One's a freshman, and once again, he won't ever like me. And the other is a good friend...and well, :-/ . It's like I really really like him, and I'd like to hang out with him a lot. But he's also friends' with my brother. Like, really good friends. :( . & it's not like he'd like me. He refers to me most the time as his "best friend's sister". Oh, and there's one more...but I'm not his type. He likes blonde hair & blue eyes. I'm brown hair & brown/green/orange/some other funky colour eyes. 3B...) Then finally, some guys right now are just plain fuckin assholes to me... Or they annoy the hell out of me. Sean Bidwell, he treats me like shit...What the fuck did I do to him? Dunno. And the annoy ones...that'd be most of the guys that actually talk to me except like Justin, Kole, Tom, Will, everybody in my guitar class, Rothwell, Frankie, Jeff Sullivan...And there's a possibility that there might be a few others. So, that's life. Isn't it wonDERful!!?