I don't know whats up with me. I don't have any more amigos con derechos. only mario. I feel like I can trust him. I hope I'm right. He doesn't believe me though..he thinks I'm with edgar. I feel so bad for edgar. He really truly loves me so much, but I just don't love him back in that way. I don't know what to do. I feel so bad just laying there with him as he crys. What am I supposed to do? I can't control who I love. Last night got sorta intense. He was telling me how crispin tells him he's stupid for loving me. Crispin says not to talk to me and its impossible for him to be with me cause he is mexican and poor and I'm american and rich and beautiful. the only one he was totally right on was american.. anyway I think crispin just thinks i'm a slut. He knows I was with jorge last year, but he doesn't know I loved him. I think he just thought it was a game. and now crispin knows about mario, too. I don't know. but when edgar walked me to my car, something happened to him. I know he has a problem with his heart..it beats slow or something. He just started holding it and had to stop walking and doubled over. It scared me. I don't know what was wrong with him. I wanted to tell crispin what happened, and tell him that I'm really not a bad person and all. Edgar wouldn't let me talk to him though. Like an hour later, he finally said I could talk to him, so he called him and crispin came out to the car. By then, I was just so unsure of everything. Crispin came out, smiled at me, and said "hey, whats wrong?" and I just looked at him, and he looked so nice and caring, which he is, and i just started to cry. I don't know why. I didn't know what to say to him, what to do, it was horrible. So basically, nothing happened. He probably just thinks i'm mental. I don't want to see him at work today. I know he'll just act like nothing happened and be cool about everything, but still...I feel stupid. and speaking of work, I need to get ready to go, I guess. I'm supposed to go to dave marellas party tonight. I'm hoping that I will be allowed to leave my house. I've been out a few late nights in a row now, and I think my mom wants me to stay home. We'll see though. okay...all done...