now goin in2 tha fifth part of this so called saga ive started ive realized tha "U Think Ur Ready?" thoughts and words juss aint sayin that u aint ready u red wut ive wrote and u aint ready 2 experience who i truly this whole saga is juss me findin my own way 2 sit down and write how i feel bout ppl in general and mayb ive gone in2 sum specifics these entries hav kinda veered off tha whole topic of u aint ready 2 read my private entries and 2 sum extent that holds true ppl still aint ready im my eyes ppl havent shown me that they r able 2 understand me and i say this cuz ppl havent taken me serious idk if they think im playin sum big practical joke idk if they juss aint payin me any attention idk i cant read ppls minds but tha one mind i can read is my own and u kno wut only if my mind cud become a place where ppl cud actually walk thru and see wuts brewin in there only if ppl cud open their eyes wide enuff 2 c tha big picture im writin these deep entries sayin these things not 4 my health well mayb i am cuz i cant b holdin in shit 4eva but tha main reason y me tryin 2 expose myself 2 ppl is i feel that my whole life ive live a duble life so 2 speak ive put on this costume 4 ppl so i wuddnt hav 2 show them tha rugged and painful truth..and soo far til kinda recently (mayb a cuple months ago) its ben under control 2 tha best i can do evry now and then ive let sum seep out but now i feel that i cannot hold it in anymore i cannot and will not anymore but it pisses me off 2 kno that ppl r soo 2 dimensional that 4 me 2 show them a third one it wud juss drop their jaws and hav em diggin in their scalp tryin 2 comprehend wut ive done and sum ppl say im over exaggerating and say juss tell us wtf ur actually hidin and if it were that easy if i cud juss come out and say wtf is goin on in this head and mayb im thickheaded idk mayb im stubborn idk but one i do kno is these thoughts these experiences i hav r definetly not easy 2 say they r definetly not easy 2 understand evn 4 me i sumtimes find myself second guessin myself i find myself askin myself wtf am i actually talkin bout i find myself askin myself tha 5 w's and how..who wut wen where why and how and 2 b honest i never hav a answer 2 all of em i rarely hav answer 4 juss one and fo ppl 2 say juss say wuts on my mind and get it ova wif...i juss smile and sit back and smile cuz ik its harder then that tha answers r more complex then that and i also smile cuz i kno that person will prolly b tha 1st person 2 say huh? and mayb one day ill juss say fuck it and spill da beans...mayb one day and as 4 tha times ive gone in2 specifics bout ppl tha times where it seemed like i was snappin... lemme ask u ppl sumthin shud i die done wif dat shit? huh shud i put dat shit on da low low huh? shud i juss stop it immediately huh? shiiiiiiiiiit who sed id giv a fuck wut u think huh? and ik tha one person whod actually ask me those questions is tha same person who i directed shit at and mayb ive ben harsh mayb ive ben a lil rude but do i hav 2 remind u and evry1 else y those thoughts were kick started huh? i think not but wut i think i shud do is dedicate tha rest of this entry 2 u i think i shud let it b known that tha rest of this entry is dedicated 2 sum1 who's ina way convinced me that i shud dispise her so tha rest of this entry is 4 ya and im doin this cuz i think ya need it mayb it wud open urs eyes juss enuff 4 u 2 c da light so 2 speak juss enuff fo u 2 wake up and smell tha coffee im tryin 2 hav u wake up wif foldgers in ur cup and mayb its a sign that i still care evn after all ive sed so let from this point to tha end of this entry b 2 u my friend -MCF