High school is sooo fuckin' GAY whoever said that it would be fun is such a liar. LOL but yeah my classes are gay and all the people in them are gay too. LOL jk jk but yeah. Ionno..I think I'm just gonna have to get use to it. Blah..

Since I found out I have free three way calling I've been three waying alot of people with Eliz. We call Yeng Nhia and just yesterday Yong. Yong is such a dork butt. Since his cousin was there and I was a bit interested I started asking alot of straight-forward questions, such as: "Are you Ugly?" *They had us on speaker* and such..then I asked what kind of shoes does he wear..because I'm a bit picky like that..lol and he *the cousin* said he wore adidas. *YESSS One point for him!* LOL and Eliz was like "OOh..Emily likes guys who wear adidas" and then out of no where Yong goes "Maybe I should get some adidas" LOL..yeah what did I tell ya? Dork butt. Eliz thinks he likes me..and I'm sure if you just read that you would agree with Eliz..but the thing is that's just the relationship me and Yong have. We mess around like that but we both know its not true and that we're just having fun. Yeah...Yong is such a sweet guy and if him and Heather get together I'm going to be sooo happy for him! He deserve everything he wants. On the other hand...Still no clue where we're moving to. Right now I'm the last to find out anything. Its soo confusing. I'm suppose to call Eliz later..like around 4:30 or so...but not sure if I can..Hopefully the weather holds up and my dad plays tennis for a while. *Sighs* Well I had this dream with Daniel in it again. LOL..But the thing was it wasn't a dream when I tried to change what happened or I was left hurt. It was a happy dream. Like I finally got a puppy *something I always wanted* and I was playing with it and it was licking my face and I was soo happy like a happiness that wasn't fake. It was true happiness..and then I saw Daniel. And this time he saw me too. And he pointed to me and said Hi..and we hugged. He gave me a big ass bear hug. It was soo funny. And I woke up happy. Like the closure I've been looking for this past year has finally come. And its time I moved on and started opening up to other people and not torture myself inside.

I am soooo ready for school right now. Well No I'm not but I'm trying to tell myself that. LOL. Well yeah its soo early and no one is on msn or aim. I need a fuckin life dammit. I finally got to talk to Yong yesterday. I didn't get to talk to him at all for like a whole week. So when I saw him on I was like "You suck" and he was like "Cause I left for a week without saying nothing?" I was just like "No..cause you just do." LOL. But yeah..I miss talking to him but oh well I need my time away from people or else I get really sick and tired of them. LOL. Ok well other than that nothing really new. My grandma came back so now I can actually go out places! WOOHOO..LOL and I got my hair cut. Its like short but not tooo short. Ok well enough. BYE

When I started AsianAvenue I never thought about even being in the Top 25 members..but when that chick was like "I love your page! and Your thoughts! I'm going to go Vote for you!" and that was when I finally decided maybe I do have a chance..I just might. And now..with BIG help from my WONDERFUL cousin KAY I am top THREE! can you FREAKIN' Believe that?? TOP THREE out of like 4,240,252 members! And that is the EXACT number..No I'm not memeber of the week..but its such a honor just being Top Three..and I don't think I will be member of the week because these memebers have such great words to write and such a great influenece on people..and I don't think I do. But if you guys are interested in my page this is the link! Go check it out if you want! http://memeber.asianavenue.com/brokensmiles Ah..this caught my eye and it meant alot to me so I better write it down before I forget.. "I still recall every summer night like it was yesterday the time would never end and my friends were family nothing matter more than the loyalty we had now I'm a world away from everything we shared." So true..

AHHH..I need MORE rollercoasters!! LOL..I (ok my mom) bought a wristband for like 20 bucks and I only went on like 4 rides! WTF? WASTE OF FUCKIN MONEY RIGHT THERE! lol well yeah..URM..nothing new..talking to CHING on msn right now and ELIZ told me that he liked me..again. LOL..I don't know what to do. I mean man..I've acted nothing but a friend to him..and that's all..and maybe he thinks I like him too. I want to confront it and tell him but I was promised not to. YEAH..well..I just hope if I ignore this then it'd go away..plus CHING isn't someone to act on anything. WELL..other than that..ELIZ couldn't go to state fair with me today..GAYNESS...but she said she'll drop by a present for me whenever she can. EH..well I'm getting tired..BYE FOLKS!

For me..I realized..that I push away at great chances..with things and with people. I can't bare the though of getting to know them starting to really care for them and then in the end lose them. Because I always lose in the end. And I can't bare losing someone else who was that important to me. I was chatting YongakaZong this morning..and he's a real cool guy..and real funny. And I'm trying to help him out with his girl problems..like he has any..gees. The guy is just to freakin' scared to call the girl and is always making excuses for not calling her. Which really bugs me..then when we talk my guy issues..he says I need to find a REAL guy like him and then I remind him that he's 17 almost going to be 18. And he knows that..he means someone like him around my age..the thing is every guy that I talk about he goes "Oh he's MTT" "Oh he's not good enough" "Oh...blah blah blah" And like I get so frustrated because he turns down every guy I bring up. Its like 'Why don't YOU go find me a guy who meets all your standards..' and then I realize..Yong isn't the person who should be choosing my boyfriends..I should be choosing my boyfriends and it doesn't matter what Yong thinks..So..yeah. Other than that..Eliz is in town and I'm hoping she can get permission to go to the state fair with us today! But yeah I better go get ready. BYE!

Yesterday was my birthday. Didn't do much 'cept for the basic cake. Basically spent the day on the net. BUt yeah..I got the Maria Mena CD from my aunt and 20 bucks from my uncle in cali. I miss them folks soo much. I hope we move there..I really do. I don't care if their not paying alot of money..but damn I just wanna be with my family again. Is that too much to ask for? Well...I guess so. I know that things will never be the same again...and that people change after 7 years..but still..I want to know those people again. I miss my uncles and cousins. And I miss hanging out at chruch..the things we take for granted...I know that I will difinitly miss Milwaukee when I leave..But I spent my time here and its time I move on. Milwaukee will always be like another home to me..the people I met here were so wonderful to me and so understanding..and soo funny. I'm gonna miss all of them sooooo much..but its time I go back to my first home..Fresno.

OK..So..LOL I think I ruined our chances of moving to Nebraska! WOOHOO..LOL. OK..well I accidently told the lady that my dad was also gonna have another interview at Fresno..so she kinda freaked and now they have an ad out looking for a new cardiologist..and yeah my dad was like "Whatever..if they really wanted me they would've added more money or something." SO..HHAHAA..LOL. OK..people who are reading this are probably thinking I'm such a selfish bitch for doing that..and I swaer I didn't know she was gonna react like that. And plus..you guys need to live a day in my shoes and see how it is..you'll understand why I'm being soo selfish. FOr my whole life I've followed and done everything my parents wanted me to do..and when I looked up to them to get some sense of approval from them..they always shoot me down with insults and how much of an "ungrateful daughter" I am to them. But..I've learned that I need to take care of myself too..and moving to Nebraska would ruin my life. Yes..its high-time I become selfish for once. ANYWHOS..onto another subject..HIGH SCHOOL!! DUDE MAN i am soo fuckin scared..I have the WORST high school ever!! LOL Pulaski..Imma get my ass beat every single day for just being a freshman!!! AHH..but no the thing that really freaks me out is that back in Middle school..we never had all the cliques and groups and shit..we all hung out with each other no matter how different we were..the thing that made us really close was the fact that we were teenagers growing up..and we related and trusted each other soo much. BUT in high school I know there's all those cliques and groups and shit..and that bothers me because I'm so use to hanging out with everyone!! YES..well anything else..WELL..no. BYE FOLKS!

Urm..a little addicted to this song? Yes I am. LOL. Things have been going a bit better. I ended things with Bee..which made me feel soo much better..and his cousins are so nice to me. I was so scared that they would hate me for breaking up with bee but instead they confided in me that they thought I could do so much better. Its no nice to feel loved..you know that? And..I'm going to get torn away from the people who arn't afraid to show me that they love me. Sometimes people need to be reminded that they are cared for and loved. But yeah..Nebraska. GOSH..I really don't want to move there..I swear I will make life miserable for my parents if they move me there..LOL.Well..other than that..I was suppose to go to the mall this staurday with Eliz..but her da didn't want to drive over to milwaukee..so I guess that plan is cancled..plus i was suppose to meet zong there..but not anymore. He's such a sweet guy and he's like an older brother to me! Its so funny kinda..and well vang is actually really nice to me too. I'm so happy they don't hate me!! LOL..ok well enough.

Today I woke up and I felt something not like how I usually feel..I felt sad? urm.No reason to feel that way..I just am. Well..My parents said they loved Nebraska..great. They said if we move there..they're going to enroll me into a cathloic (we're not even cathloic) school and make me go to school on saturdays too..they said they were gonna take me away from everyone I know now..and that I'm going to rebuild my life. Grrreat??? I mean..yes they are my parents and I hate the fact that they have that power over me..But how the hell can they plan out my life? Just because they couldn't do what they wanted..they're living it out on me. My dad and mom have it set in their head that I'm going to be a doctor..just like my dad. No offense..the whole saving lives? I wouldn't be able to handle it. The simple fact that someone's life depended on my moves..jees...But yeah...then again I have no idea what I want to be. People keep telling me I better figure it out soon because as soon as I'm in high school, I should take courses into that career..and I knwo that..but still..I'm having a major mind blockage when it comes to who I want to be when I'm older..How do people deal with this?

Last night Shoua came over and we watched "Inner senses". It wasn't that scary..he also had "the grudge" and "ring 2" but they wouldn't work on our dvd player...then him and jennifer went into my parents room to use the computer and they stayed in there until like 4 in the morning..haha. yeah..well. I was dead asleep last night..I didn't even dream..or did i? haha..oh well. But yeah..asianavenue is getting pretty boring..and I'm not sure what to do with sDiary anymore..

My parents left to Nebraska today..hopefully they hate the place. I seriously don't want to move there. I really want to move to Minnesota..but I doubt it will happen. Madison also gave my dad an offer..Elizabeth says all the guys in Madison know who I am and they all "have the hots" for me. Well..at least the hmong ones. I'm getting tired of moving though. Because of my dad's dream I've had to sacrifice everything..for him. He claims he's trying to give us a better life..a better one than he had..but all I want is to be with my family and with my friends..I'm tired of always making new ones..and I'm tired of always not knowing where or who I'm with. Maybe I should stop being so selfish..but I'm speaking the truth. If my parents gave me the option of moving back to California with my grandparents or cousins I would totally move. I guess when it comes down to it, Clovis California is my true home. I've realized..I frown alot. I mean to people I'm always smiling and "happy" but..I always seem to catch myself frowning inside. Its like.."what the hell is there to smile about?" I haven't heard from Ted for a couple days now. My mom sent the birthday card i got for him yesterday..hopefully he gets it soon. He really made my trip to Minnesota fun, and I miss hanging out with him. Him and his sarcastic ways..and him and his infectious "Come On nOW!" :) I guess when I'm around him I just smile..real smiles. Not fake ones. He really makes me happy and he...he's someone I want to find out more about. I guess some people look for acceptence form others...I just look for love. I mean..I know my closest friends love me..but sometimes I wonder about my parents. I mean..isn't basic knowledge that your parents must love you? and that's what I feel like. My parents feel like the HAVE to love me..just because I'm their daughter. Well..for me I don't seek acceptence..I seek love. And not Love like falling inlove..I mean love like a parents love for their eldest daughter..I mean sometimes people do need to be reminded that they are loved...that they are needed..and that they are appreciated. I know I just sound like a brat just looking for attention..but its the honest truth. So..I'm sitting here..thinking about what else i should write about and I guess what's coming to my head right now is my anger problem. Sometimes..when I get angry..I do things..that are out of my nature. I say horrible things and I do horrible things. I'm so abusive...physically and emotionally towards those around me. I say, write, and do things that hurt them so much...and I enjoy it..There is seriously something wrong with me. I need..help? Here's a picture of Ted (In the gray) and David (In the red)

Its tiring being Asian Club Athletic Director..LOL you have to do EVERYTHING..and I'm not much of a volleyball player either. But now, we've been practicing for DAYS straight, my arms are now permanently red and swollen. LOL but yeah other than that no updates =) Mom is 5 months pregnant and its a boy ♥EM

I use to think that he was a different person inside. That he hid who he really was by being mean and cocky. But I've realized, that it IS him. That is how he is. I gave him so many chances, and he's refused all of them. Maybe I imagined all the things he did to make me think that he does return the feelings. Maybe I read into something too much. I tend to do that you know. I'm sorry that I ever thought you were someone better. Because you're not. You really have no respect nor do you care for anyone else but yourself. I feel sorry for you. Because if you keep this act up, you're going to end up lonely, and I'm going to end up with someone who is really worth all my time and energy. I'm pretty sure you all know who I'm directing that too. Jen, Kay, and Christine all hate the new guy I'm talking to. Maybe they have a reason to. Maybe they are right. This guy reminds me of Vang so much its scary. He says, does, acts in every single way that Vang did. That's a direct sign right there I should walk away before there's another repeat of what happened with Vang. Our past mistakes are only forgiven if we have learned from them. If I continued something with Cheenou, I would be doing exactly what I did with Vang. And I considered everything I did with Vang some of my stupidest mistakes. Its time to end it with Cheenou. ¢¾EM

AHAHA WOW. TALK ABOUT NO ONE CARING EH?? I DON'T GET ANY MORE COMMENTS ON HERE. THANKS GUYS. I MISS YOU TOO. LOL AND WHERE ARE ALLLLLL MY LETTERS DEARS? I SENT ALL YOUR WONDERFUL, WELL THOUGHT OUT, HEARTFELT LETTERS, AND I HAVE NOT RECIEVED A SINGLE REPLY LETTER BACK. THANKS. I LOVE YOU ALL TOO.

Hi all...sorry I haven't been updating on here. I hope you guys got my letters...the one who gave me their addresses. Steven..I wrote you one but i need your WHOLE address lol like the zip code too.. school started..my classes are boring but lunch and break are pretty fun. :) hope you all are enjoying sophmore year. ♥EM

Aw..I love you Elizabeth! Thank you for the braclet. She got it customed with my nick "EMO" on it..LOL I love it. And to people out there ready to pounce on me and tell me I'm not "emo" I am not saying I am..I do not label myself anything. Emo was a nickname given to me by MANY different people, and after time it caught on. Kara nicknamed me "EmoEM" since I can be an overly emotional perosn at times, and my cousin Kay nicknamed me "Emo" since my first name started with an E and the first two letters of my last name starts with MO. :D Ok anyways..when I get the USB cord for my digi I'll load up tons of pics on here so you all can see what's going on in my life. ♥EM

"Don't turn into a Ho Emily.." LMAO. I find it funny how people can think so badly about me when I haven't done SHIT to them. Ah..oh well think what you like but I'm not a Ho nor will I ever be. Please understand that I was hurt by someone who I considered very important to me. I needed to get my mind of Him and move on. And the way I do it, is none of your business. Jarvis is wonderful to me. He's amazingly patient and understandable. He is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and I don't know how I deserve to even be given the chance to talk to this guy. Cheenou is too fuckin' hot to say no to. LOL he's too funny and..hot. lol..I'm not serious about him, he's just a great person to have around when you're bored. So what if he's a bit older? LOL Spyke is just always there...and always trying to convince me to go out to dinner with him. Its nice to feel wanted after you've been rejected. And again...so what if he's a bit older too? lol.. I know you're just concerned..but I know how to take care of myself. I'm capable of making the RIGHT choices, and I know my limites. So, just let me be happy. Ok? ¢¾EM

Ok I need addresses from the following people (PLEASE EMAIL IT TO ORIGINAL_EMS@HOTMAIL.COM): .Andrea (I know you gave it to me, but its in one of my boxes that I haven't unpacked so just make it easier on me hun..lol.) .Kara .Jeff .Nick .Mario .Tabari .Felicia .Steven .Amanda I NEED YOUR ADDRESSES BECAUSE I WROTE YOU ALL LETTERS AND IF YOU WANT THEM, THEN I NEED TO SEND THEM TO YOU! AND PLUSSSS I KNOW SOME OF THE PEOPLE ON THAT LIST DON'T USE SITDIARY SO IF YOU KNOW JEFF, NICK, OR TABARI'S ADDRESSES PLEASE ADD THEM TO YOUR EMAIL TOO.

I swear, Jarvis is the sweetest guy that I have ever met. He's amazing. LOL I got a letter from him on my birthday, and it totally made my day considering my mom pissed me off most of the day. He's such a loser, but I love him. lol (When I say I love him, I'm using it loosely) lol. Last night he called me, and it was so funny because he doesn't really talk on the phone so it was hilarious to see how nervous he was. But yeah, he's a sweetie. Tonight I have to go to Ian's birthday party and get to molest little Elijah. I love that boy to death. I swear..he's so fuckin' adorable I could just kick him. lol. Pictures from Newport Trip: THE END