i feel tha reason 4 me writing anotha one of these is cuz this time around i want ppl 2 read EXACTLY who i am. i want ppl to see me for me i want ppl 2 b able 2 visualize me as i do.. i remember my parents used 2 call me tha miracle child...i neva kne y til i asked them its cuz i almost died wen i was born and cuz of my eyes kinda sad but it makes me think i was always a fighter never willing 2 gracefully bow out and its kinda ironic that i almost died wut if i did tha kid ur bout 2 read bout wudda neva existed...and my eyes two different colors to sum its nuthin new but to me it seperates me from evryone makes me unique but theres alot more that makes me stand out.... im gonna start from tha beginning..wen i was little i was such a rebel didnt quite follow tha rules. always felt that rules were made 2 b broken at least tha one i disagreed wif.. wen i was little i was a fighter neva backed down neva kept my mouf shut never believed in holdin back so i wuddnt hurt sum1 feelings i sed wut i felt and to be honest i fuckin loved it..loved tha fact that there were no hidden secrets i told ppl wut was happenin i sed everythang that was on my mind..wen i was little my knuckles used 2 bleed from tha blows i threw if i didnt like u i made sure that u kne i made sure that it was settle in physical way. i had so many fights wen i was growin up sum soo crazy its unreel how sum1 soo small cud bring such a bang i still got scars from them fights and those same scars remind that i shud neva hav 2 stop bein a fighter and i still am juss not so much ina physical way i use my head now to fight but before i used 2 get jumped and still win tha fight i used 2 take on niggas twice my size 5 yrs older that me all that i used 2 b soo idk full of rage such a rage that was cast upon ppl who got in my way...but as bad as that sounds i sumtimes wish i still were tha same lil kid who used 2 stand up 4 ppl against anyone i still wish i was tha lil boy who stood wif my hands drippin blood bein snatched off sum1 from beatin their ass...i felt as if i were a protector i was soo at peace wif myself evn tho i was always fightin then came my early teens n cuple yrs before them..where i started 2 become like a ladies man lol i was soo caught up chasin gurls tryin 2 hav sex tryin 2 b all this bullshit sum1 who i wasnt...these years were prolly tha most stupid most depressing..but again i loved it all i cant deny tha thangs i did tha lies i told 2 go n do stuff i wasnt supposed 2 tha sneakin out tha so called heart breaks all that shit was fun i cant say i didnt like doin it but sumtimes i wish i cud change one thang i wish i cud change tha fact that i lied 2 my mom soo much i almost lost her faith in me i almost lost it all...tha threats of bein kiked out my house tha threats of bein placed ina foster home those moments of losin my voice from yellin back those days of juss bein nowhere near myself i wish i cud change them...then theres tha days i wish i cud go bac and do sum of tha thangs i did and sumtimes theres tha days where i wanna go bac n relive a day n change things i juss cant help but wonder sumtimes wut life wud b like if i were still wif trisha idk but then i look at tha present and take a deep breathe n inhale tha greatness ive done tha turn around i performed turned from like rockbottom to 4.0's u kno it feels great to kno that i am capable of comin out of nowhere and turn around from fallin off to goin beyond wut i expected and wut evryone expected..ppl had so much doubt in me evn my friends and family and idc wut they say i kno they did and wen ppl hav doubts in me it pisses me off makes me wanna not juss acheive wut they say i cant but go beyond that n more make them second guess my capablilities.. and now onto tha guy u look upon now..who exactly is he today...to be honest i dont think i kno..i think its like a combination of things...i hav tha rebelness from wen i was little i hav tha fighter in me and also i hav tha ladies man mentality a bit and also i think tha guy who ive grown 2 now i think im idk wuts tha word but i think i kinda want challenges 2 b thrown my way i want ppl 2 not believe in me juss so i can sho them that on the outside i may come off ass a positive person i may come as all these things sum1 who seems not 2 b a threat but i want ppl to see that wen pushed i can juss lose it but control myself i can snap in such a way that im goin off but not evn raisin my voice i can b snappin n talk in tha same tone as if i were calm but that doesnt mean that i cant unleash a side of me i hate its juss i choose to hide it cuz i juss hate to waste energy on yellin wen i can get tha same point across i can make ppl feel tha same way as if i were juss tellin u how i feel..and now tha guy ive become i think that wen ppl r in my way i dont immediately plowin thru them i juss jump over em i reely dont hav time 4 ppl who wanna try 2 bring me down cuz u kno wut aint gonna happen i told u i was a fighter im not easliy silenced im not easliy stopped i refused 2..also i feel that drama wise i stay away from it i avoid it side step it...im focused on my life my family friends girlfriend i dont hav time 4 bullshit.. now that ive basically sed who i am i wanna start namin off shit thas on my mind 1st i guess ill start wif tha bad.. Andrea-do i hate u? how do i answer this? it wud b kinda correct 2 say it depends on my mood cuz like if i feelin pissed imma b like yea i cant stand her but if im juss calm ill prolly b like naw i think shes lost i juss think she is juss confused and that 4 me 2 get over this its gonna take time n 4 her 2 realize sum shit but yea lemme juss say all those entries ive rote bout snappin on u am i srry naw i dont think i am i think i am mad not at u but myself cuz idk y i let sumthin like that juss make me soo upset im bigger then that now that i look at it i cudda juss shrugged that shit off but sum days i juss feel like goin 2 ur house n juss let it all out n wut i mean bout it all out is i think that 4 sum reason ur decisions built up such a rage within me that i juss wanna let it all on u make u feel 4 a split second of how it feels 2 carry this but then again i dont reely wanna do that..y? not worth it..juss aint worth gettin soo upset workin up a sweat 4 sumthin that ill get nuthin out of..but dont let those negative feelings overshadow tha fact tha once i cudda sed that u were one of tha greatest ppl in my life and that i had such a bond wif u and tha once u hadda special place in my life and mayb u still and all those years u were rite there wif me bein tha best friend u cud b i thank ya u that u were once such a special person 2 me but mayb one day down tha road we can get past this and hav thangs go bac 2 tha way they were kara-ur prolly one of tha best if the the best friend i hav..we known eachother 4 like our entire life and tha whole 12 yrs ive known u i can only say that u hav made evrday soo much more better and evrtime i was fallin off and fuckin up u were always there always there 2 b a friend always there 2 talk to and listen and juss do all these great thangs i juss wish that i cud live long enuff 2 thank u as much i want to i juss wish that there were enuff words i kne to express tha amount of love i hav 4 ya thanx again elijah-where do i begin? u hav also ben there since k4 wen nap time was tha shit wen house was tha game to place wen tag was played on recess and tha fence was gool u hav ben there since elementary where kids got tha chiken pox and missed like a week of skoo where u glued sentence strips and and were graded 1,2,or 3 uve ben there 4 tha coatroom days u juss always ben there and i gotta say thanks and u mite think that ive helped u alot but u juss bein there all these years is enuff 4 me 2 say elijah i love u and thanks jessie-man idk if ive eva told u but u were and hav ben tha biggest influence ever tha way uve turned out i juss hope i can b in my own way like u u were alwys there 2 stop me n say mario wtf u better then that uve always ben there 2 sho me tha rite way to guide me thru tha darkness ben there 2 make me stronger smarter uve juss ben like another brother and ur prolly tha funniest person i kno and u always had my stomach hurtn but at tha same time u cud b serious wen u wanted 2 be and in my own way ive kinda grown up and tried 2 fill ya shoes but yea thanx 4 evrythang my bros-u guys can b soo annoyin and make me soo fuckin mad at times but where wud i b wifout u idk u guys hav always ben there 2 say hey shut tha fuck up wen i started 2 fly off tha hook u guys hav ben there 2 throw punches and stand wif me no matta wut thanx mom-i cud sit here and rite for days i cud rite for days bout evry single time evry single moment uve encouraged me stood up 4 me cheered 4 me told me i cud do it pushed me sed i cud do better wen i fucked up u neva gave up hope and u punished me wen needed but still let me drift out on my own and trip n fall and wen id come bac cryin ud c thas wutcha get n bandage me up soo can i sit here and say how much i love u? naw i dont think its possible 2 put together in words juss feelings how much i care bout u and evry single moment of evry day i thank god i gotta mom like u trisha-evn tho it hurts 2 talk bout it i will..we were soo close almost inseperable and evry moment together was juss great and now that i look bac bout wen u left but i dont cry bout it i juss remember its better 2 hav ben wif u then not at all and i member sayin id neva move on but i cant promise that 2 u and i kno u understand it still kinda hurts but mayb one day ull b in my life again but til then i wish u tha best and thanx 4 tha memories carolyn-ok i kno how u dont like gushy stuff but i juss had 2 put cha in here cuz i feel evn tho u havnt ben in my life 4 long tha impact uve had has ben soo great that i had 2 put u in this part...evryday that passes i realize that ur greater then tha last and evryday tha amount of feelings i hav 4 u increases and i juss hope that we last a long time cuz i reely dont wanna imagine a time wifout u now ur juss that awesome..and i kno ive told u this b4 but now that im wif u i feel like im myself like all those years b4 i wasnt totally mario and now i feel like i am i can b i can say i can do wuteva i want n u dont think im different then b4 n thas great and evn tho its kinda hard 4 me 2 hav 2 wait 4 certain thangs cuz im used 2 them goin a different way but i wuddnt hav it any other way id rather wait 4 u and b with u then not bein wif u...uve made tha lass 7 months of my life soo much better then i cud imagine thanx babe to evry1 else-i may hav not put ur own individual one but that doesnt mean u hav ben a huge part in my life to those not name juss cuz ur not name doesnt mean that u less important in any way soo to evry1 thas hadda positive influence in my life thanx a bunch now after readin all that u may hav a total different outlook at me but wut can i say thas a side of me that ive kinda hidden from ppl til now i guess id rather hav ppl kno me 4 bein funny and a good listener and class clown and shit then anythang and i am that person i juss can also b soo deep i can b such a sweethart i guess i guess i hav a gushy side to me but that doesnt make me weaker in tha least bit if not it makes me stronger sooo while writin this i hav ben debatin whether i shud make this entry private or not and at 1st i was gonna but wut purpose wud it serve 4 it 2 b private...it wuddnt do anythang if tha only person who cud reed this is me i already now who i am i want evry else 2 see me 4 me i want ppl 2 finally get 2 kno tha reel Mario Christopher Flores....