i dunno i guess im just berating myself this week, but hey i cant help it. i feel like i cant do enough, that i will always be just another stupid person in the world its not like i will ever matter to neone nor will i make nething happen. so why bother caring? one part of me wants to forget everything. but the other part of me will never forgive myself if i do something completely stupid. not that i havent already. one can never win even if u try with all ur heart. i want to do things that people wont forgive me for so i dont. why should i base myself on other people want of me? i dont want to be friendless, though. ive already had to do that i dont want to again. mabye ill just hide away again, im good at that. its awlful lonely, though. ah screw it, life suxs then u die , either sooner or later.