my head is so mudddled right now. it pounds and hurts just to be thinking, not wanting to be subjected to hurt nemore. i try to change and make it better, but i just cant. i hurt my friends and evrything, but i cant help it. i guess i kinda broke down tonight on jess and jon, i didnt mean to i just lost it. i hate myself and i'm sry for evrything i do and am. i was really really stupid. so i had brought a blade to the all-nighter, so what. i felt like i needed the comfort, i did. well, jess found out somehow, and yelled at me. jon had made me throw it away tho. then i spilt all this stuff bout myself, idiot. i hate that, i dont want people knowing more than they have to, he helped tho. so did jess after she got off her yelling at me how i was a psycho and could have been arrested, little extreme. ya? oh well, i really did fuck up tho. no one would have known if i hadnt popped a ballon with it. It was a nice one to exacto knife blade. i didnt use it, havent cut in like a month, i get down during winter. when spring comes i'll go another 8 months. well, nothing else to say, more later.