today we had a relay for life meeting. I wasnt going to stay after because i didnt have a ride, but jess said i could go home with her. . .so i did. Horrible decision, Whenever jon and chris r together they are pain in the asses, most of the time i can deal with them. and i did but im quiet when they get to hyper, i suppose in compensation. i dont expect anything, and so jon askes me if im ok. yes of course, and if u read this jon im not mad at u. the thing that pissed me off is barry pick me up, first of all i dont want him touching me at all. i mean i pretty much hate him. later so i'm over jess's now and forgot else i wanted to write in the library(they were closing, so we had to leave). so i guess ill just kinda start from now. im not so pissed that i stay after of course cause me and jess always have fun, but it they just got on my nerves. like also there this janitor, he gave us food. yet i wasnt hungry and brandi, kim(who doesnt even know me), and jon are all like, eat your so skinny, blah, blah, blah. it bugs me because im not fat, but im not skinny. everyone worries about me how i do this or that. i dont want people to worry it annoys me. beside the fact that i dont think im worth it, but that doesnt matter. 10:30 at night later again wow, alot has happened today. some good, some bad. so i get home today after i went to jess's a little pissed i suppose, not cause of jess. really it was my mum cause we got talking, the first night ive talked to her without fighting in a week. we talked about this and that then my dad, and of course i can always feel good after yelling bout him, the jackass. well, i kinda stayed a little mad at him. i went on and was talking to jon, and he asked me bout today, i knew he would. i told him and hes like ur skinny. he listened really good, huh? so i kinda regreted say everything, of course. whenever i open my stupid mouth i fuck everything completely up. how can i be so stupid? i know this always happens and worse i got him all feeling down on himself. I did just a wonderful job conducting myself. I feel horrible now. Why can't i ever learn from my mistakes?