so yes. kevin was dull. so, that sucks. blah. i dont think i'm going to find anyone. i'm such a loooser. this blows. this has been a total bust. i feel like crap. i got an email from jennifer today. she wants me to go thru dbt all over again. i already sat thru that fucking shit. why should i go back. i don't cut anymore. what else do these people want?! i want to do this on my own. i was fine for 16 fucking years. and things got worse. i'm out of school now. i'm way worse. and i think it can be mind over matter. if i'm not diagnosed then there's no problem. just a secret i have. just some weird habits of mine that no one has to know about. so why cant everyone just fuck off. i like my life right now. some people might think it's self destructive but this is the way i want to live. i like staying up all night by myself. and sleeping all day. not having to deal with this stupid life. these stupid people. i just don't know what i'm doing. and i have the summer to figure it out. this weekend is going to be really bad. i can just feel it. i'm going to be alone for all of it. and it sucks. today is friday. good for it. there's nothing to do. gahh. i fucking hate my life. i hate it. Elliot Smith makes me cry. it reminds me of him. i miss him. i'm so fucking sad. and no one even notices. :( rock off... <333