YESTERDAY ALL THESE THINGS WERE JUST RUSHING THROUGH MY MIND. AND THEY STILL ARE, I MEAN THEY HAVE CALMED DOWN A BIT. BUT I CAN'T LIE AND SAY THAT I AM STILL NOT FEELING DOUBT, SCARED, AFRAID. GOD, HE JUST SO WONDERFULL AND I JUST FEEL THAT I DON'T FIT HIS EXPECTATIONS. I MEAN I KNOW IF I DIDN'T HE WOULDN'T OF ASKED, BUT IT IS STILL THAT DOUBT THERE THAT I DO PRAY SOON LEAVES. BUT THIS MORRNING WHEN I WOKE UP I FELT ALOT BETTER. I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY BABY FROM LIKE 11-1:47 THIS MORRNING. GOT BUSTED TO BY MY MOM. BUT SHE FORGAVE ME. I DON'T KNOW IT LIKE WHEN I AM AWAY FROM HIM FOR SO LONG MY DOUBTS GROW MORE BUT SO DOSE MY WANTS TO FOR HIM. I MEAN LIKE RIGHT NOW I WANT HIM SO MUCH I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME BUT WHEN HE DOSE I WANT HIM TO LET GO CAUSE I FEEL I AM FALLING TO FAR DEEP WITH HIM. TO PLACE WERE I AM TO SCARED TO GO. AND THAT IS THE MOST HORRIFYING THING IN THE WORLD TO ME IS TO LET SOMEONE IN AND BREAK ALL MY BOUNDARIES. I GUESS THIS WIL BE THE ONLY SET BACK IN MY LIFE THAT WANT BE ABLE TO OVER COME.

WELL THERE ARE SO MANT NEW THINGS THAT ARE JUST HGAPPENEING IN MY LIFE RIGHT IT SO RIDICUSLY. FOR INSTANCE MY NEW BF, WELL SEEING AS HOW HE JUST BACK THE BF YESTERDAY THINGS HAVE JUST GOT ALITTLE TO CONFUSING. I MEAN REALLY DO LIKE HIM. ITS JUST SOMETHING IS NOT THERE. HE IS SO SWEET EVERYTHING PHYSICAL I DESIRE. IT'S JUST THAT I FEEL SO UNSURE ABOUT HIM. I MEAN THE WAY HE ASKED ME FELT LIKE IT WAS JUST IN THE SPURE OF THE MOMMENT. AND IT JUST HAVE MY DOUBUTS. EVERYONE I GUESS DOSE ITS JUST THAT THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. AND I HAVE LOST SO MANY GOOD MEN BY ALL MY DOUBTS. IT'S LIKE I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT WILL BECOME OF US. I REALLY AM JUST TO WORRIED ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD POSSIBLE GO WRONG. I TRY SO HARD TO SAY TO MYSELF THINGS WILL BE OKAY. WE WILL POBABLLY MAKE IT ON THIS TRAIN. BUT I AM JUST SO WORRIED THAT WE MAY HAVE SOME TYPE ENGEIN PROBLEM AND WE WONT EVEN BE ABLE TO LEAVE THE STATION. WHY DOSE THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME WHY DO I ALWAYS DOUBT BEFORE TRYING. I FEEL SO HELPLESS LOST IN THE NEGATIVITY CYCLE. I FEEL LIKE IM ON A TRAIN OF DOUBT BY MYSELF AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT AND I'M TO SCARED TO JUMP OFF. AND TO SCARED TO LET ANY COME AND STOP IT. I JUST WISH ONE DAY, SOME PERSON COULD JUST STOP THIS TRAIN SO WERE I CAN COME UP FOR A DEEP BREATH. IF HE IS THE ONE TO STOP THIS TRAIN I HOPE HE DOSE IT SOON CAUSE WE WANT MAKE IT PASS DAY 2. I'M TO LOST IN DOUBT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY BF. HE IS REALYY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF. I HAVN'T TALKED TO HIM IN LIKE 2 WEEKS AND HE POPS UP AND CALLS ME YESTERDAY. AND SAYS" WHATS UP BABY?". LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. ON A CELL PHONE HE FOUND. I MEAN I WAS HAPPT TO HEAR FROM HIM. I MEAN THRUSDAT WAS 2MONTHS OF US BEING TOGETHER AND HE DIDN'T EVEN CALL. AND I CALLED HIM TODAY AND HE WAS IN CHURCH. AND HE LIKE I'LL HIT U BACK AFTER CHURCH. AND HE DID. HE LIKE WHATS UP BABY. AND THEN I WAN'R PAYING THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO HIM CAUSE MY SISTER WANTED ME TO DO SOMETHIG FOR HER. AND HE GOT PISSED AND HUNG UP. HE IS A REALLY BITCH. AND THE WERIED THING THAT IS WHAT DRAWS ME TO LIKE HIM. HIS SLIK ASS ATTUIED AND HIS BADNESS. BUT LET ME TELL U I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF SHIT AND I'M GONE. BUT GOT TO RUN HIT THE DAIRY BACK UP LATER IM OUT.

WELL I HAVE TWO MORE WEEKS TILL IM BACK IN SCHOOL. THIS SUCKS SO BAD. I AM REALLY NOT READY FOR THE SUMMER TO END. i MEAN NORMALLY I CAN'T WAIT TO GEY BACK TO SCHOOL. BUT NO.... ME HAVING A BOYFRIEND AND ACTUALLY TRYING TO HAVE A REALTIONSHIP IS GOING TO BE TO MUCH TO HANDLE ALONG WITH SCHOOL. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO FOCUSED TOWARD SCHOOL. SCHOOL HAS KEPTED ME OCUIPED FOR DESTRACTION. WELL ITS NOT LIKE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. I MEAN I WAS JOGGLING 6 GUYS AT ONUCE. ONE TIME, I GUESS MY BOYFRIEND AND SCHOOL. WONT BE THAT HARD TO JOGGLE. AND THE THING IS WITH THIS GUY I AM GOING WITH I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LIKE HIM. AND ITS WERIED CAUSE I NORMALLY JUST THINKING GUYS ARE BEST IF USED AS TOYS. BUT WITH HIM ITS DIFFRENT I HAVE BEEN HONEST WITH HIM FROM THAT STRAT. I TOLD HIM THINGS I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANY GUY I HAVE EVER GONE WITH. I ACTUALLY AM THINKING ABOUT GIVING HIM A CHANCE TO COME IN MY HEART. ITS VERY SCARY. BUT IAM TIRED OF PLAYING GAMES. EVEN THOUGH SOME TIMES THERE FUN. I GUESS I WILL JUST SAVE THEM FOR MY BOYFRIEND. WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. AND HE IS EVEN CONSEDERATE ABOUT THE FACT OF ME BEING A VIRIGIN. WHICH EVERYONE KNOWS MOST MEN OR BOYS WHAT EVER U CALL THEM PREFOER SOME WITH MORE EXPERINCE WELL AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I HAVE HEARED.OHHH THIS SUCKS SO BAD I REALLY DON'T NEED ALL THIS CONFUSION NOW. SCHOOL IS GOING TO BE SO HARD FOR ME THIS YEAR. aNY WAYS JOURNAL I AM GOING TO RUN I HAVE TO CALL MY BABY NOW AND SEE WHAT HE IS UP TOO. IM OUT!

HEY EFVERYONE IAM BACK. OMG I HAVE MISSED WRITING IN MY JOURNAL PAGE.SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED TO ME IT IS NOT EVEN FUNNY. SO MANY NEW THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO TYUPE ABOUT RIGHT NOW BUT CAN'T. I HAVE A BLOCK PARTY THAT I MUST ATTENED TO RIGHT NOW. SO I WILL HIT MY JOURNAL PAGE BACK UP TOMM.

WELL FRIDAY THE 16TH. ME AND MY FRIEND JESSICA GOT GROUNDED TILL MAY 13TH. YAH I SUCKS REALLY BAD. IF ANY WANTS TO KNOW WH. HERE IS WHY. BOTH OF OWRS CURFUES ARE 12. SO ME AND HERE WENT OUT ABOUT 11:05 PM WITH OWR TWO HOME BOYS. WE ALL WENT AND CHILLED AT THE BEACH. WELL WE CHILLED OUT THERE FOR ABOUT 15MINUS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WERE ME AND HERE WERE GOING TO STAY THE NIGHT. WELL WHEN WE FIGURED IT OUT AND WERE GETTING READY TO LEAVE THE COPS PULL UP. YAH. AND THE OYS WE WERE CHILLEN WITH WERE SMOKEING, DRINKING EVYERTHING. AND WE JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE CAUGHT UP IN CAUSE WE WERE THERE. EVEN THOUGH ME AND HER DIDN'T DRINK, SMOKEOR DO ANY SEXUAL THINGS. IT WAS JUST THE FACT THE WE WERE UNDER AGE WITH A 19 AND AN 18 YEAR OLD MALES. WHICH I THINK IS PRETTY STUPIED CAUSE THERE BOTH ONLY WHAT 2-3 YEAR OLDER THAN US AND WE KNEW THEM FROM WHEN WE WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. SO YAH THEY CALLED OWR PARENTS AND LET THEM GO NOT EVEN GIVING THEM A WARNING AND THEY FOUND DRUGS ON THEM. SO YAH I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OF. ABOUT THIS EVEN THE THOUGH THE ONLY THING I DID WRONG WAS BE OUT PAST CURFEW AND HAT SHOULD BE ONLY A WEEKS PUNISHMENT. ANYWAYS JUST WANTED TO CATCH YALL UP ON THE GRETA THINGS IN MY LIFE.

WELL I HAD A HELL OF TIME OUT WITH MY FRIENDS FRIDAY NIGHT. WE ALL WENT OUT JOY RIDING IN TWO CARS. ONE FOR THE BOYS ONE FOR THE GIRLS. ANYWAYS I AM REALLY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. WELL THERE WAS THIS PROBLEM WITH THIS HIRL SAMASTH AT MY SCHOOL. ANWAYS TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT. SHE DODULBE CROSSED MY FRIEND JESSICA. AND SHE TRIED ME REALLY BAD MORE THAN OUNCE. AND THAT SHIT PISSED ME OFF. WELL SHE LIKES THIS GUY CHRIS OR DID I DON'T KNOW. ANYWAYS SHE KNEW THAT ME AND CHRIS HAD A LITTLE THING GOING ON BUT IAM MEAN HE IS A BIG BOY HE CAN TALK TO WHOEVER HE WANTS CAUSE HE IS NOT MY MAN. ANYWAYS THIS GIRL SAMATH FUCKED HIM THE FIRST TIME SHE MET. AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS GIRL IS A FUCKING HOE. I AM NOT SAYING THIS JUST BECUASE I DON'T LIKE HER. BUT SHE IS SHE LETS HER PUSSY TO THE PUBLIC. ANWAYS CHRIS FOUNED OUT THAT SHE IS THIS BIG ASS SLUT THAT FUCK ANY AND EVERYRTHING. NO I DID NOT TELL HIM MY FRIEND JESSICA DID BECAUSE THEY USE TO BE BEST FRIENDS AND SAMATH TOLD HER EVERYTHING. WELL CHRIS CALLED ME LAST NIGHT THREE TIMES. HE CALLED AND TOLD AND WE TALKED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST WENSDAY NIGHT OR WHATEVER. AND HE TOLD ME HOW WHEN HE SAW AT SAMATHS WENSDAY HE SAID HE FELT SO BAD CAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO OUCH OR LOOK AT HER CAUSE HE REALLY LIKES ME. AND I AM JUST SITTING HER THINKING IF YOU DO WHY FUCK SOMTHING THAT DOES EVERYONE. AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE DID AND WHY. SO I AM JUST HAPPY HE DID NOT LIE TO ME ABOU. HE TOLD ME THE TRUTH. AND THAT IS WHAT VAULE THE IS THE TRUTH. I MEAN WE TALK ABOUT ALL SORTS OF STUFF WHAT WE DON'T LIKE WHAT WE DO HIS SON. I MEAN WE TALK INTILL FROM I THINK IT WAS ABOUT 2AM TO 5:13AM. THAT WAS THE LONGEST TALK I HAVE EVER HAD WITH ANYONE ON THE PHONE. WELLL JUST WANTED TO UP DATE I AM AT WORK WITH MY MOM DOING SOME SCHOOOL WORK. HOPE EVERYONE WHO READS THIS IS DOING OK.

well i told my friend caris about what happened that night. the girl who use to go with chris. and supprisingly she wasn't mad at all. she was quiet happy i told her instead of some one else telling her. i caould not keep that in any longer and it just felt so much better telling regardless of how she would of responed. so we both disscused everything, and it went well. we are stil closer than ever. and i thank god for that. cause she is the type of person who will tewll the truth no matter if it hurts. yah but now there is even more drama at work for me.this boy who i thought was desent and kinda. and all i did was kiss him. well he went back and lied on me and said that i wanted to sucjk his dick an do all this stuff with him. First off i am virgin and will be for some time. and any one who knows me will tell you that i think oral sex both ways is just the most horrible thing in the world to me. i mean my best friend roger will even tell you that it is just nasty to me. my firends want even talk about about it in front of me. this really hurt me finding this out. i mean i knew all guys were just scum. well maybe not all men. this really hurt me tough cause no one has ever said anything bad about me not this bad anyways. anyways i guess i will move on but it is really hard. and this boy has the nerve to actually call my phone to talk to me. oh i have a question for any one. hoe do you block someones number off a cell phone? My best friend roger wants to whopp his ass. iam so coffuesed fustrated but also releaved about telling her. any ways i hope eveyrone who is reading this diary is doing ok.

well this past weeknd i went out with a few of my friends. friday night two of my friends picked me and ny home girl jessica up. anyways they toke us out to toca bell. and we met up with two other poeple who use to go to school with me and jessica. mike and chris. so we just chilled at toca bell parking lot for about 2 fucking hours then we got bored and went to beach and chilled. well it was getting later and my freind cusha the girl who picked us up had to go home. so her and roger the other person who picked me and jessica up went home. so it was just me, mike,jessica and chris. cause they said they would take us home. well the thing was that mike liked jessica and and i guess chris like me. well we played truth or dare cause we so bored. we at the beach at this time chilling in the car. anyways i couldn't do an dares at all cause chris went with one of my friends and you know the rules about that. anyways we didn't get back to my house till 6:31am in the morrning. so me and jessia slept till 7:00pm woke got dressed. cause they said that would come get us saturday night. well when they say that it means about 1 in the morring. anways that night we went back to the beach and chilled. this is were i fell really dirty me and chris were sitting on the beach. and thigns got a little hot. not we didnot have sex iam still a virgin and damn proud. but i think i was so wrong cause i have rules never flirt make out or anything with friends ex's. and it really hurts me. that i did somthing like that cause that is not me. and then the next day i went over my freind jessica ex boyfriend house with her. and her ex's brother was hitting on me so i kinda made out with him. and the thing wrong with that is i think my friend marissa likes him. personally to me i can't control the fact that they like me. but i know i was wrong cause i can control my self. i think i was just so pissed at the fact i lost my 2 bestfriends over something so stupied. and this really wasn't my falut. evenone of my best friends brother said it wasn't my fault. i don't know i thnk i was just really confused. and i toke it out on those boys. well i up for any commentrs from any. if critisum is nessary than i will take that too. i am open to any one oppion.

WELL THERE IS THIS BOY IN MY CLASS. AND WERE FRIENDS WE TALK. AND WE BOTH HAVE EMOTIONS FOR EACH OTHER, BTU THERE IS A CATCH. WELL THERE IS ALWAYS A CATCH. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. AND HIS RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE RICKS RIGHT NOW. HE WAS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HER THIS MORNING. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO HER HER CRY. THEY GOR INTO A LIITLE ARGUMENT THIS MORRNING. WELL IT REALLY SUCKS FOR ME BECAUSE I AM REALLY BECOMING TO LIKE HIM. AND IT HARDTO RESTRAIN OUR SELVES FOR TOUCHING EACH OTHER. AND I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON I AMNOT GOING TO MESS WITH SOMEONE ELSE MAN. CAUSE I WOULD WANT OTHER FEMALES TO HAVE THATRESPECTFOR ME. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE GOT ATAACHED TO ANY BOY EXCPET ONE BUT WERE MORE CLOSER NOW AS BROTHER AND SISTER. SO I TOLD HIM YESTERDAY I SADI STARING TO DAY WE CAN'T TOUCH EACH OTHER OR MAKE SEXUAL CONTENTS TO EACH OTHER. THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS GIVE EACH OTHER A HUG AND KISS ON CHECK CAUSE THATS WHAT WE USE TO DO BEFORE ME EVEN STRATED TALKS AS MUCH AS WE DO NOW. AND THIG IS HE IS NOT EVEN MY TYPE PHYSICALLY AND SOME WHAT MENTALLY. BUT I HAVE GROWN TO LOVE HIS PERSONALLITY. PHYSICALLY NO HE NOT, BUT I HAVE LEARNED TO LOOK PASS THAT. HE SAYS I AM EVERYTHING HE IS LOOKING FOR. I KNOW HE WANTS TO BREAK UP WITH HIS GIRL. BUT I KINDA THINK THEY SHOULD WORK IT OUT. I KNOW ME SAYING THAT. BUT YAH THE HAVE BEEN TOGHETHER FOR A YEAR. I DON'T KNOW I GUESS I AM GOING TO HOLD BACK MY FEELINGS AND JUST WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS CAUSE I AM TIRED OF BEING HURT.

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY I AM HAPPYBUT ALSO PISSED. I AM JUST WONDERING HOW MANY PEOPLE AT SCHOOL ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO GET SOMETHING. I MEAN PEOPLE ALWAYS OPEN THERE MOUTH AND SAY ONE THING BUT DO ANOTHER. I KNOW ONE PERSON WILL. AND THE OTHER BETTER BE COMING TO MY HOUSE TO GIVE ME MIND. aNWAYS I HOPE SCHOOL TODAY GOES GREAT FOR ME CAUSE I AM ALREADY KNOW THE WORESE WILLCOME. AND THE ONLY THING THAT CHEERED ME UP OF MADE ME HAPPY WAS MY FRIEND ASIA SHE ACTUALLY WOKE UP AROUND THE TIME I WAS BGORN AND WISHED MY YHAPPY BIRTHDAY. WELL GOT TO GO I REALLY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY, EXCPET SOME ONE PRAY FOR ME TO HAVE AGOOD DAY TODAY.

WELL TOMM. IS MY B-DAY AND I AM HAPPY BUT UPSET IN AWAY CAUSE NONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO I WANT ARE GOING TO BE HERE FOR MY B-DAY AT SCHOOL. AND SOME PEOPLE AT MY SCHOOL TELL ME OH ASHLEY I AM GOING TO GET YOU SOMETHING FOR YOUR B-DAY. OF COURSE I SAY OK. BUT INSIDE I AM LIKE PLEASE DON'T LIE TO ME. DON'T TELL ME ONE THING AND YOU DO A TOTALLY DIFFRENET THING. THAT IS ONE THING I CAN'T STAND IS WHEN PEOPLE LIE TO ME. SO I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW EVERYTHIGN IS GOPING TO GO DOWN TOMM. I KNOW I WILL NOT GET ONE SINGLE THING FROM ANYONE WHO SAID THEY WOULD GET ME SOMETHING. I KNOW ONE PERSON WILL AND THEAT IS ROGER BUT HE IS COMING TO MY HOUSE TO IVE ME MINE TOMM. SO I WILL SEE IF HE WILL COME THROUGH. MY MOM IS PISSING ME OFF TO. WELL I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH.

WELL MONDAY WAS v-DAY. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I THOUGHT IT WAS YESTERDAY. I HATE V-DAY I MEAN IT IS NOT BECAUSE I I DON'T HAVE ANY ONE WHICH ACTUALLY I KINDA DO. BUT JUST BECUAE IT IS ALL THAT MUSHY LOVE SHIT. I GOT SOMETHING FOR V-DAY. WHICH WAS OK. ONE PERSON I DIDN'T LIKE BUT HE GAVE ME SOMETHING. MY BEST FRIENDS ROGER GOT KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL LAST WEKK THURSDAY. SO I COUDLN'T GIVE HIS PRESENT AT SCHOOL ON V-DAY AND HE COULDM'T GIVE ME MINE WHICH PISSED ME OFF. I MISS HIM. I WENT TO THE V-DAY PARTY SATURDAY WHICH WAS FUN. AS HELL. AND FUNNY. I HAD MORE FUN THEN I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE HAD. WELL I HOPE TODAY DOEN'T GO BAD.

WOW CRAIG..... WELL CRAIG IS MY NEW BOYFRIEND. aND HE IS KINDA OF A PIAN IN THE ASS. I MEAN BEFORE WE EVEN WENT TOGETHER. HE WOULD CALL ME EVERY SINGLE DAY. AND I WAS JUST LIKE GIVE ME MY DAM SPACE. THEN I THINK ABOUT A WEEK AGO THURSDAY HE SAID WE WHERE GIRL FRIEND AND BOYFRIEND. dID N'T ASK ME IF I WANTED TO BE TILL AFTER HE TOLD ME. AND THEN HE FAILS TO REALIZE MY GRANDFATHER DIED HIS FUNNERAL WAS SATUDAY. aND HE IS LIKE OH SO YOU CAN'T CALL ME. DOSN'T CALL TO SAY HOW ARE YOU AND DO YOU NEED ME THERE TO SUPPORT YOU. tHEN HE TEXTED MY PHONE AND TOLD ME THAT I WAS CHEATING ON HIM. I MEAN WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE IS HE. AND THEN I KNOW HE DOSN'T LIKE THE FACT THAT THE MAJORITY OF MY FRIENDS ARE GUYS. I MEAN MY FRIEND ROGER CALLLED ME THE DAY OF MY GRANDFATHERS FUNNERAL AND ASKED ME WAS I ALRIGHT AND IF YOU ANT I WILL COME THERE AND BE WITH YOU THROW THIS. I MEAN I T IS NOT MY FAULT MOST OF FRIENDS ARE GUYS. aND THAT DOSN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TI JUST ACCUSE ME OF SOMETTHING THAT NEVER HAPPENED AND SOMETHING I WOULS NEVER DO. AND THNE MY FRIEND THINKS HE IS A WOMEN BEATER. I DON'T KNOW I AM JUST SO CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT TO DO. I MEANN REALLY DON'T LIKE HIM. BUT I HAVE REALLY GAVE HIM A CHANCE. HELP ME....... SOMEONE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL MY B-DAY IS COMING UP AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR IT MY MOM HAS THIS GREAT I DEA FOR IT. WITH ME I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO WORRIES ABOUT HOW MUCH IT IS GOING TO COST AND STUFF. I KNOW I SHOLDN'T AND I AM TRYING NOT TO BUT I IS HARD. I DON'T KNOW RIGHT NOW I AM JUST SO COINFUSED ABOUT SO SHIT IT IS NOT EVEN FUNNY. I MEAN AT LEAST MY SCHOOL WORK IS GOING DOWN IN THE DUMPESES. ANYWAYS I I GUESS I AM GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING SOON. SINGING OFF..........

WELL CHRISTMAS IS COMING! WELL I CAN'T SAY I'AM ALL EXCITED ABOUT BUT HAY ITS WHEN YOU GET MONEY. WELL IAM IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW AND BORED OUT MY MIND SCHOOL DOSN'T START TILL 9AM. I HAVE ONLY THREE MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL TILL TIME FOR CHRISTMAS BREAK. I GOT MY NEW CELL PHONE WHICH I AM HAPPY ABOUT, AND MY BIRTHDAY IS A MONTH AWAY MY MOM WANTS TO BUY ME CONTACTS. SO I WILL HAVE THOSE FOR MY B- DAY. I GUES I AM HAPPY About tha. one of my friends has fallen for one of my guy friends. but he is just not ready for a realtionship and plus is career is starting to launch off and that is all he is going to have time for. and i knida feel bad for cause she really liked him. and now me telling heer that kinda made me seem like the bad person. but iam so happy for him thats my boy. and i can't help but notice that some females are jealous of the realationship between me and him. even though me and him are just really good friends. any ways FUCK EVERYBODY cause don't know one run me okay. anyways peace and i'll hallor back

WELL I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY. WELL I WAS GOING WITH THIS GUY NAMED JAMAL I NEW HIM FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS BUT DIDN'T REALLY START TALKING TILL THE HURRICANES STARED HITTING. MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE EARLIER. ANYWAYS ME AND HIM HAVN'T REALLY TALKING IN AWHILE. I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT HE HAS A GIRL FRIEND. MY SISTER TOLD ME AND THAT THEY WERE GOING TOGETHER SINCE SHE WAS IN 6TH. AND WHAT REALLY SUPPRISED ME WAS THAT I LET HIM DO THINGS TO ME THAT I LET NOT OTHER GUY DO TO ME. NO WE DID NOT HAVE SEX. I AM STILL CLEAN. I AM MEAN I DON'T THINK I AM THAT HURT JUST DISAPPONITED. CAUSE I MEAN WHEN WE WERE GOING TOGETHER I EVEN TOLD HIM THAT HE COULD TALK TO OTHER GIRLS THAT WILL DO THINGS THAT I WANT DO. I TOLD HIM THAT WOULD NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. THE LAST TIME I EVEN SAW HIM WAS WHEN I WENT TO HIS HOUSE FOR TWO DAY AFTER HURRICANE JEANNE HIT. THOSE WERE I THINK THE BEST DAYS I HAVE SINCE ME PATRYING AND JOYRIDEING WITH ASIA. AND I MEAN AFTER THAT I DIDN'T HERE FROM HIM FOR AWHILE. HIS BROTHER CALLED ME AND HE LIKED MT TOO. I KNEW THAT BUT PAYED HIM NO MIND CAUSE I THOUGHT HE WOULD GET THE HINT I WASN'T INTRSETED. SO ME AND HIM GOT IN A CONFLICT ON THE PHONE AND HAVN'T HEARED FROM HIM OR HIS BROTHER. THEN MONDAY I FIND OUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. HE CALLED I CONGRULATED HIM ON THAT. EVEN THOUGH THAT GIRL GAVE MORE RIDES THAN GRAY HOUND. MY SISTER WAS MAKEING FUN HIM AND HER CAUSE THEY DIDN'T MAKE A GOOD COUPLE AT ALL. BUT I AM NOT THAT TYPE OF PERSON TO SIT THERE AND TALK ABOUT SOME I AM NOT THAT MEAN. NOW I HAVE TO TELL MY FRIENDS ROGER,ASIA,AND MARTIN. BUT I AM SCARED BECAUSE ROGER WILL WANT TO KILL HIMA AND ASIA WILL TELL HER BOYFRINED WHO IS ALSO A FRIEND OF MIND. MARTIN WOULD DO SOMETHING BUT HE ALL THE WAY IN ALABAMA IF I ASKED THOUGHT HE WOULD COME OR IF IT SOMETHING ELSE WORSE. BUT I KNOW IF I TELL THEM THEY MAY TROW IT ALL OUT OF PROPORTION. THATS IS WHY I DON'T LET MY SELF GET ATTACHED TO GUYS. IF ANYTHING ALL WE WILL BE IS FRIENDS. I HAVE ONLY TRUSTED ONE GUY IN MY WHOLE LIFE AND ONLY HIM. I GUESS I WILL BE VIRGIN FOR AWHILE. CAUSE AT LEAST I WANT IT TO BE WITH SOME I KNOW AND TRUSTED AND WHO AFTERWARDS WANT LEAVE AND DO WHAT MOST GUYS DO. WERE WHEN WE SHARE THAT MOMENT AFTERWARDS WE AN STILL BE FRIENDS. WELL THAT WANT BE NO TIME SOON.

I HAVE THIS NEW GUY FRIEND AND HAVE BENN TALKING WOR SOME WEEKS NOW. I HAVE KNOW HIM SINCE HE WAS IN SEVENTH AND I WAS IN EGTH. HE IS OLDER THAN ME HE BIRTHDAY WAS LATE THAT IS WHY HE IS IN A GRADE UNDER ME. ANYWAYS BASCAILLY I AM CONFUSED ABOUT HIM, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM AT ALL. ITS LIKE HE SAYD HE LOVE ME AND HE CARES. ITS JUST THAT HE DOSN'T WANT TO COME SEE ME ENLESS HE IS GETTING SOMETHING FOR COMING OVER. AND HE ALREADY KNOWS THAT I AM NOT IN ANY HURRY AT ALL TO GIVE UP MY VIRGINTY. AND HE UNDERSTANDS. SO I BROUGHT UP THE IDEA WHAT IF WE HAD AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. WERE WE ARE TOGETHER BUT WE CAN SEE OTHER PEOPLE. I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T MIND IF WENT WITH OTHER GURLS OR IF HE HAD SEX WITH THEM. BECUASE HE KNOWS THAT I AM NJOT READY FOR ANY OF THAT AND THAT IF SOME OTHER GURL CAN DO THE THINGS THAT I AM NOT READY FOR THAN I DON'T MIND. BUT HE TOLD ME THAT HE DOSN'T WANT TO DO IT WITH ANY ONE ELSE JUST ME. AND ME I DON'T TRUST GUYS AT ALL CAUSE I BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE ALL LIERS. THE ONLY GUY THAT I WILL EVER TRUST AND HAVE EVER TRUSTED IS MY LIFE IS MARTIN. I HAVEKNOW HIM FOUR THREE YEARS NOW AND THAT IS LIKE THE BROTHER I NEVER I HAD AND I LOVE HIM TO DETH. BUT ANYWAYS I AM JUST SO CONFUSED CAUSE HOW CAN HE LOVE ME IF HE DOSN'T EVEN WANT TO SEE ME ENLES HE GET SOMETHING. LIKE THURSDAY IS EARLE REALES DAY SO I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD COME OVER AFTER SCHOOL AND CHILL WITH HIM AT HIS HOUSE. HE SAID I CAN BUT I AM GOIGN TO LET HIM HIT ME YOU KNOW HAVE SEX. AND I TOLD HIM NO. MEAN THIS GUY WAS MY FRIST KISS. WELL I DON'T UNDERSTAND I GUESS I WILL STILL GO OVER HIS HOUSE BUT I AM SCARED HE MAY THINK THAT IS A SIGN SAYING I AMREADY TO GO FUTHER. WELL GOT TO GO TRY TO GET BEACK HERE AND GIVE UPDATES WHEN EVER.

WELL FOR THOSE OF YALL WHO DO NOT KNOW THAT HURRICANE FRANCES HAS WELL IT HIT MY HOUSE. MY HOUSE IS ALRIGHT BUT OUR YARD AND EVERYTHING WAS SO TERRIBLE. WE JUST GOT OWR POWER BACK ON YESTERDAY NIGHT AT LIKE 11:00PM AND THAT IS REALLY GOOD AND ALL BUT. NOW I AM AM SITTING IN A ROOM, AT SCHOOL WITH NO AIRCONDITIONING IN A ROOM FULL OF KIDS HIOT BODIES AND I AM SO MSIERABLE. THIS SHIT IS REALLY MAKE ME MAD. I MEAN WHY WOULD THEY EVEN LET US COME TO SCHOOL IF THERE IS NO AIR IN A BULIDING THAT AT LEAST 300 HURNDES KIDDSS ARE IN. I MEAN I AM PROBABBLY NOT EVEN SPELLING RIGHT BECAUSE OF THE HEAT SO MUCH. AND IT IS NOT ONLY THAT I HAVE SO PERSONAL PROBLEMS ALSO WITH THIS GUY I AM TALKING. AND IT I JUST SO MUCH BULSHIT GOING ON TO WERE I DON'T NEED TO BE IN THIS ROOM DOJNG NOTHING ON TOP OF THAT. WELL THAT ISSUE WITH HIM IS A WHOLE ANOTHER STORY. GOD THIS NOT EVEN FUNNY I WANT TO GO HOME I AM SO FUSTRATED RIGHT NOW. NOT ONLY THAT WE NOW HAVE TO MAKE UP SO MUCH MORE WORK THAT WE MISSED WHY WE WERE OUT FOR THIS HURRICANE. AND THEN IB WWILL BE GOING TO SCHOOL FROM 9AM TO 5:15PM IN THE AFTERNOON AND THE EXPECT ME TO STAY FOR THAT . I REALL MISS MY BABY SO MUCH. anyways i am going to leave since we are not even suppose to on the computer anyways so bye ./

WELL I BACK IN SCHOOL WHICH OK. I MEAN I HAVE BENN KINDA WAITING FOR SCHOOL TO COME BACK. AND YET JUST TWO MONTHS AGO I WAS WAITING FOR IT TO BE OVER WITH. WELL THE ONLY THING I HATE ABOUT SCHOOL NOW IS THAT WE ONLY HAVE THREE CLASSES. SO I AM NOT GETTING ALL THE CREDITS I NEED. PLUS I DON'T EVEN HAVE A MATH CLASS I HAVE TWO ENGLISH CLASSES, AND MY NURSING CLASS. WHICH THAT SUCKS BECAUSE HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO PASS IN TEST THEY GIVE ABOUT MATH. I REALLY DON'T THINK I WILL PASS. SO I AM TRYING TO GET A TRANSFOR. BUT I DOUBUT THEY WILL DO ANYTHING CAUSE THEY WILL PROBABLLY SAY I NEED BOTH ENGLISH CLASSSES WHICH NOT TRUE.CAUSE I BELEIVE I DO REALLY GOOD IN ENGLISH AND ALL MY TEAHCERS TELL ME THAT. AND I AM ALSO BEEN KINDA OF THINK ABOUT MY CARREER. WELL GOT TO GO I HAVE TO GO MY NEXT CLASS FINISH LATER.