my decision is I need to start writing again I need to let everything out this way! I have been far too open with my new friends even though I believe in being open is a good thing but to be open all the time is not neccisarily a good thing. I miss him so much but I am not his and he is not mine but I talk to much about him so by writing here when I want to talk to a friend of mine will help me keep everything to myself, I am starting to get worried though that having a friend of mine talk to him will make so that I will never have him again. he asked if my roommate was a round then a few minutes later he asked if I wanted to have him come over to help me out with everything. I dont know how to take that.. or what he wanted out of his visit. he was quiet and everything but I dont want him to thing I give anything out like that freely because that is not what a relationship is all about. but at the same time I kind of would not mind it. I dont know its almost like I am compleely different when I am not in a group. I do miss him he is a very sweet guy. I dont know what to say I mean he told me he just wants to be friends but the thing is I have a feeling he wants more but not saying anything and I never get that. I dont want the friends with benefits at all I am so over that. ugh mer goo han Ahhh. poop, darn it. I kind of like the feeling f wanting him and I feel like the only thing missing from this friendship is the phsical stuff. grrr. he has told me so much but not so much on himself. hm...