this is my forth entry in two days, I would rather write this than use other people. my thing is not a lot of peope know or actually understand why myself esteem is low, and I only understand how people are by sharing my experiences. I am no longer depressed but at times I can be upset or even well sad, I am rather lost but I will move past it. I dont know how I have friends at my current school because everything seems so DRAMATIC but also the ones I get a long with that arent dramatic I worry I might annoy them because I feel like I am around them too much, I kind of wish I was able to find myself again I was so happy with who I was when I was in high school that now when I become an adult I am so confused. I have an Idea as to my major but that is not all my life is about its so much more than that right? dropping out of this idea that there is nothing out there for me I do believe there is something I am just holding on to so much right now that it is to hard to get to it. what I have accomplished... 1. being able to live on my own and not feel home sick 2. strength to make my own decisions 3. knowing that it is ok to fail 4. knowing that when I fail I can get back up on my feet 5. I can ask for help 6. I know that I can try new things and work to get them done. 7. I can travel on my own or with people I dont really know 8. that in knew places I will be able to meet new people 9. the small things in life do actually mean a great deal. 10. I know I am worthy to be loved by others (family included). I need to write that list and for some reason I feel happy about myself right now. I know I am not ugly I know I am not fat I know I am smart I know I am good at something even if I have not found what it is I know I am able to love others I know someday I will be able to say "I love you" and not have to worry about calling it the L-word. I have so much in this entry that now that I am able to write it here I might be able to believe it at some point.