I know I said I'm tired but nobody gets it. Its that inside tired, when your tired of yourself and who you are around certain people. My friends say to get more sleep, and my mom says that I'm growing (God forbid) its like, when something scary happens, like a cop pulls you over or you have a fender bender, your heart always speeds up and you get so tense... and afterwards your body is so tired you sleep forever. Well, I spend forever waiting for April 6th and wondering if I'm going to cry at school and all this stupid stuff, and then the day happenes and I'm quiet and my eyes are always full but I won't cry because nobody knows... and now its after words and my insides are getting used to not worrying so much anymore. And I've changed so much, I can hardly see myself as who I was last year and who I was the years before that. I look at me and who I am and who I was and all that stuff, I was loud and shy and stupid, now I'm a faker. I fake liking people because I'm scared of what they'll say, I fake who I am and what I like... and it's all so dumb. I don't even read at school anymore, because I'm sick of people commenting on it. and I keep telling myself that high school will be better, 9th grade will be better... but I cant help but wonder if I'm building myself up for disappointment. It doesnt even look like Meghan will come and god knows how Bethany's gonna be, what with her friends with all those brats and then me and meghan... If I have to spend one more year sitting with Amanda and Katie and Maria, I might just break. I'm sick of acting like Amanda's side kick, her partner in math only when she needs to copy, her friend only when it seems like there are none. Sarah's a bitch with a fat ass and I can only take Vicky in pieces and bits, then Dustin is so annoying sometimes, and Alex is bipoler. Then we have Angie who talks so fast that all you can do is nod, and then Ivana who seems great until she gets around Amanda. Then Maria whose a back stabbing bitch who talks about e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y Dougs an idiot and Hunter is dying to join the preps. Its all so damn stupid. and I feel like with the way I'm acting theres no way I'll ever see my dad again. Oh my god, ashley just called and she cant come over to finish the projects because shes got a temperature of 102 and shes throwing up... so now I have to leave so I can finish two damn projects by myself. I dont know what I'm gonna do, its all due tomorrow and I have no idea what to do. so there goes my grade. God this sucks so bad