he looked like a stranger. walked up on my porch in the dark and with rain. i thought i'd feel butterflies. i felt a little sick. a hug and i felt nothing. he was totally different. "who are you?" not the boy i once fell in love with. someone different. broken spirit and too many drunken nights maybe. i yearn for that other boy, with the soft gray-blue eyes and crooked teeth smile. where'd he go? i searched for comfort in his eyes. where i had found it so many times before. warmth, trust, love. nothing, nothing, nothing. i felt like it was the first time we had met and i paid him for sex. bad sex at that. * * * & i cant explain how many times i've said goodbye and how this time, i finally mean it.