im coming down off a five day pill binge and my head is spinning and im in a daze and dont remember his face but kiss his lips anyways and she stares at me with sad eyes and i look away in shame, there wasnt anything there when i thought it was, and i miss someone but not who i thought and realize it is myself and she tells me to respect myself before other people can and she holds me close and i cry and he's on my mind and i wonder where he is and why he hurts me but im quick to forgive although i cant forget and i'll still be here when the girls are gone and all these thoughts fly through my head and i think in layers but you wouldnt understand this unless you forgot who your real friends were too on a five day pill binge and i sang to her when he said he wanted a boy who was too drunk to give a fuck and that sad girl, well its me but today i set down the cough medicine and threw away my pot smoking habits and the stuff they dont know about, well its gone too and maybe premiscuousness isnt for me but then again thats what that one has been saying for quite some time and you know what else the one that holds me close said: always give your love, so i will, yes i will and wont get angry as i want to be because im so torn down inside that its crazy bad and i wont cry because its like she says: no one deserves my tears, and in this haze of emotion and life i stopped to look around and only felt the presence of one person and they were there and this chapter in my life is over and forever i will owe my life to them and they know who they are for we shared a moment on a small ocean holding hands that day in our dreams that we have yet to live out and i will give them everything to be happy and i will smile and laugh with them in my own right mind without those pills that make me cry and you wouldnt understand this because well, you arent here and you wont be because i dont want to see you, you made me vomit and thats never happened before and im not sure what the motive was but i love you and hate you all at the same time that my life seems to revolve around you but not anymore sir, no, not anymore. goodbye.