took this from my deadjournal that I wrote in today...didn't feel like writing a new entry for this diary Hmmm...where do I begin. I spent last night thinking to myself. Of corse the only stuff I thought of was the bad stuff. Its like every friend I have ever had just seems to leave. Trust me I don't want them to stay because after I get to know them more, I see them for who they are. Maybe for once I will leave...but I'm too afraid to hurt people when I know it is the best for myself. Its just the fact I know I will never have that real friendship...where I can just call that person in the early morning just to tell them the word vulnerable is in the newspaper and then get laughed at because I woke them up...i will never have that with anyone again. I don't know its sad to think about. Then I was talking with one of my friends online and he said he was sad because he feels like no one can relate on his views and himself. It is crazy because I feel the same way. I also feel like I know so many people really well and no one sees what I see in those people. I also thought how it would be if i was forced to go to Cactus Shadows soon. I don't know anything about any of the people...maybe it would be better because I would be blind just like the many I know. I opened up completely to two people I hardly know that I would never see myself talking with about those things that I have never told anyone.